Chicago Bears

Well, this doesn't bode well for Kristin Cavallari.

If Chicago Bears QB Jay Cutler wants to turn things around and start playing like a winner ... he's gotta do things that winners do -- and that starts with banging Gisele.

At least, that's the strategy "New Girl" star Lamorne Morris -- a HUGE Chicago Bears fan -- was recommending when we talked to the guy at The Improv in L.A. last night.

"Until [Cutler] starts inserting himself into Gisele every night ... she has a magical vagina ... then I will believe in him."

Chicago Bears QB Jimmy Clausen tied the knot this weekend ... marrying pro volleyball star Jess Gysin ... and a bunch of NFL superstars were there to watch the whole thing go down.

Jimmy and Gysin had been dating since 2012 ... despite the fact they attended rival colleges -- he went to Notre Dame, she played ball at USC.

The two tied the knot in a ceremony in Palm Desert -- in front of some of Jimmy's old teammates ... including Golden Tate (who played with JC at ND) and Jonathan Stewart (who played with JC in Carolina).

Congrats!!

Brandon Marshall is a dad ... TIMES TWO ... 'cause his wife Michi just gave birth to twins last month -- and the NFL star says she's already bounced back to her pre-baby weight!

The Chicago Bears wide receiver says the kids just celebrated their 6 week birthday -- and just like Wladimir Klitschko, he's super impressed with his bad ass wife.

"My beautiful wife is not from this planet," Marshall says ... "6 weeks post baby (×2) and she's already at her pre baby (×2) weight. Her discipline with her diet and mutant genes has her #snapback game #CRAZY."

Congrats!

LeBron James and Blake Griffin should consider themselves lucky ... 'cause Bears TE Martellus Bennett tells TMZ Sports he could be PUNISHING the NBA if he'd chosen the roundball life.

Bennett was showing his skills at the Gridiron Celebrity Hoops charity game in Phoenix this past weekend ... absolutely bruising other stars like Romeo Miller and fellow NFL'er Dez Bryant.

But when we asked Bennett -- who was an All State hoops player in high school -- if things would be different against the best in the world he seemed oddly ... confident.

A lot more confident than Pete Carroll was in Marshawn Lynch. #NeverLettingItGo.

Chicago Bears fans can take a deep breath, 'cause Brandon Marshall's punctured lung is doing MUCH better ... so say his doctors who allowed the WR to begin flying again ... TMZ Sports has learned.

We broke the story ... Marshall had to miss a court-ordered deposition last month stemming from a case in which he's accused of attacking a woman outside of a NYC nightclub in 2012.

Marshall claimed doctors told him it was unsafe to fly since he had just suffered a punctured lung from a hit he took during a Thursday Night Football game.

But everything's been healing well ... and earlier this month, Marshall told the court he's been cleared for takeoff ... and was willing and able to attend a makeup depo on January 30th.

Sources tell us Marshall made his appointment and sat for a deposition without a hitch ... or a breathing issue.

The Chicago Bears player who was arrested for DUI Wednesday told police he was going nearly 100 mph on the Interstate because he was late for a parent/teacher conference ... this according to the police report obtained by TMZ Sports.

According to the report, Tim Jennings was arrested around noon in Gwinnett County, GA ... when an officer saw the 31-year-old hauling ass in a white Mercedes.

During the stop, the cop says he could smell booze on Tim's breath ... and wanted to perform field sobriety tests.

But according to the report, Jennings was ADAMANT he wasn't drunk -- telling the cop he had stopped drinking about 10 hours before the stop (2AM).

The cop asked Jennings if he had brushed his teeth or used mouthwash to cover up the scent -- and Jennings replied, "What kind of question is that?"

The officer shot back, "Sir, you can brush your teeth and still have the smell of alcohol on your breath, you know that."

The cop says Tim admitted to speeding and said he was running late for a parent/teacher conference for his 2-year-old child.

Jennings refused to take a breathalyzer but bombed several other field sobriety tests and was eventually arrested for DUI, speeding and reckless driving.

Rex Ryan to the Bears???

There's one huge Chicago guy who likes the idea -- Common -- who tells TMZ Sports it would be "dope" if the former NY Jets coach blew into the Windy City.

Sure, he was ran outta NY, but Common says Rex could be a perfect fit in Chicago ... where Bears chairman George McCaskey just ousted the previous head coach Marc Trestman.

Chicago Bears superstar Brandon Marshall says he's on a 4-week timeout from flying -- and can't get on a plane to NYC for a deposition in his assault case ... all because of his collapsed lung.

TMZ Sports has learned ... the wide receiver was scheduled to appear for the depo on December 9th to defend himself against allegations he punched a woman in the face outside of a nightclub back in 2012.

But in court docs obtained by TMZ Sports, Marshall claims there's no way in hell he could've made it to the deposition because doctors have put him on a "no-fly restriction" due to injuries he suffered during a Thursday Night Football game on Dec. 4th.

According to docs submitted in the case ... the WR's overall condition is "good" and doctors had planned to reevaluate the NFL star toward the end of December.

We did a little digging ... and according to the British Lung Foundation, the reduced cabin pressure in planes makes it more difficult to breathe.

For his part, Marshall has denied any wrongdoing -- and has said his wife was the real victim during the night of the incident ... claiming she was hit with a bottle while leaving the club after a scuffle had broken out.

Brandon Marshall's mother says it's "very sweet" that her son is willing to fight a smack-talking Lions fan who dissed her on Twitter -- telling TMZ Sports, "I'm honored."

As you know ... the Chicago Bears star offered $25k to FIGHT a man named Anthony Kalla after Anthony went on a social media tirade this week and called Brandon's mother a w**re.

