You Might Want to Rethink

Chad Johnson has just been released from jail in Florida for slapping his attorney on the ass last week -- and get this ... on his way out, he called his judge a "blessing in disguise" for throwing him back in the slammer.

It's pretty remarkable -- Chad says he's THANKFUL for the time he's had in the pokey the last week, telling reporters, "I had a lot of time to reflect. A lot of time to think about where I've been, where I am now, and where I'm going."

But the craziest part ... he says, "A lot of people have tried to get me to slow down in life. Coaches, my agent, my lawyer. And there was one person that was able to do it. And that was my judge Ms. McHugh."

He added, "Little does she know, I love her to death. Basically what she's been is a blessing in disguise."

Which is crazy because practically everyone else on the planet felt like she overreacted big time.

Someone's probably getting FIRED at the Daytime Emmys this morning ... because when Aisha Tyler went on stage to present her award, someone gave her the WRONG ENVELOPE!!!

Aisha's reaction when she opens the envelope is priceless -- because she quickly realizes the name printed inside wasn't even nominated in the Best Talk Show category.

What ensues is pure live TV gold ... with Aisha vamping like a pro while the producers scrambled to get her the correct envelope.

Ya gotta watch the clip.

Miss Utah is now in the beauty pageant Hall of Fame -- not because she won Miss USA, but because she bumbled through a cringe-inducing (and hysterical) 30 second answer that included the phrase, "create education better."

Judge Nene Leakes asked Marissa Powell about women in the workplace and equal pay -- which sent 21-year-old Miss Utah into a tailspin of a reply.

She starts out kinda strong, saying ... "I think we can relate this back to education, and how we are continuing to try to strive to ... " -- and then the fail begins.

Pretty sure you can see the smoke coming out of her ears as the implosion begins.

She's really pretty though.

Jennifer Lopez FREAKED OUT in the middle of a radio interview ... when she learned (on the air) that she scored a big movie role ... then she proceeded to humblebrag about it.

FYI -- Urban Dictionary defines "Humblebrag" as ... "When you, usually consciously, try to get away with bragging about yourself by couching it in a phony show of humility."

Enter Lopez ... who was in the studio yesterday at Hot 99.5 in Washington, D.C. when she got a phone call (presumably from her agents) informing her she landed a movie role she really, really, REALLY wanted. First she freaks out ... then came the humblebrags.

Our favorite ... "It's a small movie ... but it's a great role ... and A LOT of people wanted it."

She also refers herself as just a "little actress."

Chad Johnson patted his lawyer's ass in court Monday as a sign of respect ... so claims the tapee, attorney Adam Swickle.

Swickle filed legal docs -- just obtained by TMZ -- in which he pleads with the judge to reconsider her decision to throw out Chad's plea deal and throw him in the slammer for 30 days -- all because she believed the former NFLer disrespected the court with the tap.

In the legal docs, Chad's lawyer says "Mr. Johnson has been a professional football player in the National Football League for eleven (11) years and patting another individual on the backside is viewed as a sign of respect and gratitude."

Swickle also noted that Chad was goaded into finding some form of compliment by the judge herself, who told him to thank his lawyer.

As for the judge's outrage that people in the court were laughing at the ass tap ... Swickle says, "This is not Mr. Johnson's fault and he should not be punished for the actions of third parties."

Chad Johnson did NOT deserve 30 days in jail after slapping his lawyer's butt ... so says the Attorney General of Florida who tells TMZ ... Chad's punishment doesn't fit the crime.

We asked FL Atty. Gen. Pam Bondi how she felt about Judge Kathleen McHugh throwing the book at Chad after he tapped his lawyer's butt in court yesterday ... and here's the answer we got:

"Although we never condone domestic violence, this event seems to question judicial temperament, not the subject matter before the court."

So, what does it all mean? Here's Harvey to break it down ...

Chad Johnson has filed a motion asking the judge who jailed him Monday to reconsider her ruling ... TMZ has learned.

Adam Swickle, the lawyer whose ass was slapped by the former NFLer, filed the legal docs ... claiming Johnson meant no disrespect when he tapped the attorney on the rear.

As we previously reported ... Johnson was in court on a probation violation in his domestic violence case when the judge was about to accept a settlement that did NOT involve jail. After the ass slap, the judge tossed the settlement and threw Johnson in the pokey for 30 days.

A hearing is set for Monday. In the meantime, Johnson sits in the slammer.

Chad has just filed a motion asking the judge to reconsider the ruling.

10:46 AM PT -- Chad is currently at jail and is being booked.

10:30 AM PT -- We just got video of the love tap. Check it out.

7:55 AM PT -- Chad was arrested in the courtroom and has been ordered to serve 30 days in jail.

7:45 AM PT -- Chad and his attorney are back in front of the judge ... apologizing ... and desperately trying to convince the judge to accept the original terms of the deal.

Chad Johnson was just kicked out of a Florida courtroom ... after the former NFL star playfully slapped his male lawyer's ass -- a move that ENRAGED the judge, TMZ has learned.

Johnson was in court in Broward County, FL to face the judge for his recent probation violation in his domestic violence case.

During the hearing, the judge and Chad's lawyer were about to finalize the terms of Chad's punishment -- terms that were pretty favorable to Chad.

But the whole thing fell apart at the last minute, when the judge asked Chad if he was satisfied with his attorney -- and the ex-NFL star reached back and playfully slapped his lawyer's ass.

Chad smiled ... the court erupted with laughter .... but the judge wasn't amused.

In fact, the judge found the move disrespectful -- and lashed out at Johnson ... asking him if the whole proceeding was a "joke" to him.

Johnson replied, "I had no intent to make this a joke, because my life is in shambles right now."

