Kids

Charlie Sheen did NOT actually tie the knot with his ex-porn star GF Brett Rossi over the weekend -- despite tweeting he did -- Sheen tells TMZ, he was just joking ... in a humorous attempt to incapacitate his ex-wife.

The Warlock sent the tweet Sunday from Iceland, including the photo, saying, "This is the house ware M Gorbachev R Reagan did some epic. it's also where S and I GOT MARRIED!"

But Sheen tells us, the tweet was all in jest ... "I wanted to give Denise [Richards] a stroke!!!"

As we reported, relations have been strained between Charlie and Denise recently. Charlie accused Denise of refusing to allow their daughters to open Christmas gifts at his house over the holidays, calling her a heartless ugly hag. Denise denied the accusation.

But not all of Charlie's recent tweets were a joke -- we're told the forearm tattoo he dedicated to Brett and his children is 100% real. Each letter stands for one of Charlie's children: Max, Lola, Bob, Cassandra, Sam, and Denise's adopted daughter Eloise. The safety pin symbolizes Brett.

"Burn Notice" star Seth Peterson's a reckless druggie who abandoned his pregnant wife for a 22-year-old woman ... so claims his pregnant wife ... and now, shocker, she's filing for divorce.

Kylee Cochran filed the docs in L.A. citing irreconcilable differences. She says 43-year-old Seth bailed on their 12-year marriage in September to shack up with his 22-year-old side piece, while his wife was 3 months pregnant with their third child.

Kylee is now 7 months pregnant and wants a judge to give her full physical and legal custody of their kids, including their 5-year-old son and 8-year-old daughter. She claims Seth is already okay with this, and agreed to give up all custodial rights.

Kylee says she's open to giving Seth visitation, but only under supervised conditions, given his alleged past drug use.

And she wants spousal support -- if she's telling the truth, it's only fair.

Calls to Seth weren't returned.

We think she's gonna be sad ...

Kylie Jenner continued her vehicular losing streak Saturday afternoon in Malibu ... getting stopped by an L.A. County Sheriff's deputy and ticketed for a moving violation.

The photog who shot the pic says it was for speeding.

The youngest member of the Kardashian clan has had an eventful first few months of driving -- back in August she caused a 3 car crash ... just 18 days after getting her license.

But she don't care.

Ludacris' longtime GF Eudoxie is turning a blind eye to her BF's infidelities that produced a kid ... because she's still determined to marry him.

Sources close to the couple tell TMZ, Eudoxie forgives Luda for impregnating baby mama Tamika Fuller. Luda claims they were on a break when he hooked up with Tamika. Sound familiar, Dwyane?

We're told Eudoxie -- who's been dating Luda since 2009 -- is emotionally hurt, but she too is taking the position they weren't a couple at the time of conception ... even though their Instagram suggests otherwise.

Ludacris would rather spend his money on Kibbles 'n Bits than his newborn daughter ... so claims the rapper's baby mama.

Tamika Fuller just filed docs in her paternity battle with Luda -- responding to the rapper's bid to put a $1700 cap on his child support obligations.

Tamika grouses ... Luda has millions of bucks -- an impressive $80 mil between 2006 and 2012 -- and spends roughly $7,000 a month on lawn care and $5,000 a month on his pets.

So Tamika's calling BS and wants Ludacris to pay ALL of her lawyer's fees so she can afford to hire an attorney who will take him to the cleaners in court.

Single is the new married for Pablo Schreiber -- who plays the corrupt drug-peddling fellatio-soliciting correctional officer George Mendez on "Orange Is the New Black" -- because TMZ has learned ... his wife just pulled the plug on their marriage.

Jessica Schreiber -- a yoga instructor -- filed for legal separation shortly before Christmas -- bummer -- citing irreconcilable differences.

Pablo -- whose nickname on the show is "Pornstache" -- married Jessica in 2007. They have two kids, a 5-year-old son and a 22-month-old daughter.

Jessica isn't going easy on Pablo either -- she's demanding full physical custody of the children, and she wants Pablo to pay her spousal support. She also wants the judge to reject any bid he might make for spousal support.

Nonetheless, Jessica says she's open to giving Pablo visitation and she's willing to share legal custody. Sounds like something even Pablo's brother, Liev, can't fix.

Even though it's separation, it sounds like divorce is on the horizon. Check out his tweet a few weeks back.

Behold, the Sith Lord's new apprentice.

69-year-old George Lucas stepped out on New Year's Day in St. Barts with his 4-month-old daughter Everest, his first ever biological child. Lucas has three other adopted children, two in their 20s, one in her 30s.

Lucas and his new wife Mellody Hobson got married last June. Everest was delivered via surrogate in November.

It's unclear if Everest has a twin brother currently residing on another planet, so right now ... she's our only hope.

Former "Teen Mom" star Maci Bookout had a momcation in Miami this week ... and with no kid to look after, the 22-year-old let everyone know it was BOOZIN' TIME!!!

Sportin' a shirt that read, "Off Duty," Bookout was seen smokin' ciggies, drinking beer and even swiggin' a champagne cocktail on the beach.

Bookout also posted video of a dancing session in her hotel ... good times.

Of course, Bookout has a 5-year-old son Bentley, but he was reportedly at home with his father Ryan Edwards.

