The Kardashians

Scott Disick and Kourtney Kardashian are worlds apart both in proximity and relationship status ... he's slapping ass in Vegas, and she's cuddling her boo at Cannes.

Scott hit up a party bus Saturday night after celebrating his 34th birthday at 1 Oak earlier, and believe it or not ... there was a stripper aboard -- or at least someone acting like one.

The Lord gets in a few good smacks on the chick's ass -- and, boy, are they loud. The music can't even drown 'em out.

All the while about 6,000 miles away ... Kourtney was cozying up to her new man, Younes Bendjima, at the Cannes Film Festival in France. She flew out there a few days ago and joined him since he's from the area. As we reported ... she's officially done with Scott, and wants him to man up and move on.

Looks like he's moving all right.

The man who was arrested trying to get onto Kylie Jenner's property multiple times ... has now confessed to murder.

Anaheim PD says Marvin Magallanes turned himself in and copped to killing a 49-year-old homeless man back in January. Cops say they've also linked him, forensically, to an unsolved murder from October 2016 of another homeless man.

25-year-old Magallanes is the same man who was arrested twice for his attempts to contact Kylie. As we reported ... he drove through the security gate at her exclusive Calabasas neighborhood, The Oaks.

He escaped from a psych ward after one of those arrests.

Kim, Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian had their Cinco de Mayo celebration at a Mexican restaurant that had just reopened after handling a roach problem -- and now the joint's closed again for renovations.

Casa Vega hosted the sisters, Kris Jenner and their pal Jonathan Cheban on May 5 -- 1 day after it reopened following a health department shutdown.

County officials temporarily closed the Sherman Oaks spot on May 2 after reportedly getting a tip about las cucarachas. Casa Vega said 2 of 'em were found in a storage room, but they squashed the issue quickly.

Now Casa Vega's closed again, and this time for a full kitchen remodel. The restaurant says it's adding completely new equipment. Employees were outside Wednesday scrubbing down all the gear.

Khloe just tweeted about the J, sayin, "The funny thing is I don't smoke lol I don't mind if you do. To each their own. I was bringing it to someone else but it is what it is."

If Khloe Kardashian appeared to be smoking weed on Sunday night's episode of "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" ... it's only because she was ... TMZ has learned.

Sources close to production tell us ... yes, that was a joint in her hand as she hugged Scott Disick. We're told producers didn't mind Khloe shooting scenes with it because it was natural -- she was having a good time with the fam in Costa Rica, and sometimes ganja happens.

For the record ... cannabis is decriminalized for personal use in CR.

Translation: Smoke 'em if ya got 'em. And Khloe definitely had 'em. Pura Vida!

Kylie Jenner is living life on the edge in Beverly Hills just for a little while ... but for a lot of cash.

Sources close to Kylie tell TMZ she's renting a mansion in Bev Hills while she gets work done on her $12 mil Hidden Hills home. The new pad rents for $125k/month ... and is currently on the market for $35 million.

The price tag is certainly justified -- the place oozes luxury -- sitting on a cliff, gorgeous views with 5 bedrooms, 7 bathrooms thrown in for good measure. Not to mention the pro chef's kitchen, big screen theater ... and a library with a bar!

The Agency repped both sides of the deal ... and James Harris from The Agency who also appears on "Million Dollar Listing" repped Kylie.

Don't tell Kendall Jenner anything is just like riding a bike, 'cause she's got issues there ... based on this near face-planting wipeout.

The model was decked out in a hot pink coat and cruising along until she tried coming to a stop on the bicycle. Keyword: TRIED.

Instead of using the brakes, looks like she tried to do it 'Flintstones' style ... with her feet. The outcome will add a little joy to your day. Looks like there was a camera guy -- probably for 'KUWTK' -- getting all the action ... hopefully in super slo-mo.

Khloe posted the vid with the caption, "My work here is done."

Ditto.

Kendall Jenner nearly had a seriously awkward moment when she and A$AP Rocky ended up at the same party as her ex, Lakers guard Jordan Clarkson -- except Jordan had the smoothest reaction.

The trio were all at the Peppermint Club in WeHo Saturday night. Remember, Jordan and Kendall were a thing just last fall ... so you could understand him not being too thrilled to see her with her new guy.

But score one for Jordan ... we got him as his car was pulled around, and asked about bumping into Kendall. His reply was basically, "I'm a playa!" And then he piled into his ride with 3 hot chicks!

Meanwhile ... Kendall and A$AP did the sneak out separately thing trying to avoid cameras. Fail.

"Lakers win! Lakers win!!"

Kylie Jenner and Travis Scott aren't just enjoying each other's company or having a casual relationship -- they're the real deal now, as in ... exclusivo.

Sources close to the couple tell us they've been inseparable since Coachella and have decided to do the committed relationship thing. We're told she's been spending a lot of time with him in his hometown of Houston -- including a party after the Rockets' game Thursday night.

In fact, it's serious enough they're not just partying together, but Kylie's actually met his family.

They've been all over the country together -- getting some quality time in Miami ... celebrating Travis' birthday in NYC ... plus L.A and H-town. We're told through it all it's been nothing but good vibes and zero drama. Translation: Honeymoon stage.

Kourtney Kardashian's hammering the final nail in her relationship with Scott Disick -- and the only thing up in the air is how he handles the news.