The judge -- who lost her patience -- suddenly announced that Chad's deal was OFF ... and kicked him out of the courtroom.

Nicolas Cage is a man of mystery ... which is why we have NO EXPLANATION WHATSOEVER for the extra pair of sunglasses he was wearing around his neck last week.

The photo was taken inside a supermarket in Alabama, but other than that ... we got nothing. For what it's worth, he's down South for a new movie (and no, he does NOT play a four-eyed mutant).

Maybe he was holding the sunglasses for a friend, maybe he's got a second pair of eyes somewhere on the back of his head ... the world will never know.

Still ... it's not that weird considering everything else Cage has done in his life ... such as collecting shrunken heads, owning cobras, buying a dinosaur skull ... and oh yeah, the pyramid tomb.

Seems Justin Bieber's giving his Ferrari a break ... 'cause the singer's leopard-spotted Audi R8 was spotted at various spots in L.A. this weekend -- including Miley Cyrus' home.

Cameras rolled as Bieber's ride left Miley's home in Toluca Lake, CA on Saturday ... and while it's unclear if JB was in the driver's seat, it sure looks like it could be him ('cause the driver's white).

According to reports, Bieber's R8 could be worth somewhere in the neighborhood of $150k.

FYI -- it doesn't appear Justin switched from the Ferrari to the Audi to curb his alleged speeding problem -- 'cause the R8 goes from 0-60 in 4.3 seconds and tops out at 186 mph.

Chad Johnson was just arrested and placed in handcuffs inside a Florida courtroom ... after the judge in his probation violation hearing ordered the ex-NFL star to spend 30 days in jail.

The move comes after Johnson pissed off the Broward County judge by slapping his male lawyer's butt during the hearing.

As we previously reported, Johnson's attorney was thiiiis close to sealing a deal that would have kept Johnson OUT of jail for violating his probation earlier this year.

But the butt slap enraged the judge ... and she took the deal off the table.

Now, Johnson's punishment is much harsher than what was originally proposed -- and he has been ordered to spend 30 days in jail.

His probation was also extended until December 21, 2013 ... and he must complete an additional 25 hours of community service along with extra therapy sessions.

Story developing ...

8:55 AM PT -- NPH just tweeted ... strongly DENYING he dropped the N-word.

"I would NEVER be so disrespectful," he wrote.

So what DID Neil say? Still unclear.

Neil Patrick Harris opened the Tony Awards by bringing Mike Tyson out on stage and dropping the N-WORD right in Tyson's face ... or at least that's how it sounds.

Tyson joined NPH while he was singing a song where he repeated the lyric ... "we're going bigger" -- but about 10 seconds after Tyson came out ... NPH sang something that sounds A LOT like the n-word.

It's your typical love story ...

Man walks into a bar ...

Man orders a beer ...

Man has simulated sex with a big, black inflatable woman ...

And it all happened to "Deadliest Catch" star Scott Campbell, Jr. -- who hit up a bowling alley in Kodiak, Alaska a few weeks ago when a bachelor party rolled in ... sex doll in tow.

So ... naturally ... Scott pretended to have sex with it.

We're told everyone had a blast -- including the doll.

Brockovich just released the following statement:

“I apologize for my actions Friday evening. After a day in the sun and with nothing to eat it appears that a couple of drinks had a greater impact than I had realized. It is very important to note that I was not operating the boat in open waters, I was moving it within its own slip. At no time was the boat away from the dock and there was no public safety risk. That being said, I take drunk driving very seriously, this was clearly a big mistake, I know better and I am very sorry."

Erin Brockovich -- who was famously immortalized by Julia Roberts in the movie about her life -- was arrested in Las Vegas on Friday for allegedly operating her boat while under the influence ... TMZ has learned.

The Nevada Department of Wildlife tells TMZ one of their game wardens observed Brockovich (now Brockovich-Ellis following her marriage in 1999) struggling to dock her boat at Lake Mead, just outside Boulder City.

When the warden attempted to offer assistance, he noticed she "exhibited several signs of an intoxicated boater." The cop conducted an investigation and subsequently arrested Brockovich for OUI (operating under the influence).

A law enforcement source tells TMZ that Brockovich's blood alcohol content was almost twice the legal limit of .08.

Jerry Lewis has mad Yiddish flow ... or maybe it's mad gibberish flow ... either way, it was definitely an attempt at a freestyle rap ... and TMZ has the footage.

The 87-year-old legend unleashed his skillz last week in between shooting scenes for his movie "Max Rose" -- when he injected himself into a rap battle with "America's Got Talent" sensation Chris La Vrar (who just happened to be on the set that day).

Lewis -- impressed with La Vrar's rhymes -- replied, "Very good. Very, VERY good ... I want to do one now in Jewish."

The crowd laughs -- but Jerry was SERIOUS -- and busts out a rap that you've just GOT to hear ... especially if you're a Yiddish scholar ... because then you can tell us what he says.

Seriously, we tried to make out the words ... but no dice.

Go Daddy honchos were ENRAGED when they saw their nerdy spokesman Jesse Heiman put the moves on a married "Twilight" actress Tuesday night -- and Heiman is begging for forgiveness.

A rep for 35-year-old Heiman -- who famously appeared in Go Daddy's Bar Refaeli-kissing Super Bowl commercial -- tells us, the Internet company was extremely upset after seeing the video TMZ posted Wednesday ... showing Jesse awkwardly attempting to steal a kiss from Nikki Reed outside Bootsy Bellows nightclub in Hollywood.

Jesse tells us, he was ordered to cancel his appearances this week -- as well as to apologize for his uncouth behavior -- and Jesse gladly obliged.

Jesse's future with Go Daddy is unclear.