Julia Roberts: 'NBC Is in the Toilet'
Julia Roberts and Tom Hanks both took shots at NBC during the red carpet coverage ... on NBC.
Hanks' one-liner at the end takes the cake.
Wayans Spawn: 'Requiem' Helps Me Just Say No
Move over Nancy Reagan ... because Damon Wayans, Jr. says there's a new way to keep kids off drugs -- just force them to watch his uncle Marlon's nightmare addiction flick "Requiem for a Dream."
Looking and quacking like a Wayans outside of club Wonderland in Hollywood last night, Damon Jr. jokingly said the movie helped him put his crack pipe down for good.
But seriously ... that movie could put a sober person in rehab.
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Rod Stewart Some Guys Have All the Drunks
If you want Rod Stewart's body and you think he's sexy -- like this seemingly drunk lady last night -- it's probably best not to yell at him, force his car door open and scrape it against the curb!
Gotta love the fans.
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Quentin Tarantino Sticks to His Shoguns
Here's one of those things celebs do in foreign countries in the hopes it will never see the light of day in the U.S. -- sorry, Quentin.
The crazy commercial is for a Japanese cell phone company called Softbank -- and get this: you get a free dog-shaped cell phone speaker if you sign up with them.
Still no explanation for Quentin Tarantino's cameo ... or the bad acting.
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Ben Affleck You'll Get the Horns!
Ben Affleck tried to avoid a scene by having his friend get his car for him yesterday in Brentwood -- but what ended up happening was more embarrassing than "Gigli" and "Daredevil" combined.
After somehow getting Affleck's Lexus into the middle of the road, Ben's bud couldn't get the thing to move again -- seriously blocked traffic in both directions.
Affleck eventually showed up but the damage was already done -- and the frustrated motorists really let him have it with their horns.
Ben Affleck
Vegas Mayor Rips 'Fat and Short Bette Midler'
One sign Las Vegas Mayor Oscar Goodman might be a bad auctioneer: He turned down the highest bidder ... and then called her a "fat and short Bette Midler."
The Mayor let the unbelievable diss loose at a recent auction in Sin City, after a woman he repeatedly said looked like the Divine, red-haired, Vegas performer entered a bid of $2,750 for the item on the auction block.
In the video -- shot from a distance -- Goodman says he won't accept her money because "she's fat and she's short."
The other auctioneer quickly tried to steer the auction back on track ... but the damage had been done.
Going once, going twice ... cold!
Kirk Cameron Mauled by a Bruin in Darwin Fight
Kirk Cameron went to UCLA to convince students that Darwin's theory of evolution is dead wrong ... but when the students challenged the actor-turned-bible-banger to a debate, Kirk appeared to be "unfit" for the clash.
As we previously reported, Kirk headed to campus to hand out copies of a "revised" edition of "On The Origin of the Species" -- in which the author attempts to connect Darwin to Hitler.
During the "event," several students asked Kirk about his thoughts on Darwin. Kirk responded, "I believe that Darwin was absolutely ... that the end game was to make God ... was to remove God from the world view of .. I think that that was the end game."
Excellent point.
Here's another of our favorite exchanges:
Student: Science is based on evidence, where religion is based on faith.
Kirk: But Darwinism is extremely based on faith
Student: Not really, it's based on a lot of evidence.
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Tila Tequila Flashbacks Caused Me To Flip Out
With her clothes on -- and forming coherent sentences -- Tila Tequila explained that her naked late night meltdown was caused by flashbacks from her alleged violent run-in with NFL star Shawne Merriman.
Still tired from all the one woman action, Tila told us she buckled from all of the pressure related to her lawsuit against Merriman and she "just kind of flipped out a little bit."
The price tag on that lawsuit: $1.5 million, according to Tequila, who says she'll donate it all to charity.
Tila also says she's no Rihanna -- duh -- and that's why she feels compelled to talk about the alleged abuse.
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Glenn Close Born to Nap
Glenn Close hates to be ignored -- but she doesn't mind doing it to others.
Glenn got a little shuteye during the Bruce Springsteen concert at Madison Square Garden this weekend.
Mel Gibson looked content in the row behind her -- but former Lakers coach Pat Riley looks like the happiest guy in the building.
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Carlton Banks I Love to Love White Chicks
Apparently, Alfonso Ribeiro has a taste for white meat ... particularly, the kind with blond hair.
The actor formerly-and-always-known-as Carlton Banks busted out a freestyle rap session at last night's Steel Panther show -- a session that started with the line, "I have been known to f*** some white girls in my lifetime!"
Dude also claims he often leaves the nightclub scene with a member of the Caucasian persuasion -- and according to our vast video library ... he ain't lyin.
See Alfonso's Proof...
Charlize Sucks Face with Chick For Good Price
Charlize Theron kissed a girl -- and for $140,000 ... and she liked it.
The actress -- who's made out with Penelope Cruz and Christina Ricci before for work -- went girl-on-girl again yesterday after offering up her lips for the OneXOne celebrity auction in San Francisco.
The result: A steamy, 25 second smoochfest with the mystery woman who paid top dollar.
Why are you even reading this anymore? Enjoy.
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'Glee' Star Happy He's Mistaken for Someone Else
Cory Monteith -- aka Finn from "Glee" -- is not exactly a household name yet ... and he won't ever be if he keeps telling people he's Chris Klein.
The "fans" who wanted his pic didn't care who he was -- they just wanted a photo with a celeb ... whomever he may be.
Kanye: 'I Wanted Chicken Because I'm Black'
Kanye West was in a finger lickin' good mood last night outside the Cheesecake Factory -- where he told us he ordered chicken, because, well, "I'm Black."
No word on if he thinks they make the best chicken OF ALL TIME.
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Karina Smirnoff Is That a Compliment?
This is the exact moment a papper told Karina Smirnoff she looked like Jessica Simpson -- that look says it all.
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Tracy Morgan Got Fried after the Emmys
And the award for the cheapest post-Emmys meal goes to ... Tracy Morgan!
We've learned after the Emmys on Sunday night, Tracy and his date directed their limousine driver to the home of the cheapest square burger in Los Angeles -- Wendy's.
Tracy hopped out of the limo to personally pick his poison from the drive-thru menu -- including two orders of delicious french fries.
The sweet, greasy taste of victory.
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Kirk Cameron Plays the Hitler Card
Evangelical actor Kirk Cameron is on a serious crusade against Charles Darwin -- connecting the scientist's most famous and significant work to Adolf Hitler.
To commemorate the upcoming 150th anniversary of Darwin's "Origin of Species" -- Kirk has released a 6-minute long video on his evangelical website bashing Darwin's book along with C.D.'s famous theory of evolution.
In the video attack -- which Kirk made to promote the release of a reworked, creationist edition of "Origin of Species" -- Kirk essentially calls Darwin a racist, a woman-hater and claims Darwin's theory has an "undeniable connection" with Hitler.
But it gets better -- Kirk claims he will be embarking on a college tour, in the hopes of infiltrating the minds of America's future "lawyers, doctors and politicians."
To quote Kirk, "These students aren't stupid."
Let's hope not.