The Kardashians

Charlie Sheen went on a wild rant against Kim Kardashian in the wee hours Tuesday morning, telling her to go "f yourself" for allegedly crushing a little girl's dream.

Charlie says a friend told him about a 6-year-old girl who worshiped Kim and asked her for her autograph. Charlie says Kim turned the kid down flat, adding, "She cries about it every night before she goes to sleep."

And that's when he goes off: "you are lucky that ANYONE cares about your gross and giggly [sic] bag of funk you dare call an ass."

He dares her to compare resumes with him, and then says, "your public loves u. give something back or go f yourself."

His parting shot, "My apologies to your hubby, great guy I'm sure, I hope his vision returns one day."

He signs it "c." Not even a "sincerely."

Sheen deleted the post a short while later.

11:30 AM PT -- Charlie has now apologized.

Bruce Jenner and his boys could be battling the Kardashians for TV ratings -- multiple production companies are interested in inking a deal with Bruce and his clan to do their own show.

Sources close to the situation tell us most of the offers involve shooting, ironically, Kardashian-style -- following Bruce and his 3 sons while they race cars, travel, and just generally bro out. Think "Keeping Up With the Kardashians" ... with a bit more testosterone.

No deal's been signed yet. As we've previously reported, Bruce has soured on shooting reality TV. However, we're told he'd be game for a new opportunity -- where Kris Jenner is NOT the executive producer ... like she is on 'KUWTK.'

Bruce is still under contract on that show, so if a Jenner project takes off ... he'd probably have to fight to get out of his E! contract.

No longer will Scott Disick simply suckle off the Kardashian teet -- he's actually putting in an honest day's work ... as a Beverly Hills house flipper.

According to our sources, Disick scooped up a five-bedroom, six-bath house in BH recently. There have been reports Kourtney Kardashian finally kicked Scott to the curb -- and this would be his new bachelor pad ... but it's actually his first flipping project.

We're told Scott is bringing in a full design team to redo most of the place -- in hopes of eventually turning a profit -- and some of the K Krew is also pitching in to help.

Our sources say Scott wants to make house flipping his new steady source of cash -- and he could get a major bonus out of it. The 'Keeping Up' cameras have been shooting his work on the house, and there's talk of a possible spin-off focusing on his design adventures.

Lord help us.

Brody Jenner's ass was tapped to perform at the biggest porn event of the year -- he'll be getting handsy at the opening party for the sex industry's Oscars ... as the house DJ.

Our impeccable porn sources tell us the Adult Video News Awards Show (AVNs) lined up BJ and DJ William Lifestyle to double team the Kickoff Party on Jan. 21st at the Hard Rock.

As we first told you ... the AVNs are also gunning for Lorde to perform during the award ceremony. No word if she's officially turned them down responded yet.

We're told Brody's pulling in five figures for the gig ... plus fringe benefits, of course.

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West spend a lot of time apart, but TMZ has learned their recent home purchase could put an end to the long distance part of their relationship.

According to our sources, Kimye purchased the house next door to their Hidden Hills dream home so they can expand their property ... to nearly five acres.

We're told the plan is to build a giant park for kids, a basketball court and a full music studio for Kanye ... so he doesn't have to venture off to Paris or Mexico to record his albums.

Our sources say a full movie theater, game room and a spa for Kim are also in the works, as well as a detached guest house.

Now Rob will never be homeless.

Khloe Kardashian isn't bailing on her divorce -- she fully intends to follow through one year after filing -- the problem is she can't schedule a sit down with Lamar Odom.

Sources close to the Kardashian's tell us Khloe has been unable to meet with her estranged husband to finalize terms of the divorce with their lawyers ... despite numerous attempts.

We're told the ex-basketball star isn't responding to calls from Khloe or her attorney -- and he's very rarely popped up in public. Certainly not long enough to make things official. Our camera guys spotted LO 3 weeks ago ... and he seemed more than fine leaving the divorce/marriage in limbo.

Remember, Lamar once said he wasn't convinced Khloe would see the divorce through.

However, KK definitely wants to cut the cord for good. We're told her best case scenario is meeting Lamar to settle up -- but worst case ... she will file a default judgment if he doesn't respond soon.

Kim Kardashian is upset for a very good reason ... as hard as she's been trying, she can't get pregnant.

Kim has been very open with friends and family ... she and Kanye have been trying to have another baby for the last 9 months but nothing has worked. Kim has been to fertility doctors, but they've made it clear ... having another baby is a long shot.

Turns out North West was a miracle baby ... she had 3 specialists tell her she couldn't get pregnant before North was conceived.

Kim and Kanye assumed the second baby would be easier since it worked once, but the doctors are telling her that's not the case.

We're told Kim is trying to reduce her stress and cut down on traveling ... per doctor's advice.

Kris Jenner had her first XMAS bash as a single woman ... lots of friends but notable absences.

There are reports Kim and Kanye were no shows, but take a look at the 2 pics of Kim and Kanye separately in what looks like the photo booth inside the party.

Khloe shook her ass, Kendall sexed it up, and we'd say Kylie did the same but she's 17.

Bruce was a no show ... ditto Rob, Brody and Brandon.

The bash was thrown at Kris' Calabasas mansion, where she had a giant tent constructed and laced with XMAS lights.

Is Kris Jenner the happiest person you've ever seen who went through a divorce?