"I am honored that my son wanted to have a duel on his mother’s behalf," Brandon's mother Diane tells us. "I think this is Brandon’s way of getting the guy’s attention."

Still ... when push comes to shove, Diane says she does NOT believe Brandon was being serious when he made the offer.

"He’s not going into a boxing ring and putting gloves on to fight anytime soon."

As for Brandon's initial challenge to Anthony -- that Kalla would have to work in an orphanage if he lost the fight -- Diane says she still expects the less fortunate to benefit from the situation.

Tom Brady and the New England Patriots beat up Chicago so badly this weekend, even Tom's wife couldn't help herself from trolling the Bears online ... by bragging about the 51 points TB hung on 'em.

After the game, Tom and Gisele posed for a couples photo ... with Tom holding up 5 fingers, Gisele holding up 1 ... representing the 51-23 beatdown the Pats delivered at Gillette Stadium.

Gisele added the caption, "So happy for my love!!! Go Pats!!! 51 points!!!"

The supermodel has gotten into trouble for talking smack about Tom's teammates in the past -- but blasting opponents is OK, right?

The Chicago Bears are NOT a lost cause ... despite the fact they've lost 3 out of their last 4 games ... this according to Jay Cutler's wife.

Kristin Cavallari was arriving at an event at the Mondrian Hotel in L.A. last night -- striking pose after pose for photogs -- when she was asked about the struggling Monsters of the Midway.

Chicago Bears linebacker Lance Briggs is a huge animal lover -- and tells TMZ Sports he'd be EXTREMELY PISSED if he found out the abuse allegations about Michael Jackson's chimp Bubbles were true.

As we previously reported, famed monkey specialist Jane Goodall claims Bubbles suffered serious physical abuse on MJ's watch -- though several other people who spent lots of time with the primate say it's total crap.

"If that's true, it's despicable," Briggs said ... "I don't ever want any harm done to animals."

But Lance says he isn't ready to condemn MJ yet -- "Just because [Jane] said he was beaten, doesn't mean it was. If she had proof, it'd be different."

He continues, "I'm a fan of Michael's talent so it doesn't take away from that -- but my outlook of him as a person would change."

The Mission: Boxing legend Bernard Hopkins wanted to take a stab at being a TMZ paparazzi on the streets of NYC today.

The Target: MTV star Kristin Cavallari ... who also happens to be married to Chicago Bears QB Jay Cutler.

The Result: Bernard started off strong ... but things fizzled pretty quickly when it became clear Kristin had no idea who he was.

The Best Part: Bernard's post-shoot analysis ... where he talks about his paparazzi strengths and weaknesses ... and reminds us that Kristin's smokin' hot.

It's the new craze sweeping the Cheesehead-hating anti-Packers universe -- a Graterhead -- and TMZ has learned, it's got "Shark Tank" star Daymond John's fingerprints all over it.

The Graterheads made their big debut during Monday night's game between longtime rivals the Packers and the Bears -- and the Graterhead creator tells us, it's been two years in the making.

CEO & Founder of Graterhead Jeran Dahlquist says he hatched his plan to create the grater-shaped hat back in 2011 -- and Shark Tanker Daymond John has been instrumental in the product's launch.

Daymond's rep says the businessman hasn't made a financial investment yet -- he's still weighing his options -- but he believes in the product, and has been coaching the company during its infant stages.

If the company shapes up like he thinks it will, we're told Daymond will be investing a sizable sum.

Chicago Bears wide receiver Brandon Marshall is taking it one step further with his infamous green shoes -- after disobeying the NFL's direct orders NOT to wear them on the field last night -- TMZ has learned, he's auctioning them off ... for charity.

Brandon announced he'd be wearing the green shoes during last night's game against the Giants -- in honor of Mental Illness Awareness Week -- but the NFL said he'd be fined if he did ... because the shoes violate the League's uniform policy. (The only exception is the pink shoes players are currently wearing to support breast cancer awareness.)

As you can see, Brandon (who was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder in 2011) followed through with his promise ... and said he'd match the NFL's fine with a donation to a breast cancer charity. But he's not stopping there.

We've learned Brandon has now decided to auction off the green cleats, and donate the proceeds to his own foundation, dedicated to helping people cope with mental illnesses like his own. The auction is currently at $2,000.

FYI, if you're wondering how much Marshall could get fined by the NFL -- it could easily exceed $10,000.

Marshall was already fined $10,500 last year for wearing orange cleats -- not for any particular cause -- but since last night's stunt would be a repeat offense, the fine could be larger. It's expected to be handed down next week.

NFL star Major Wright just got into serious heat over his side hustle -- AFRICAN DIAMONDS -- and now he's being chased down by a couple of scary loan sharks.

Here's the short of it ... when he's not playing ball, Wright operates a diamond trading company called TDW Diamonds, and allegedly borrowed $75,000 last year in order to purchase raw South African diamonds (ranging from 21-31.5 carats).

Problem is ... the lenders are saying they still haven't been repaid, and the interest rate is borderline mafia-level.

According to their lawsuit, lenders Jimmy Michel and Marc Geffrard claim Wright promised to repay the loan PLUS 100% interest by March 2012 ... a total of $150,000 ... but that never happened.

It's now been more than a year and Michel and Geffrard say they still haven't been paid. They're suing for the full $150,000 plus even more interest.

P.S. -- the loan sharks are gonna get screwed because under Florida law, if anyone charges more than 18 percent on a loan, they forfeit their right to collect any interest at all. So, by (allegedly) signing a dumb contract, the two footballers may have outsmarted the sharks in the end.