Nurse!

The finger Jose Canseco SHOT OFF HIS HAND is almost as good as new ... so says the MLB star's ex-wife who just showed TMZ Sports some pretty gnarly never-before-seen pics of Jose's progress.

Jessica Canseco was leaving 1 Oak in Hollywood when she admitted she told Jose to have the finger amputated after he put a bullet through the digit back in October.

But fortunately Jose didn't take her advice ... and now Jessica says he's on his way to one of the most miraculous recoveries she's ever seen -- thanks to an insane surgical procedure involving a piece of Jose's hip bone!!!

Check out the clip -- Jessica not only gives the medical update ... but shows off graphic pics of Jose's hand just weeks after the accident.

Better put your food down for this one ...

The boyfriend of "Mob Wives" star Natalie Guercio got knifed in a Brooklyn nightclub last night ... TMZ has learned.

London Rene has a huge wound on the right side of his face after the attack in Output Club. He's hospitalized, and from what he told cops ... lucky to be alive.

According to NYPD ... Rene says a man walked up to him with a box cutter and sliced his face ... and then cut his left arm and abdomen. The stabber fled the scene, but Rene told cops he knows the guy.

Rene was taken to the hospital by ambulance.

We're told Natalie was standing by Rene's side during the attack.

It's unclear what the suspect's motive was. NYPD is investigating.

Kim Kardashian is upset for a very good reason ... as hard as she's been trying, she can't get pregnant.

Kim has been very open with friends and family ... she and Kanye have been trying to have another baby for the last 9 months but nothing has worked. Kim has been to fertility doctors, but they've made it clear ... having another baby is a long shot.

Turns out North West was a miracle baby ... she had 3 specialists tell her she couldn't get pregnant before North was conceived.

Kim and Kanye assumed the second baby would be easier since it worked once, but the doctors are telling her that's not the case.

We're told Kim is trying to reduce her stress and cut down on traveling ... per doctor's advice.

Amanda Bynes is OUT of her manic state ... acting completely "normal" and her family thinks it's nothing short of "mind blowing."

Sources familiar with the situation tell TMZ ... Amanda is off all meds, including Adderall, which caused her to get a DUI.

When you speak with Amanda there is no way you would know she's been diagnosed with schizophrenia and bipolarity. She is completely lucid.

We're told things have stabilized so much, her parents have given her limited access again to bank accounts. She spends her time reading, doing yoga, meditation and pilates ... all stress reducers which doctors say are important for these mental disorders.

We're also told Amanda's recent trip to USC -- where she'd like to enroll as a psych major -- was all planned by her.

Here's the rub. Doctors have told Amanda's family, people with such mental illnesses sometimes rebound and they can be ok for months, only to relapse again.

Hayden Panettiere can't escape the laws of physics -- birthing Wladimir Klitschko's baby did some permanent damage to her bod.

Hayden copped to the ordeal of bringing Kaya Evdokia into this world with People ... saying, "I'm limping around. I'm still trying to figure out what [pregnancy] has done to my body, how it's changed it."

As for recovery ... she added, "I know some things will never be the same again."

Sounds about right -- Kaya was 7 lbs., 14 oz. and damn near 2 feet tall. Hayden's only 5 feet tall.

The Lead singer of Say Anything hurled on stage Monday night ... soaking a security guard in vomit.

Lead singer Max Bemis was towards the end of the set at the House of Blues in West Hollywood when he projectile vomited without warning. It's unclear why ... but there was alcohol on stage so it ain't that hard to read between the lines.

Bemis didn't miss a beat, and continued singing "I Want to Know Your Plans." As for the security guard ... well it definitely ruined his night.

A Tennessee couple says they came to Dolly Parton's Dollywood for entertainment -- what they got was a traumatizing experience that left one of them with lasting brain damage and broken bones.

Tedi and Derryl Brown claim in a new lawsuit ... Tedi went on the Waltzing Swinger ride, which is like a giant, revolving swing. She says she hung on for dear life after slipping from her seat and falling head first onto the hard concrete, 10-ft. below.

They say the park ignored the wet weather ... and the slick conditions turned the ride into a death trap -- resulting in Tedi's extensive, life-changing injuries.

They're demanding the park pay $475K in damages.

Richard Simmons is still MIA ... nearly a year after he was last seen, and there are no signs of XMAS or even life at his home.

His friends are more worried than ever. They haven't heard from or seen him since January 11. He hasn't been to his exercise studio in 6 months.

There are no XMAS decorations at his Hollywood Hills house. Friends are not allowed to visit. A housekeeper seems to stand guard whenever anyone tries to enter.

Simmons' rep told us the exercise guru was depressed over a knee injury and that's why he has gone radio silent, but his friends are convinced it is far more serious. They say Richard was the ultimate caring person who loved interaction, and now there is none whatsoever.

Muhammad Ali is in a hospital battling pneumonia -- but doctors expect him to make a full recovery.

72-year-old Ali was admitted to an undisclosed hospital early Saturday morning ... according to a rep for the boxing legend. The rep says it's a mild case of pneumonia which doctors caught early -- so he's not expected to have a very long hospital stay.

Earlier this month ... TMZ Sports got pics of "The Greatest" hanging with Snoop Dogg at Nevada's high school championship game. Snoop's son and Ali's grandson were teammates at Bishop Gorman high.

The ex-boyfriend of Nicki Minaj is taking their break-up INCREDIBLY hard ... to the point he's having suicidal thoughts.

