Humor

You wanna see a shark tank an actor's career? We caution you ... this video of "Sharknado 2" is painful and at the same time hysterical.

The stars shot scenes on the streets of NYC Wednesday. Here's the TMZ review:

Mark McGrath: As believable as Britney Spears singing at the Super Bowl.

Vivica A. Fox: She made me feel guilty. I was rooting for the Great White.

Judd Hirsch: His best Taxi days are behind him.

Bill Murray -- die-hard U of Illinois fan -- is still super bitter about his team's loss to UNC in the 2005 NCAA Men's basketball championship ... and the proof is in this HILARIOUS clip.

Here's the situation ... Murray was in D.C. when he was approached by a pan-handler who flashed his United State's Veteran card ... which shows that he's from North Carolina.

When Bill saw the "N.C." on the card -- he tossed it back in the guy's face and went on a rant about how the Fighting Illini got screwed in the big game that year. It's AWESOME.

Don't worry, after making his case ... Bill gave the guy $10.

As for U of I -- we understand Bill's pain ... they haven't made it back to the championship game since 2005 (and Bill was actually at the game ... see pic below)

It doesn't matter that Ben McLemore was the 7th overall pick in the NBA draft ... or the fact he's considered a legit future star ... he's still a rookie -- which means, he's gotta carry a "Hello Kitty" backpack around NYC.

We spotted the Sacramento Kings shooting guard on his way to the team bus -- but it wasn't the fact that he's 6'5" that drew our attention ... it was the bright pink bag on his shoulder.

The 21-year-old admitted, "It's a rookie thing right here" ... yeah, no kidding.

Could be worse -- at least he didn't have to shave his head like Friar Tuck, right Tim Tebow?

Kevin Hart Fun Fact: He refers to his penis as a "weapon."

Kevin Hart Funner Fact: He guarantees that if he three-peats as MVP of the NBA Celebrity Game at All-Star weekend, he's gonna pull out said "weapon" and walk off the court NAKED.

The "Ride Along" star made the promise on tonight's episode of Jim Rome on Showtime ... warning, "I suggest you get your blur signs ready 'cause I'm gonna let it all hang out."

Hart's got some serious competition this year ... like Secretary of Education Arne Duncan, Victoria's Secret model Erin Heatherton and his arch rival from last year, Nick Cannon.

Starbucks CLAIMS it has a sense of humor over a new coffee shop that became a celeb magnet over the weekend -- Dumb Starbucks -- but deep down Starbucks is dead serious about shutting its dumb namesake down.

Dumb Starbucks opened in Los Feliz over the weekend ... looking almost exactly like a real Starbucks right down to the logo.

It almost immediately became a thing ... with lines going down the block. Celebs like Rainn Wilson and others waited patiently for their java along with common folk.

The people at Dumb Starbucks say what they're doing is perfectly legal because it's a parody ... and parody is protected under the law. It also claims to be an art gallery and not a coffee shop ... so they're not making coffee, they're creating art.

The real Starbucks tells TMZ .. while it appreciates the humor, "they cannot use our name, which is a protected trademark."

Leonardo DiCaprio's penis now stands proudly next to Will Smith and Bradley Cooper's junk -- because a serial prankster made like a lingerie model and buried his face in Leo's crotch last night.

DiCaprio was arriving at the Santa Barbara Int'l. Film Festival when Ukrainian jokester Vitalii Sediuk ran up, dropped to his knees ... and nuzzled his face against DiCaprio's dong for several seconds.

Leo was stunned, but still managed a smile. He's a pro.

Sediuk is a "journalist" who pulled the same crotch stunt with Bradley last month ... and got slapped by Will when he tried to kiss him at a movie premiere.

Security removed Sediuk from Leo's magic stick, but he was not arrested.

The Winter Olympics are finally underway, which means all over Sochi ... stray dogs are running for their lives, and tourists are trying to figure out how the hell to take a crap!

But there's also good stuff happening. Just not in Sochi.

Matt Damon didn't go 9/11 times 100 over the brain-dead way Trey Parker and Matt Stone spoofed him in "Team America: World Police" ... in fact, the actor says he LOVED it.

Damon was doing an AMA on Reddit today ... and said he thought the 2004 flick's mentally handicap "Matt Damon" puppet was hilarious ... even though, for a long time, he wasn't in on the joke.

