Humor

Never thought we'd say this, but Too Short kinda sounds like a feminist when he's discussing the flood of sexual harassment allegations. Kinda.

We got Short at Mastro's Steakhouse in Bev Hills where we asked him how guys can avoid becoming the target of sexual misconduct allegations.

Surprisingly, the Bay Area rap legend -- whose favorite word, as we all know, is "biiiitch" -- says he's got a simple fix: let women take charge. On every front. Especially in the bedroom.

Nick Swardson is a die-hard Vikings fan -- "I like the Vikings more than my family."

So, when we asked how he felt about Vikings QB Case Keenum leading his team to victory over the team that let him go last year, the Rams -- Swardson was LOVING it.

Backstory ... the Rams let Keenum go after the 2016 season after benching him for Jared Goff. The Vikings swooped him up and the rest is history.

Matthew McConaughey was barely recognizable Monday on the set of his new flick, "The Beach Bum" ... although the role doesn't look like much of a stretch.

Matt's down in Miami shooting the new flick where he plays Moondog ... a dude who "lives life by his own rules." We smell some serious method acting. Isla Fisher is also in it, but her look's more apocalyptic than beach-y.

Saying McConaughey was born to play this role would be an understatement.

Remember, the man's already got his Oscar ... he can take whatever role he wants.

Tyrese is keeping his acting chops sharp for "Fast & Furious 9" -- if it ever shoots -- by continuing to play the role of hostage taker ... even though the jig is fully up.

We got Tyrese and his would-be captive, comedian Michael Blackson, Monday night at Mr Chow ... where Mike still appeared to be under Tyrese's thumb. It's an odd bit of theater, considering TMZ already broke the real story 12 hours earlier.

Police rushed to Tyrese's home when he posted a video making it seem like he was getting violent revenge on Blackson. Turned out to be a publicity stunt, but apparently, they're bucking to replace Key & Peele -- because the duo's still in character.

Neither the Emmy, Oscar nor Tony goes to ...

The Georgia Dome was imploded this week after 25 historic years of hosting sporting events -- and 1 guy had a front row seat ... until a damn bus got in his way.

Just as the explosives began to go off Monday morning in Atlanta, a cameraman for The Weather Channel got his view obstructed by a local bus ... and he lost his cool.

His reaction is pretty freakin' hilarious, but also understandable. Aside from the usual reasons to hate city buses ... this poor sap now has a new one, and for good cause too.

Ming Xi, the model who ate it at the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, is such a pro ... she kept grinning all the way down to her knees!

Ming inadvertently stole Sunday's show in Shanghai when she took the huge spill while apparently trying, and failing, to balance the foliage on her back. You've seen the video, but now we have pics from all angles.

Trust us, this one's worthy of a frame-by-frame break down.

Look, up in the sky! That's definitely not a bird or a plane ... it's a giant freakin' penis.

That's right, the U.S. Navy is taking time out of, y'know ... defending the nation, to issue an apology for one seriously cocky pilot. The giant dong popped up Thursday in the sky over Washington State.

The Maverick-wannabe who pulled the stunt hails from the Whidbey Island naval station ... which prompted his superiors to say, "We find this absolutely unacceptable, of zero training value and we are holding the crew accountable."

Get that? IF there was "training value" in it, we'd be seeing twigs and berries all over the sky.

Aim high!!!

Justin Bieber must've felt holier than thou hugging it out with his pastor for 18 seconds ... but it didn't last, 'cause he became a sinful L.A. driver soon after.

We got Bieber leaving a church service at the Saban Theatre in Bev Hills Wednesday, where he gave one of his pastors, Judah Smith, a big bro hug on the way out. And by big, we actually mean long as hell ... like 18 seconds long ... ALLIGATOR seconds at that.

Seems like Justin got a lot out of the embrace, but whatever Godliness he felt quickly faded as he drove off ... 'cause the Biebs did a super illegal U-turn getting outta there.