Safaree Samuels is confiding in friends that he's an emotional wreck over his breakup with Nicki after a 12-year relationship. He's become a shut-in, spends days and nights smoking weed, and has talked openly about suicide.

Safaree is telling friends he won't get in touch with Nicki because she's now hooked up with Meek Mill. He says it's torture for him, because he believes Meek Mill destroyed his relationship with Nicki over false claims he cheated.

Safaree's friends say they're scared these are more than idle threats. They've urged him to see a shrink. The problem ... he's seeing one whom he says has been giving him meds that make him even more emotional.

Soap star Crystal Hunt destroys faces and dreams according to the woman she attacked this year ... now she's paying out ... but it seems like a drop in the bucket.

The "One Life to Live" actress went to town on Elizabeth Nam during a bar brawl, cracking a bar glass on her face, requiring doctors, plastic surgeons and even a shrink.

You'd think the bills, along with her pain and suffering, would be in the tens of thousands of dollars.

But a criminal court judge just ordered Crystal to pay a measly $3,600 to Elizabeth in restitution. It's unclear why the amount is so low.

Crystal has pled no contest to assault, and has been placed on 3 years probation and ordered to perform 45 days of community labor.

Sounds like Elizabeth got hit ... and then slapped in the face. But Elizabeth can still file a civil suit.

One of the NHL teams hit by the mumps outbreak is north of the border right now ... potentially exposing opponents to the virus -- but Canadian health officials are pretty damn laid back about the risk.

As we previously reported -- players from the Anaheim Ducks, Pittsburgh Penguins, Minnesota Wild, NY Rangers, and NJ Devils ... have come down with mumps in recent weeks. The Ducks played Tuesday night in Toronto ... and are taking on the Montreal Canadiens Wednesday night.

TMZ Sports spoke to the Montreal Dept. of Public Health, and shockingly ... officials say they haven't reached out to their hometown team, or any visiting teams to discuss preventing the spread of the virus.

Health officials in Winnipeg -- where the Jets are getting ready for a road trip to play the Wild -- gave us a similar response.

Mumps -- a painful swelling of the salivary glands -- spreads fairly easily from coughing, sneezing or kissing ... and enters the body through the eyes, nose, or mouth.

The clinic where Joan Rivers' throat procedure turned deadly ... just filed a plan to make a slew of major changes to avoid getting shut down by the feds.

According to docs obtained by TMZ ... Yorkville Endoscopy is responding to flaws found by the Department of Health and Human services ... by making several upgrades to its procedures.

Among the changes:
- Stricter procedures to credential physicians and observers who are admitted into operating rooms
- The clinic has to perform a full assessment of a patient's weight, allergies, and medical history before administering Propofol
- Supplemental oxygen should be routinely used and immediately available for patients sedated with Propofol
- Anesthesiologists must check vital signs at least every 5 minutes for patients sedated with Propofol
- Unscheduled drills to resuscitate patients using defibrillators/crash carts will be run 4 times a year

Most of the changes relate directly to problems the agency found at the clinic while investigating Joan's death. The Dept. of HHS has signed off on Yorkville's plan.

Yorkville officials had been given a January deadline to get this done ... or the feds could have closed down the clinic.

Charlie Sheen could just attach a DVD of Steve Martin in "Little Shop of Horrors" to explain his defense in a lawsuit claiming he assaulted a dental technician ... because the actor blames it all on the gas.

Sheen just filed legal docs responding to a lawsuit filed by Margarita Palestino, who claims Charlie grabbed her boob and came at her with a knife in October as he sat in a dental chair.

She told cops Charlie's bodyguard claims the star was high on rock cocaine at the time ... something Charlie and his team vehemently deny.They say he was on meds for a shoulder injury and had an adverse reaction to the nitrous, causing him to flail around and accidentally knock over a tray of tools.

The new docs don't mention the shoulder meds but do say he had an adverse reaction to the gas.

Charlie's lawyer says the technician is not only making up stories ... she got fired because she violated HIPAA laws by telling her son Charlie was in the office.

Scott Stapp is circling the drain ... it's incredibly sad and extremely evident from 4 recent recordings which show the desperation of the former Creed frontman.

Clip #1 Stapp made a desperate 911 call last month from the side of a Florida highway, telling the dispatcher he's trying to dodge a group of people out to kill him.

Clip #2 In the same conversation, a panicked Stapp tells a dispatcher 15 vehicles are following him and he's been on the run for 36 hours straight.

Clip #3 Stapp placed a call to the dean of his kid’s school last month, warning that ISIS will attack the people of Florida, and he knows that because the terrorists are members of his family.

Clip #4 Stapp accuses his wife Jaclyn of stealing his truck. The singer claims his wife has blackmailed him, saying she will ruin his career if he blows the whistle on her to cops.

As we reported, Stapp's wife claims Stapp is deep into drugs and is trying to get him committed to a psych hospital for 60 days.

According to our sources, Miley had a simple outpatient procedure to remove a cyst that had been giving her problems for sometime. We're told it's a one-time thing and will not require any additional procedures.

Miley Cyrus was hospitalized Friday night for what looks like some kind of weird flesh wound on her wrist ... and she quickly posted pics of the injury -- with a twist.

The 22 year-old singer snapped a photo in an L.A. ER, presumably of the wound -- but just like the rest of her Instagram ... she photoshopped a happy face.

We're told it was a hospital in Tarzana -- the San Fernando Valley -- and she was there Friday afternoon. We don't know what caused the injury.

Miley also posted a pic of herself wearing the gown and noted how hipster it made her look.