Money

Jane Lynch is now officially free ... but her divorce sure wasn't ... she's paying her former wife millions.

Jane's divorce from Dr. Lara Embry became final Monday. In the property settlement -- obtained by TMZ -- it's apparent gay divorces are just like all the others ... the breadwinner has to give up half.

Lara -- a psychologist -- gets a lump sum of $1.2 million, spaced over over a 2-year period.

But Lara gets a lot more, including:

-- half of several bank and trust accounts, totaling $847,485

-- half of a 401K, totaling $315,079

-- half of the proceeds from their Mulholland Tennis Club membership

-- half of all royalties from Jane's TV appearances, including "Glee"

-- half of their $56,810 tax refund

Lara also gets their L.A. Yacht club membership.

But wait, there's more. Lara gets Francis the dog.

Marriage, worth fighting for ... sometimes.

"Love and Hip Hop" star Rich Dollaz just bought the most expensive burger of his life ... it cost him thousands of dollars and his freedom.

Here's what we know. Dollaz and his pals double parked outside the Edgewater, New Jersey police HQ Sunday night ... so they could make a quick burger run to a nearby Five Guys. Cops went over to write Dollaz up when they ran his plates and discovered there was a warrant for his arrest.

Turns out ... the 43-year-old music exec owes $11K in child support ... so cops busted him burger in hand.

Dollaz was hauled off to Hudson County jail ... where he's still in custody.

Some very big stars are going about their business blindly ... not having a clue they are owed hundreds and even thousands of dollars.

We've gone through hundreds of names from the California State Controller's Office ... celebs who are owed money. Here are some that stood out:

-- Steven Spielberg is owed $10,000 in cashier's checks from Bank of America.

-- Robert Downey Jr. is owed $497.09 from the California Substance Abuse Treatment Facility and State Prison.

-- Kanye West is owed $38.71 from Foot Locker.

-- Orlando Bloom ... $31.72 from NBC Universal.

-- Tori Spelling could use the $1,784.95 ... her credit balance from Tiffany & Co.

-- Columbus Short will get lots of small checks from Paramount ... $94.29, $40.50, $43.85 and $43.85.

-- Kobe Bryant can pick up his $482.50 check from Connecticut General Life Insurance Company.

-- Justin Timberlake may want to call his lawyers ... they owe him $3,020.55.

-- George Clooney can pay for part of his wedding with $928.95 from an entertainment company.

Mama June's daughter is staying firm with her mom, and attacking Uncle Poodle ... claiming he doesn't care about their family ... all he's trying to do is make a buck.

14-year-old Pumpkin went wild last night ... posting on Instagram a rant that Poodle is spreading false stories about her family ... specifically June's relationship with convicted child molester Mark McDaniel.

But Poodle fired right back ... saying, "The girls will be just fine. They are upset now and will understand the gravity of the situation. All I can do is love them unconditionally regardless of how they currently feel."

It appears June and the kids are upset TLC cancelled "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" after TMZ broke the story ... but Poodle is saying the show isn't as important as the welfare of the children.

Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino's anger problems are under control ... so says a judge who just cut him a big break in his criminal case for physically attacking his brother.

Sorrentino showed up in a New Jersey courtroom Monday with proof he completed a 12-week anger management program -- this for the tanning salon attack. In return, the judge allowed Sitch to cop a plea to a petty offense -- disorderly conduct. After paying a $506 fine, he walked out a free man.

Well, not exactly free. He's being prosecuted for tax fraud ... a felony.

Kanye West turned down an offer that could have made him the highest paid entertainer on the Las Vegas Strip ... making Celine, Britney and JLo look like casino lounge acts.

TMZ has learned the offer would have lined his pocket to the tune of $4.5 MILLION ... for just 9 days of work. Yet we're told he walked away from it!

According to the written offer -- obtained by TMZ -- Yeezus would have performed 3 shows a week for 3 weeks at the Axis at Planet Hollywood. For that he would have scored a whopping $500,000 per show.

At that rate, he could have made more per show than J-Lo, who has an offer for $350K per show ... Britney, who all told makes around $475K/show ... and Celine Dion, who currently earns the most at $476K per concert.

Beats the dollar slots.

Miranda Cosgrove has had a virtual career collapse which she says is all the result of 2 careless drivers ... a collapse that has cost her millions of dollars.

Cosgrove has just filed legal docs explaining why she's suing for so much money. She says the extensive injuries she suffered while on her tour bus that collided with a semi derailed 25 booked concerts, which would have netted her nearly $400,000.

Miranda says she lost another $560K in future shows. But there's more. The "iCarly" star says Sony Music dumped her after the accident because they were counting on her touring. And if that weren't enough, she says she lost a $400K Neutrogena contract as a result of her injuries.

Drake was celebrating his birthday at Club Stadium in Washington D.C. Saturday night/early Sunday ... and we don't know why, but Drizzy was carrying what looked like thousands of bucks.

Some people inside the club claimed they saw someone punch a member of Drake's crew ... which could have triggered his temper.

Drake's posse was famously involved in a blow-out with Chris Brown's crew at W.I.P. nightclub in 2012, so it wouldn't be the first time.

Someone in Drake's entourage was heads up enough to retrieve most of the loot.

Kendra Wilkinson's husband Hank Baskett has gone to the FBI, claiming the transsexual who has blabbed to the media she had an affair with him illegally recorded and extorted him.

Hank's camp tells TMZ ... he now acknowledges he "hung out with her." His people say Ava London secretly recorded the conversation in which he begs her not to talk about their relationship because he's married. That audio made its way to several tabloids.

We've learned Hank's lawyer went to the FBI this week, complaining not only was the recording illegal ... she tried shaking him down to the tune of $5K in return for silence.