10:45 AM PT -- Turns out Bruce did show up to the party ... and snapped a pic with his daughters.

Kris Jenner is through watching all of her daughters strip down and bare it all ... the 59-year-old clearly wants in on the action ... and the result is weird as hell.

Kris and Kendall Jenner won't be breaking the Internet anytime soon with this bizarre vid shot for LOVE Magazine's advent calendar ... it's a head-scratcher for sure.

When you're done eyeballing her long-legged 19-year-old daughter check out how a robotic Kris comes off like the sad mom embarrassing her kids at a sleepover.

Well ... at least they don't make out.

Take a look.

She's hooked up with jocks before, but the new rumors about Khloe Kardashian dating NBA star Robin Lopez seems like BS ... so says Kim's BFF Jonathan Cheban.

Cheban -- who's super tight with all of the Kardashian sisters -- was leaving Craig's in West Hollywood last night when we asked about reports that Khloe and Robin have become an item.

"I was with her yesterday, I didn't hear anything about that," Cheban told us.

The "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" star said he wouldn't be shocked if Khloe eventually began dating another famous athlete ... explaining that a relationship with a normie can get pretty boring for someone on Khloe's level.

As for Robin, he also shot down the rumors this weekend ... and says the media made up the story.

"Obviously they were looking for two people with a lot of influence on popular culture, on the youth, and they were looking for two movers and shakers," Lopez said.

Kylie Jenner and her bf Tyga tried to make a quick exit during their first date night in front of the paparazzi -- but the valet ... and Tyga's fancy car had other plans.

Tylie (yeah, we said it) have been all over Instagram together, but have never been out together at a big L.A. hot spot ... until Thursday night.

Kylie tried to bolt for the passenger door, while covering her face ... but unfortunately for her ... the valet could not figure out how to open the doors on Tyga's Lambo.

They do eventually make their getaway -- but you gotta see the keystone cops routine while they try to figure out how to get in their ride.

Oh, and she's still 17 and he's still 25. Just for the record.

French Montana, Tyga and Scott Disick found some common bonding ground ... at a lingerie party in Hollywood.

The boys were there alongside Chris Brown, Snoop, Sean Kingston and Matt Barnes. VH1 "Love & Hip Hop: Hollywood" star Sincere Show served as hostess for the Facet Studio Black Tie Lingerie Party ... which required men to dress up and the ladies to dress ... with not much at all.

Scott's presence was a little surprising ... he just became a third-time dad this week.

Kris and Bruce Jenner have settled their divorced ... TMZ has learned, and the goodies have been divided, with Bruce scoring several million from his ex.

A L.A. County judge has signed the legal docs.

It's about as clean a divorce as possible. As we previously reported, they did not sign a prenup. Kris gets the family house and they divided up various bank accounts and other assets.

We're told based on the settlement agreement ... neither Kris nor Bruce will get spousal support. As for 17-year-old Kylie, she's so close to becoming an adult they share joint custody and each parent will foot the bill while she's with them.

Under the agreement, Kris has to pay Bruce $2.5 million to equalize things.

Kris gets a 2012 Rolls-Royce Ghost, a 2014 Bentley and a 2014 Land Rover. Bruce gets a 2011 Porsche 997 Coupe, a 2013 Cadillac Escalade and a 2007 Harley motorcycle.

Kris filed for divorce in September, citing irreconcilable differences. She listed the date of separation as June 1, 2013.

They each get to keep their airline miles.

It looks like the actual date they are legally allowed to tie the knot with someone else is March 23, 2015 ... but the fat lady has sung.

They're on the market folks.

Kylie Jenner gave a bunch of sick kids exactly what they wanted this holiday season ... oh yeah, and she brought some toys too.

Wearing a white, shear, midriff-baring top, a pair of tight, ripped jeans, high heels, and camera-ready makeup ... Kylie showed up Monday with boyfriend Tyga to the Teen Impact Holiday Party at the Children's Hospital Los Angeles.

Maybe not the most appropriate outfit for young kids.

So we gotta ask ...

Kanye West was your typical doting dad when he and Kim Kardashian took North to see Disney on Ice ... that is, until he mysteriously disappeared from the arena.

The West family had front row seats at Staples Center Sunday ... along with Kourtney's kids, Mason and Penelope, Brittny and Lisa Gastineau, and Ciara and her kid.

Yeezy looked mostly happy -- especially with his nachos -- but subtly vanished from his seat later in the show ... with Lisa G. eventually taking his spot.

Kanye also didn't make the cut for Kim's post-show pic, but at least North didn't get cut out of this one.

2:50 PM PT --  Kim just copped to the photo edit ... tweeting, "Wait is this really news that I posted a selfie & cropped my daughter out? LOL … Her eyes were closed and I was feeling my look! Can I live?!?!"

Kim Kardashian doesn't like to share the spotlight with anyone, even her own daughter.

KK posted a selfie Sunday night that rather conspicuously cuts off the face of North West ... and the move did not go unnoticed.

Comments on the photo from some of Kim's 23 million followers included:

-- "Seriously you can't even let your own child in a picture with you #selfishness"
-- "Lmao if she loved her child she wouldnt have cropped out the pic"
-- "Narcissism at it's finest"
-- "crop game strongggg, poor North your mom would rather showoff a brick wall than you.....SHAME!!!"

In all fairness, that is a lovely wall.