Breakups

Charlie Sheen is wishing DEATH upon two of his former "Angels" -- claiming they scammed him out of some serious cash ... and now he wants 'em to "fatally choke on a Vons can of pressed turkey."

TMZ has learned ... before Sheen started dating Brett Rossi, he ended his relationship with the trio of porn stars he had been with for the past several months -- Celeste Star, Jayme Langford and Jana Jordan.

Sources connected to Sheen tell us Charlie believes two of the three "angels" -- Jayme and Jana -- carried out a scheme to run up his credit card bill ... and when Charlie found out, he went ballistic.

In fact, when we reached out to Charlie about the situation -- he fired-off one of the most Sheen-ish statements of all time ... telling us, "I've observed more nobility and honor in the drifters I've run over and child molesters I spit on at Pelican Bay."

It gets worse -- and far more graphic -- at one point he says they're worse than "the cancer known as Brooke [Mueller]."

Check out the entire statement below ... it's epic.

Bruce and Kris Jenner aren't completely out of each other's hair after officially separating in October ... in fact, the two met up for some smoochie time over Thanksgiving weekend ... and Bruce ponied up big time.

As we reported, Bruce and Kris announced they were living in separate homes (Bruce in Malibu and Kris in Calabasas) and they're both happier that way. But they still came together for Thanksgiving.

The photo was snapped Friday after Bruce, Kris, Kris' mom, Kourtney, and Bruce's ponytail all took in a movie at the theater in Calabasas. When they parted ways, Kris gave Bruce a parting kiss on the cheek.

Kris Jenner has no hard feelings over her break up with Bruce Jenner or the disaster that has become the marriage of Lamar Odom and Khloe ... TMZ has learned both men are invited to Thanksgiving.

Our Kardashian/Jenner sources say ... Bruce has already accepted. We're told Bruce is surprised anyone would even question whether he's going. He's telling friends, "Of course I'm going. It's my family."

The jury's out on Lamar -- he hasn't said yay or nay.

As for why the doors are wide open ... the Kardashians say Bruce and Lamar are family and "always will be."

Eat your vitamins and say your prayers brothers ... 'cause TMZ has learned Brooke Hogan is officially single again.

Sources close to Brooke tell us Hulk's daughter ended her engagement to Dallas Cowboys center Phil Costa a few weeks ago ... after he proposed in Vegas back in June.

We're told Brooke realized things had moved way too fast, too soon ... so she decided to call it quits and focus on her music -- before making things official forever.

Our sources say Hogan recently moved back to L.A. to put the finishing touches on her new album ... and she wanted to be closer to Momma Hogan.

Brooke posted this ringless photo a few days ago.

Looks like she won't have much trouble finding a rebound dude.

Lamar Odom is living the life of a vagabond ... never staying in one place too long. Latest stop -- a friend's home.

Lamar dropped off a fully-packed suitcase at a pal's house in L.A. on Wednesday -- which also happened to be his 34th birthday.

TMZ broke the story ... Lamar and Khloe Kardashian are secretly selling their Tarzana mansion -- although Lamar hasn't lived there for months -- and Khloe plans to divorce Lamar once she thinks his life is stable enough to handle it.

Lamar took a momentary break from his baggage handling to flex his reduced muscles.

Here's something you didn't know about Sum 41 singer Deryck Whibley -- he took Avril Lavigne's last name when he married her, and now ... 3 years after divorcing her he's finally sick of it ... because he's filed legal docs to drop it.

Deryck Jason Lavigne Whibley just filed in L.A. County Court to go back to his birth name ... sans Lavigne.

It's pretty crazy -- A) because he took her last name in the first place and NO ONE KNEW, and B) because it took him so long (FOUR YEARS) to switch it back.

Whibley and Lavigne got hitched in 2006 and divorced in 2010.

To review: Deryck ended up stuck with Avril's last name -- and Avril ended up ... stuck with Chad Kroger.

It's a toss up who got the worst end of that deal.

Lamar Odom seems to be waiving the white flag over his marriage -- at least that's the way it appeared when he was asked about Khloe Kardashian on his way out of lunch to celebrate his 34th birthday.

Lamar went to Casa Vega in the San Fernando Valley -- a place Kim, Khloe and the rest of the klan often go for good Mexican food.

Watch the video and see the look on Lamar's face when he tries to deal with the Khloe question.

TMZ broke the story ... Khloe plans to divorce Lamar, but she's made a decision NOT to prepare or file any legal docs, because she thinks it could be the last straw in his fragile life. On top of that, there's no pressing reason to pull the trigger on the marriage ... yet.

Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom are packing it in -- we've learned they are secretly selling their Tarzana mansion.

Real estate sources tell TMZ ... Khloe has given several San Fernando Valley realtors a pocket listing -- meaning the house will not appear in the multiple listing service. It's being done on the down low. Any prospective buyer must pre-qualify before seeing the house, meaning they must have the dough to buy the crib.

We're told Khloe and Lamar want a cool $4 mil for the house. They paid $3.95 million in 2009.

Our sources say Khloe is the driving force behind the sale, telling realtors she wants to "start fresh and move on."

Title to the house is held in both Khloe and Lamar's names.