Our Kourtney source tells us she's done treating Scott like a baby and worrying how he'll react to her every move. We're told she's telling friends -- she cares for and respects the father of her children, but romantically ... it's just over.

We're told Scott's jealousy is the reason she wouldn't post anything on social media about who she's dating. She's aware it's triggered him into drinking and partying binges before.

But she and Younes Bendjima were recently photographed in Bev Hills -- and she believes Scott's friends see her out, and report back to him. As we reported, Scott's off the wagon and friends say he needs rehab. As for him partying with blondies ... we're told it's a front.

Our Kourt sources say she's determined to live life on her terms, and Scott will just have to get onboard.

The Kardashian girls were sisters in arms for a visit to Planned Parenthood to raise awareness.

Kim, Kourtney and Khloe went to the organization's headquarters Thursday in West L.A. to meet with leaders. We're told they discussed PP's health care efforts and how President Trump's administration is impacting them.

Sources close to the sisters tell us their main focus was to find out how they can contribute to the group's cause and work more with them in the future. Their visit was taped for "Keeping Up with the Kardashians."

PP will get its message out on a popular show, while the Kardashians do something that ... let's face it, many will see as controversial. And as Hollywood knows ... controversy frequently equals ratings.

No word on when the episode will air.

Scott Disick's hitting the bottle HARD again and his friends think he's so far gone the only solution is rehab.

Our Scott sources tell us he's been in a downward spiral since learning baby mama Kourtney Kardashian is banging 23-year-old model Younes Bendjima.

Scott's been trying for a long time to resurrect his relationship with Kourtney. As we reported, he feels betrayed because he says she's been dangling a carrot that she'd get back with him if he stopped drinking -- which he did. When he found out about the model, he lost it. Scott hit up TAO on Cinco de Mayo and he was at The Peppermint Club Monday night.

On the surface it seems Scott's just fine ... because he's been hooking up with 19-year-old Ella Ross, but his friends say it's just a get-back relationship ... getting back at Kourtney.

We're told his house has been a non-stop, alcohol-fueled party for weeks ... a party he sometime takes to the clubs.

We broke the story, Scott is starring in a home-flipping pilot executive produced by Kris Jenner. As for how his drinking mixes with shooting a show, his friends say he's been doing that for years.

Kendall Jenner, Hailey Baldwin, Bella Hadid and a bunch of their model friends are all into sharing ... jet skis in their bikinis ... but you won't be able to find them.

Kendall and the gang posted a ton of hot pics Tuesday of themselves on a tropical beach, where they're having loads of fun showering on a boat ... and getting cozy aboard a couple jet skis.

Travis Scott must prefer blondes, 'cause Kylie Jenner went back to her platinum look to party with her BF ... on a boat!

The couple arrived by yacht, naturally, for a dinner party at Miami's River Yacht Club. They got cozy on the deck while friends -- and some big bodyguards -- milled around.

The romantic night out was pricey ... they dined with Miami nightlife mogul David Grutman. We don't know who picked up the tab, but it was $2,000 ... and much of that was shots of Don Julio.

Definite recipe for a rough ride home ... on a boat, anyway.

Kim Kardashian spent some quality mother/daughter time with North on Saturday -- taking her kid to one of the hottest celebrity-packed bowling alleys in L.A. ... without Kanye.

The two hit up Pinz in Studio City -- the same place Shia LaBeouf exploded on a bartender back in April in a crazy expletive-laden rant.

It's also the same place where Chris Brown once threatened a valet ... Justin Timberlake once took Cameron Diaz on a date ... and where Ray J threw a bachelor party for the "Hollywood Hillbilly" guy.

Scott Disick feels betrayed by Kourtney Kardashian whom he claims held out hope they could get back together at the same time she was banging a 23-year-old model.

Our Scott sources say he's devastated by the pics that came out this week of his 37-year-old baby mama with Younes Bendjima, whom she's been with since October.

From Scott's point of view, Kourtney has dangled a carrot in front of Scott, that she'd be open to getting back together if he got sober and "show respect." He says he hasn't hit the bottle in months and believes he's been extremely good to her.

So, you ask, how can Scott seriously think she'd get back with him if he's been with at least 3 women over the last 6 months? The way Scott sees it ... it was "retaliation" after Kourtney hooked up with other guys.

He also thinks it's been super unfair that when he missteps, the entire Kardashian family comes down on him like a ton of bricks, but when she crosses the line, everyone in her fam gives her a pass.

All that said, Scott wants back with Kourtney, but she's got other things on her mind and various other body parts.

Kris Jenner has obtained a court order to keep a former security guard away from her, after he was busted trying to contact her at her home ... for the 3rd time.

Kris' attorney, Shawn Holley, filed a request for a restraining order Wednesday, detailing Joshua Jacobs' latest attempt, on May 1, to get face-to-face with the Kardashian matriarch. In the docs, Kris says Jacobs... "crashed his vehicle through the gate to our community, came on to my property looking for me at around 1:00 AM."

Jacobs was actually kneeling down in front of the security keypad on her house, and pressing keys when Kris' personal security spotted him. He was charged with felony stalking, and arraigned Wednesday.

According to docs, Jacobs made the same mad dash for Jenner's house 2 weeks earlier, and also showed up in March ... with his grandmother in his car.