Ludacris didn't use protection when he banged some chick, but he's taking precautions now ... because he wants to legally establish his paternity and then set a hard limit on his child support.

Ludacris has been in a long-term relationship with Eudoxie -- pronounced kinda like the book in the Bible (don't ask). But Luda took a break from Eudo long enough to get Tamika Fuller preggo.

Cai Bella Bridges was born December 9th. And here's where the plot thickens.

It seems Ludacris knows he's the daddy, but he's worried Tamika will go in for the kill. So he's filed legal docs -- obtained by TMZ -- claiming he's only pulling in $25,842.41 a month on average. Under Georgia law ... his monthly child support payment would be set at $1,754.66.

FYI ... Forbes says Luda is worth $12 mil ... but that seems real low.

Reinstated "Duck Dynasty" star Phil Robertson thinks guys should marry 15 or 16-year-old girls because when they get any older they become gold diggers.

Another video of Phil's preachin' has surfaced ... and in this one he implores his followers to marry young girls because "They'll pick [clean] your ducks." He goes on with a cautionary message: "You wait till they get to be 20 years old ... the only pickin' that's gonna take place is your pocket."

So we gotta ask ...

Quvenzhane Wallis -- the 10-year-old who was nominated for Best Actress this year for "Beasts of the Southern Wild" -- is going to make a fortune for her next movie ... and that's just for starters.

Q is set to star in the movie remake of "Annie." The producers had to get approval from a judge because she's a minor, and we got the legal docs, showing what this little girl will deposit in her bank account.

-- $750,000 base salary
-- $750,000 bonus if the movie does super good
-- 5% of profits
-- 5% of all merchandising
-- 10% of sound track album royalties

Now get this ... Q's co-stars are Jamie Foxx and Cameron Diaz. According to her contract, her name cannot be lower than second position. Realistically, that means Q will appear above Cameron.

Q gets unlimited Wi-Fi in her trailer.

She gets veto power on any bloopers before they're released.

When Q promotes the flick ... they have to give her 3 dresses from which to choose and she gets to keep the one she wears. But one caveat -- she can't sell or lend the garment to anyone.

And the best one ... Her image can be used to promote the film but NOT the sale of alcohol, tobacco, firearms, feminine hygiene products and pharmaceuticals. It also prohibits producers using Q's image for gambling, EXCEPT her punim CAN appear on Pachinko machines (everybody's favorite Japanese arcade game).

Not bad for an orphan.

Chloe Moretz -- who starred in "Hugo" -- stands to make more than a million bucks in her next movie -- not bad for a 16-year-old.

Chloe is the star in an upcoming movie -- "If I Stay." Since Moretz is a minor ... producers had to file legal docs with the court asking for permission to hire her. We obtained the docs, and they reveal Chloe will make $500,000 as a base salary.

But wait. There's more. Chloe will get 15% of profits from the movie ... and even if the movie doesn't show profits she could get an additional $1 million.

And there's still more ... If she gets nominated for a Best Actress Oscar she gets $25,000 and another $25K if she takes home the statue.

And even more ... She gets a cut of any merchandising.

So stay in acting class kids.

Paris Jackson looked healthy and happy vacationing with her mom in Hawaii ... but MJ's daughter still has a long road ahead of her -- we're told the treatment will last years.

Debbie Rowe and Paris mugged for the camera during the trip ... as you know, Rowe lost contact with Paris after she divorced Michael Jackson, but the 2 reconnected a little over a year ago and are now extremely tight. Rowe speaks constantly with Paris -- who is at a boarding school in Utah.

As for Paris' treatment ... our sources say she's riddled with so many problems she's almost certainly spending several years at the facility ... where she is getting intensive counseling.

DMX just settled a HUGE $1 million child support case ... and TMZ has learned he's now in Europe trying to recoup some of that cash.

TMZ broke the story ... DMX was accused of owing more than 10 years of back child support to Patricia Trejo. Because he owed so much ... X wasn't allowed to have a passport ... which meant he was prohibited from traveling to any overseas gigs.

DMX's rep tells TMZ the child support case has now been settled -- he wouldn't say for how much but we're told X paid off a huge chunk.

The woman claiming Soulja Boy fathered her kid has some hard evidence he's the daddy ... including pictures of her straddling Soulja.

Diamond Shantaniece Mackey filed legal docs claiming Soulja Boy has a son -- 5-year-old Portlon.

Turns out Diamond may have struck gold with a picture taken in 2007 in a hotel room where she claims she took a pregnancy test ... which came back positive.

During her pregnancy, Soulja became a huge star with the hit, "Crank That." After Portlon was born ... Diamond says Soulja took a home DNA test and texted her a picture of a 0% sign and then changed his phone number.

Chad Johnson had a big, bold message printed on his t-shirt for all the little boys and girls at Toys R' Us to see on Christmas Eve ... "CARPE THAT F**KING DIEM" kids!

The former NFL star hit up the toy store in Pembroke Pines, FL to pick up some last minute gifts on Tuesday ... and actually decided to wear a shirt with the word "f**king" written in huge letters on the front.

Of course, the rest of the phrase was written in Latin ... so kids probably wouldn't get the "seize the day" message ... but "f**king" was written in plain English for everyone to enjoy.

We reached out to Chad for comment -- who told us, "I should've went in with no shirt."