We're told Hank's lawyer Lee Hutton will go to court next week in an attempt to get her records, which his people believe will fully document an extortion attempt.

Backstreet Boys have finally scored legal victory ... snagging the rights to the master recording of one of their biggest songs in a battle that raged on for years.

The "Boys" have been battling ex-manager Lou Pearlman's bankruptcy estate ... and it was agreed this week they'd get the masters to some of their songs -- including "I'll Never Break Your Heart."

The Boys claimed they were owed nearly $3.5 mil ... but the bankruptcy trustee for Lou's case said they lacked the proof to back up that claim. A judge ordered both sides to work it out earlier this year ... and according to court docs, they did just that.

So the boy band will receive $99K ... as well as possession of some master recordings -- including a few lesser known songs and live recordings.

They also received a VHS copy of "Star Trek Adventure" ... whatever that is.

Good luck finding a VHS player.

Tori Spelling is having a nervous breakdown ... according to multiple people who are intimately involved in her life.

Our sources tell TMZ ... it all came to a head when Tori checked herself into Cedars-Sinai Medical Center over the weekend. We're told her "Ebola scare" was all a ruse ... "a lie" to cover up what we're told is her crumbling personal life.

Our sources are consistent about the problems that have caused Tori to lose it:

-- Her marriage is dangerously on the rocks. We're told Tori had a nuclear argument with husband Dean McDermott recently over a nanny he wanted to hire who she felt put the kids at risk. But the bigger problem -- we're told she's telling people he's skipping AA meetings and fears he's close to drinking again. Tori's biggest fear ... alcohol is what Dean says caused him to cheat.

-- Tori and Dean are financially strapped, if not flat broke. Candy is not helping her out financially, and they've blown through her $800K inheritance from Aaron Spelling. She's freaking out that she's turning 42 and believes her scripted career is over, and her reality career is shaky.

-- Tori is faking illness to the point she is actually making herself sick. The Ebola craziness was never real ... but Tori created such drama around it, staying up days at a time and not eating ... she made herself sick and her health is compromised.

One very close friend is trying to stage an intervention, telling TMZ, "I am hoping that shedding some light on it for all of her fans to read may actually lead her to seek some change in her life ... kind of like David Hasselhoff watching the drunk video of himself eating a hamburger."

It took Sheryl Crow 2 years and 4 price reductions to get it done ... but the singer/songwriter just scored a sweet $2.6 million profit on her Hollywood Hills compound.

Sheryl was finally able to find a buyer to take her estate for a cool $11 million ... even though she initially listed it in 2012 at just under $16 mil.

The 10+ acre spread actually has 3 full houses on it, with a main house and 2 guest houses for a total of 11 bedrooms. The place even has its own campsite, tepee, palapa, and a bridge connecting the homes.

Val Kilmer clearly doesn't watch "The People's Court" or "Judge Judy" ... because he's about to learn a hard lesson about tenants doing home improvements.

Val was in Van Nuys small claims court Thursday ... battling his landlord over $6,000 that was withheld from his security deposit when he moved out of his Malibu rental.

The landlord claims Val made unauthorized improvements on the beach house. But Val just told the judge the landlord should give him his money back along with a big THANK YOU. The actor claims he materially improved the pad by putting some sort of wallpaper on the wooden cabinets and painted the fireplace.

The landlord doesn't like what Val did at all ... and submitted scores of pics to prove his point.

Fact is, it doesn't matter. According to the testimony ... there's a lease that says a tenant can ONLY modify the rental with the landlord's prior written approval, and apparently that didn't happen.

Marc Anthony now has bragging rights over Jennifer Lopez in one department -- he doubled the insane Vegas salary she's about to get ... with a recent show of his own at Planet Hollywood.

It sounds crazy, but Marc topped J.Lo's $350K per show guarantee when he took home $700K for his one-night-only gig on September 13th. In fact, the contract, obtained by TMZ, actually paid him just over $1 MILLION ... but promoter fees and operating expenses were taken out of that sum.

Of course, Jennifer's scheduled to play 72 shows to Marc's one -- and she'll make more than $26 mil over 2 years.

Bottom line ... Marc won the battle, but J.Lo wins the war.

Paris Hilton nabbed a whale during her Atlantic City DJ gig -- a gambling legend who's cleaned out casinos in the past ... showed up to watch her and dropped giant stacks of cash while he did it.

Don Johnson -- blackjack pro, not the actor -- was in the V.I.P. while Paris was spinning at Pool After Dark at Harrah's last weekend. Sources close to P tell us Don made champagne flow like a river -- buying 10 bottles of Ace of Spades at $1,000 a pop! And for a chaser ... 8 more bottles of Moët.

Total bar tab -- $15,000! Best of all ... he shared the bubbly with the normies outside V.I.P.

We're told Paris and Don have been friends for years. They have a lot in common.

FUN FACT: During a 6-month stretch in 2011 ... Don won $15 million from Atlantic City casinos. Trained assassin.

Teresa Giudice's prison life is officially headed down a familiar path ... because a N.J. judge ordered the reality TV star to serve her time behind the bars made famous by "Orange Is The New Black."

After her request to spend 12 of her 15 months at a halfway house was denied ... Teresa got the news Wednesday that she'll be headed to the Federal Correctional Institution in Danbury, CT.

Strangely enough ... Piper Kerman, the author whose memoir inspired "OITNB" was similarly sentenced to 15 months at Danbury ... for money laundering.

Teresa's been begging the judge for weeks not to send her to Danbury ... which the show depicts as being one of the worst prisons in the U.S.

Don't drop the soap, Teresa!