The 43-year old actor explains, "I mean, I never understood it, and then I heard an interview with them [Trey Parker and Matt Stone] and they said the puppet came in looking kind of mentally deficient and they didn’t have time to change it, so they just made me someone who could really only say his own name."

Matt says the best part was that the character was against the war in Iraq.

MATTT DAAMON!!

Snoop Dogg wants to pick up where Prestige Worldwide left off ... hitting up Will Ferrell to record a sequel to the "Step Brothers" rap debut, "Boats N' Hoes" ... and it seems like Ferrell is down.

Snoop made the offer during Will's AMA session on Reddit earlier this week ... starting the conversation by saying, "ayy Will, imma need some more cowbell on tha next album, u game?"

Will's response: "Of course! I'm absolutely game, Snoop. I've also got some beats that I want to run by you. I'm warning you now, they're not good.
edit: In fact, I just talked myself out of it. I'm not going to show them to you."

That's when Snoop followed up -- "boats n hoes part 2 uhearme !! we may need 2 climb some trees first."

Of course, Snoop is referring to the "Huff 'N Doback" tune from the 2008 flick "Step Brothers."

As far as a sequel to the movie goes, Ferrell has stated in the past that it's unlikely -- but a follow-up to "BnH?" That would be as epic as the Catalina Wine Mixer!!!!

Here's the original song: **WARNING -- EXPLICIT LANGUAGE**

We've never seen Kate Upton do a dance we didn't instantly love -- but her attempt to pull off a Super Bowl TD celebration actually sparked a debate.

Love it or hate it ... we all agree it's fun to watch her try it.

Like a commuter trying to cross the George Washington Bridge, Chris Christie's attempt at comedy last night came to a grinding halt at the Roast of Boomer Esiason in NYC.

The Gov. took the stage at the legendary Friars Club to roast the former NFL star and quickly learned the first lesson of comedy -- don't do it unless you're actually funny.

Among the lowlights ...

-- "When I was approached about doing to this event, I said yes right away. I said listen, 'I''ll do anything for Super Bowl winning quarterback Boomer Esiason' ... and then i said, ya know, he didnt win that game did he? That was Joe Montana that won that game." [Boomer looks at his watch].

-- "Look at this dais ... I mean Robert Wuhl, seriously? I mean at this point, Robert will show up for anything."

-- "I mean I've seen bigger stars after bumping my head."

-- "What happened? Were Screech and the dog from Frasier busy today?"

And the Joke de la Resistance ... Christie PRETENDED like he was going to announce his candidacy for President of the United States ... but then, CURVEBALL!!!

Justin Bieber has one huuuuge disadvantage if he's trying to make a run at DeSean Jackson's ex-GF -- his penis ... this according to the guy who voiced "Special Ed" on "Crank Yankers."

We broke the story ... Jackson's ex-GF Chantel Jeffries was the passenger in Bieber's Lambo when he was arrested Thursday morning ... and now there's speculation they're bangin'.

Suck it up Northeast, and learn a lesson from Andy Samberg ... who made the most of the massive storm which dropped at least a foot of snow in NYC.

The "Brooklyn Nine-Nine" star strapped on a pair of skis and cruised right down city streets.

That's how you handle a snowstorm ... like a boss.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is officially in the penis enhancement business ... at least according to Tom Arnold, who says his junk looks BIGGER now because of all the weight he lost using Schwarzenegger's supplements.

As we reported, Tom says he lost 90 pounds in a matter of months thanks to exercise and diet -- including Schwarzenegger's new line of supps -- but added the biggest benefit was in his pants ... because now his penis looks bigger.

It takes a lot to get Leonardo DiCaprio turned on ... so says the actress who had the enviable task of giving Leo a lap dance in "The Wolf of Wall Street" ... but failed to get a rise out of him.

Tracie Jayne -- who was cast as a stripper in the movie -- says she threw herself into her work ... grabbing DiCaprio by the hair ... licking his neck ... and biting his ear -- but wasn't able to arouse little Leo.

"Maybe he was wearing Spanx or he taped it down or ... thought about his dead grandmother," she joked.

Jayne -- who's actually a standup comic by profession -- insists Leo still had a good time ... telling her to "go for it."

You gotta hear her tell it.

Here's a photo of Marshall Mathers getting into The Christmas Spirit.

"The Christmas Spirit" is the name of that reindeer.