Tan Mom has no interest in patching things up with her husband ... kicking him out of the house just hours after filing for divorce ... and we got pics of their not-so-tearful goodbye.

Patricia Krentcil a.k.a. Tan Mom gave her now estranged husband Richard the actual heave-ho Saturday morning ... after serving him with divorce papers the night before.

It's kinda sad since Richard told us he wants to work things out -- but since TM's been cracking jokes in her stand-up act about his small penis ... we're guessing she's looking to kick-start her sex life.

Tan Mom's marriage is OVER -- and shockingly, she's the one calling it off -- this according to divorce docs filed in New Jersey and obtained by TMZ.

Just 3 weeks after Patricia Krentcil bitched about the size of her hubby's allegedly tiny penis during her disastrous stand-up comedy debut, Tan Mom has officially filed for divorce from Richard Krentcil.

Tan Mom tells TMZ ... she decided to call off the 8-year marriage because Richard recently failed a lie detector test about infidelity on a TV show called "The Test."

In the docs, Tan Mom demands $500 per week in spousal support PLUS $500 per week in child support so she can care for their 2 children. Tan Mom is also asking for full custody.

We spoke to Richard who tells us ... he wants to STAY with Patricia and hopes they can work out their issues.

He's got his work cut out for him, because in Tan Mom's stand-up act, she complained that her sex life was terrible -- "OK, let's have an orgasm, NOT!"

The who-dumped-who mystery of Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr's split has been solved ... thanks to a photo of Orlando going in for a kiss with his ex.

Yes, here comes some gratuitous and in-depth over-analysis of a peck-gone-wrong!

Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr are DONE ... the two gorgeous people have announced they're splitting up after 3 years of marriage.

O & M -- who started dating back in 2007 -- released a joint statement through their reps saying, "They have been amicably separated for the past few months. After six years together, they have recently decided to formalize their separation."

"Despite this being the end of their marriage, they love, support and respect each other as both parents of their son and as family."

The couple has one kid together -- their son Flynn, who was born in 2011.

The announcement is pretty shocking considering Miranda and Orlando were spotted out in public together -- smiling and laughing on October 7 in NYC.

And just a couple of months before that, Orlando and Miranda were joking about each other to the media -- with Miranda claiming O has a foot fetish.

We shot Orlando back in July and asked him about it -- and he laughed it off. It's unclear what went south between then and now.

The divorce could get messy when it comes to money -- since they have a ton. According to Forbes, Miranda is the second highest paid model in the world -- raking in more than $7 mil in the past year. And Orlando Bloom's got "Hobbit" money.

It's unclear if the couple has officially filed for divorce at this point -- but it seems like that's just a matter of time.

We now know why Madonna broke up with her 26-year-old ex-boyfriend Jesus Luz ... the guy kisses ... like a St. Bernard.

The photo was taken today in Italy. We don't know who the unlucky girl is, but we're really hoping she brought a towel ... and some industrial strength disinfectant.

FYI, Madge and Jesus first got together in 2008 when Jesus was just 21 (and Madonna was 50) and split in 2010. They probably had some other problems too.

Katharine McPhee is dating her former "Smash" director Michael Morris, TMZ has learned ... and they're even making out in public -- problem is, THEY'RE BOTH MARRIED TO OTHER PEOPLE.

Morris is married to actress Mary McCormack (who played Howard Stern's wife in "Private Parts") ... and they have 3 young daughters together, ages 2, 6 and 9.

29-year-old Katharine is married to 47-year-old producer Nick Cokas -- they have no children.

Sources close to Katharine and Nick tell TMZ ... the two have been separated for 6 months and are living apart. They were married in 2008.

It's unclear where Michael's relationship with Mary stands -- but it seems it's also on the ropes, because over the weekend he was sucking face with Katharine in broad daylight in L.A. like he didn't care who saw.

The two weren't shy with the PDA either -- holding hands and cuddling each other in Hollywood.

Clint Eastwood's wife Dina still loves her estranged husband ... but hopes a little new age voodoo -- the use of crystals -- will rid her home of Clint's negative energy ... TMZ has learned.

Dina tweeted a pic from the Crystal Fantasy in Palm Springs ... where she dropped a couple of hundred dollars on crystals, incense, sage ... and other stuff believed to have metaphysical powers of healing and cleansing.

While in the store, Dina was overheard dumping on Clint and his new squeeze ... because they had shacked up at a home the Eastwoods own in Palm Springs.

Now Dina apparently plans to do some heavy duty house cleaning ... using the crystals and incense to remove all of the bad energy left behind by Clint's visit.

Selena Gomez is still torn up about her ex, Justin Bieber -- or she's a really good actress ... that's the only explanation for her sappy and tear-filled performance last night in Brooklyn.

Selena started sobbing and weeping near the end of her ballad, "Love Will Remember" -- which is widely believed to be about the Biebs ... partially because the original leaked version of the song featured a voicemail Justin left for Selena.

She also goes into an emotional thank you to her fans, but since turning on the waterworks seems to be her thing -- we gotta ask ...

Here's something Selena should really be crying about -- this awesome moment from "The View" this morning ... when the ladies intro'd her to start singing, and ... well, watch what happens.