Brandi Glanville went into fierce mom mode after running into a fan who brought a little kid with her to score autographs at night ... and her scolding is hilarious.

We got the ex-'Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' star leaving Catch LA Tuesday around 9:40 pm where she bumped into a lady who had a child with her ... which was not okay with Brandi.

The autograph-seeking fan offers an explanation as to why the tyke's out so late, but Brandi wasn't really having it -- especially as a mom of 2 boys herself.

First, Jamie Foxx nailed the laugh ... now he's got the voice. Close your eyes and tell us you don't hear Jay-Z.

We got Jamie leaving Poppy Monday night in WeHo, and asked about one of the best parts of his stand-up routine -- celebrity impersonations. Last time we saw him, Jamie showed off his Jigga giggle and it was tight.

He's been sharpening his skills, because this time Jamie spit a few lines in Jay's voice -- and it's a great tease for his possible return to a comedy stage.

The guy who co-created Adult Swim's cult hit show, "Rick and Morty," wants to apologize for making McDonald's Szechuan sauce a thing again. Hear him out.

We got Justin Roiland -- who also voices Rick and Morty -- at LAX and asked what he thought about Mickey D's deciding to bring back the infamous dipping sauce, partly due to him writing it into his show. It caused HUGE customer lines ... and Justin's got some regrets, for sure.

For one, he feels badly for McDonald's workers who got raked over the coals by rabid customers.

Bonus fun: Justin told us how he nailed the perfect level of drunkenness to play the mad scientist on his show. Cheers to that, bud.

Sean Combs gets a little drunk, talks a little smack and next thing ya know he's got a full-blown name change -- and that's the real deal ... according to the former Brother Love himself.

We got Sean -- aka Diddy, Puffy, P. Diddy, etc. -- chilling in NYC, where he broke down how his birthday celebration sent him down the Brother Love path. He says the booze has worn off, but the love-in' is far from over.

The 'Bad Boy' honcho admits the whole thing got too confusing -- not to mention pissing off WWE's Bruce Prichard. Still, Diddy explains he ain't picky when it comes to handles.

Always good to have options!

Wanna see how fast ice hockey players can move on land?

You're in luck ... because when the Nashville Predators team bus left Catch LA restaurant without 2 guys ... they busted out the footspeed to stop their ride from ditching them!

The NHL team was celebrating Sunday night after beating the L.A. Kings the night before -- they were all in a good mood ... signing autographs and taking pics with fans.

But 2 guys were draggin' ass when it came time to leave ... so the bus took off without 'em. That's when the race was on!

Alec Baldwin jumped in the shower with SNL's Alex Moffat to mock the paranoia in Washington that everyone is wired.

Baldwin reprieved his Donald Trump character, who took Moffat -- who plays Paul Manafort -- to the shower where it would be impossible to record their conversation.

And then, of course, the Harvey Weinstein joke from Baldwin ... "What an idiot that Harvey Weinstein is, he could've gotten away with all of it if he was elected president."

Selena Gomez became the cool new kid on the block ... 'cause she went for a bike ride and conquered a school yard.

Selena was hangin' out with a bunch of L.A. school kids Monday after a bike ride with a pal ... and rather than shy away, she embraced the attention.

Selena posed with the posse as they chaotically flocked around her. She kept her cool, though ... even putting up some shots.

If you're reading this, it's too late to not know Gwyneth Paltrow loses her head in the movie "Se7en" ... but it's not too late to get a kick out of her Halloween costume.

Gwyneth posted a photo Sunday of her costume this year -- and it's a straight tribute to her role in the 1995 thriller she starred in alongside then-boyfriend Brad Pitt.

It shows her in a tub with a box around her head ... and her current boyfriend, Brad Falchuk, dressed as Kevin Spacey's character from the film. In case you're 22 years behind in seeing the flick, Spacey sends Brad Gwyneth's head in a box ... BTW, this is a spoiler.

An interesting backdrop here ... "Se7en" was made a few years before Harvey Weinstein allegedly put the moves on Gwyneth, and Brad confronted him about it.