Today in TMZ History

The ad features a severely Photoshopped Beyonce -- almost unrecognizable. So the question ...

When it rains it pours. Earlier this year Christina Applegate's 26-year-old boyfriend was found dead -- and now the actress has been diagnosed with breast cancer.

Her publicist released this statement: "Christina Applegate was diagnosed with an early form of breast cancer. Benefiting from early detection through a doctor-ordered MRI, the cancer is not life threatening. Christina is following the recommended treatment of her doctors and will have a full recovery."

There's nothing funny about this -- Bernie Mac has been placed in a Chicago hospital with a case of Pneumonia. The comedian is said to be responding well to treatment and should be released from the hospital in the next few days.

The Dark Knight just got a whole lot darker.

British police sources tell TMZ Christian Bale has been arrested and is still being grilled on allegations of assaulting his mom and sister Sunday, the night before the London premiere of "The Dark Knight."

Bale went to a London police station this morning by appointment and was arrested there.

The official word from Scotland Yard is that "a 34-year-old male" was taken into custody "in the late morning today" in a police precinct in Central London (Bale is 34). They tell TMZ the allegation emanated from another police agency, but that the incident in question took place in London.

Not even DMX wants to be DMX anymore.

Earl "DMX" Simmons was pinched today for allegedly giving a false name and Social Security number to Scottsdale's Mayo Clinic in April. Simmons supposedly used the name "Troy Jones" to weasel out of paying for $7,500 in medical expenses.

The rapper was arrested outside of a Phoenix Ariz. mall on a felony charge of taking the identity of another and booked in the Maricopa County Jail, according to My Fox Phoenix.

DMX was also arrested on July 2, June 27, June 23, May 9 and May 7 of this year.

Khloe Kardashian is out of the pokey, and now we're learning about the horrors of her ordeal behind bars.

Our spies tell us the youngest Kardashian's unspeakable treatment began when K.K. began to board the bus headed to the Twin Towers jail. A woman on the bus had a violent seizure and Khloe was re-routed to Lynwood. Then, as we reported earlier, a bomb scare at the jail triggered a lockdown, so Miss K was forced into solitary confinement.

Then, Khloe was freezing cold so she asked guards for a simple blanket. Just like Tara at Hyde, she was denied.

As if that's not enough, she had to watch videos on how to be a good prisoner and how to avoid getting staph infections.

And, Khloe was not even able to change out of her street clothes, which must have been soiled from all the drama.

By the way, she served 173 minutes.

Wacked out crazy comedian Andy Dick was arrested early this morning in Murrieta, Calif. on suspicion of drug possession and sexual battery.

Cops busted the 42-year-old Dick just before 2 AM this morning in the parking lot near a Buffalo Wild Wings restaurant.

Dick is still being held, his bail set at $5,000.

UPDATE: Around 1:15 AM this morning cops tell us they responded to a report of a person peeing in the parking lot outside the wing joint, causing a disturbance. Several witnesses told officers Dick approached two women as he left the restaurant. He allegedly walked up to a 17-year-old girl, grabbed her tank top and bra and pulled them down, exposing her breasts.

Apparently a crew member of the movie was arrested for public intoxication and resisting arrest. That's when police say Brolin, Wright and the others interfered. According to the Shreveport Times, the actors allegedly put up such a fuss that the police at the nightclub had to call for backup.

Brolin and Wright were both arrested during the melee.

In the documents, filed today in Miami, Cynthia says she's exhausted every effort to salvage the marriage. Alex has "emotionally abandoned" his wife, leaving her with no choice but to divorce him.

She says the marriage is "irretrievably broken" because of Alex's "extra-marital affairs and other marital misconduct." Note she said affairs -- plural.

She's seeking primary custody of the couple's two girls, Ella and Natasha, as well as child support to "maintain the existing lifestyle of the children." That includes life and health insurance and private school.

Cynthia says her man, a "prominent athlete" with "substantial earning power," has the "fiscal capacity to continue his high style of living" but she does not -- hence she's asking for alimony. She is asking to keep their $12 million, six-bedroom estate in Coral Gables, Fla. (and everything in it), as well as her sweet ride -- a Maybach.

She's also asking A-Rod to pay off their debt, as well as her attorney's fees.

The papers mention that a prenup was signed before the couple married in November 2002. Earle Lilly, one of Cynthia's lawyers, told TMZ last night it's too early to know if they will challenge the prenup. A lot is on the line, because A-Rod is reportedly set to rake in $445 mil over the course of his career.

Larry Harmon, the man credited with making Bozo the Clown the icon he was, died Thursday of congestive heart failure. He was 83.

Bynum and Thomas Weeks ended their nearly six-year marriage Friday, after a tense hearing in divorce court. The proceedings were stopped at one point when Bynum admitted the two had sex after their separation.

Hopefully the Doggfather has some pull at the station.

Snoop's wife, Shante Broadus, was arrested at 12:15 AM PT this morning in Fullerton, Ca. for driving under the influence.

She was released with a citation -- there's no bail needed for DUI arrests in Fullerton.

A jury has found R. Kelly not guilty!

A jury acquitted the singer of all fourteen counts of child pornography.

The "Bump and Grind" singer was first charged six years ago after the kinky sex tape surfaced allegedly featuring him having sex -- among other things -- with a girl who was as young as 13 at the time.

Kelly had long denied being on the video tape -- and even the alleged victim said it wasn't her.

Talk about a crappy vacation! TMZ has learned actor Kelsey Grammer suffered a mild heart attack while vactioning with his family at their home in Hawaii.

His rep tells TMZ Grammer was paddleboarding with his wife Camille on Saturday when he fell ill.

We're told he's resting comfortably in the hospital and will be released later on this week.

TMZ has learned Clay Aiken is going to be a daddy. In case you didn't process that, Clay Aiken is going to be a daddy.

Here's what we know. Multiple sources tell us the mother is Jaymes Foster, a record producer and Clay's best friend. He lives at her home when he's in L.A.

We're told 50-year-old Foster, who produced several Aiken CDs, is due in August. She's the sister of record mogul David Foster. She divorced a few years back and has no kids. Aiken is 29.

We're told Foster was artificially inseminated. But Clay is a lot more than sperm -- we're told he will have an active role in raising the child.

No immediate word from Aiken's rep.