Today in TMZ History

Bam tells TMZ ... he was at the SXSW festival late Thursday night, walking through a crowd of a bunch of drunks, "when someone said something rude to me, so I began making fun of a big girl in the group." Bam said, "I called her a sea otter and asked her why she's in Texas. She should be in Alaska laying on an iceberg because she's a beached whale."

Bam says the woman's friend punched him in the face and the two began fighting. Bam fell to the ground and the woman then delivered the knockout blow. Bam was out for 7 minutes.

As we previously reported, Mel rolled over to the El Segundo Police Department last night to have his picture and thumb prints taken ... after the actor pled no contest to simple battery last week.

The charge stems from an alleged standoff between Mel and his baby mama Oksana Grigorieva back in January 2010.

As we previously reported, Mel was sentenced to 16 hours of community service and 52 weeks of counseling ... along with 36 months of informal probation.

Sources connected to Vanessa tell TMZ the photos were taken from the same batch that were released several years ago featuring the actress ... fully nude.

As TMZ previously reported, Vanessa sued the owners of a website back in 2009 for posting the first round of nude pics. The lawsuit stated that the photos were obtained by "unknown methods" and posted without Hudgens' "knowledge or consent."

Sources tell us ... Vanessa believes whoever is doing this "has it out for her" because the release of these photos in dribs and drabs coincides with her movie releases.

Vanessa's new movie "Sucker Punch" is coming out later this month.

Gilbert went to his Twitter page over the past 24 hours and dropped TWELVE tsunami-inspired jokes ... including:

The misdemeanor specifically targets someone who either cohabits or has a child with the alleged victim.

TMZ broke the story, Mel will plead no contest today to the charge and will not receive jail time ... but will undergo continued counseling.

The no contest plea is not an admission of guilt.

Their attorneys tell TMZ, "Brooke and Charlie have reached an agreement that resolves their differences. For the benefit of the children, the terms of their agreement will not be disclosed. They ask the public for privacy on this matter."

As TMZ first reported, Charlie and Brooke also struck a deal a week ago ... but she backed out when Charlie tweeted about the agreement.

Ever since then they've been in heated negotiations ... and a showdown was scheduled for court Friday morning -- but we're told that's now canceled.

Huckabee went on a radio show Monday and said, "One of the most troubling things is that people see a Natalie Portman or some other Hollywood starlet that boasts of, hey look, we're having children, we're not married, but we're having children and they're doing just fine."

Portman is engaged to her baby daddy -- co-star Benjamin Millepied.

Huckabee -- a Republican who could make a run for the White House -- added, "There aren't really a lot of single moms out there that are making millions of dollars each year by being in a movie"

"I think it gives a distorted image that not everybody hires nannies and caretakers and nurses. Most single moms are very poor, uneducated, can't get a job, and if it weren't for government assistance, their kids would be starving to death and would not get healthcare."

Cops say ... Aguilera was a passenger in a car driven by Matthew Rutler when officers noticed he was driving erratically around 2:45 AM ... so they pulled the vehicle over.

Officers determined Rutler was drunk and arrested him for misdemeanor DUI.

Cops say the deputies determined Aguilera was also "extremely intoxicated" ... and since she was unable to care for herself, Aguilera was taken into custody.

Aguilera was booked for public intoxication -- and according to the booking sheet, she was listed at 5'2" and 100 lbs.

According to the L.A. County Sheriff's Department, Rutler's bail was set at $5,000.

However, the source adds, "If the driver had NOT been arrested for DUI, [Christina] would have never been in trouble."

The Biebs underwent a little snip-snip today while on the set of a music video for a song he did with Rascal Flatts -- that's Gary from the group (above) having a little fun with the scissors. (Ed.'s note: Kids, don't play with scissors)

On TMZ Live today, Justin said the actual cutting was done by his regular hairdresser Vanessa. He said he was a little nervous about the cut, but he "wanted to change it up" and he thought the cut was "kind of a mature look."

They grow up so fast.

Fortunately, Bieb's hair was undamaged in the shooting.

Sources inside the Belvedere Red party say Jamie was in an exclusive lounge area near the stage at Avalon -- and that the pushing and shoving started just as Usher was hitting the stage.

We're told the fight started when someone took a pot shot at Jamie ... who defended himself and actually got a punch in too before security guards broke up the scrum.

Jamie was quiet and surrounded by huge security guards as he walked to his car after the show (see video above).

Cops were not called and Jamie was not hurt.

Our photog spotted Damien Dante Wayans, nephew to Damon and Keenan Ivory, after the show. He told us he saw the fight inside and described it as "a little altercation ... between two friends."

In documents filed in L.A. County Superior Court, Simpson cites "irreconcilable differences" as the reason for the divorce.

She's asking for joint legal custody and primary physical custody of two-year-old Bronx.

Simpson, who is repped by disso queen Laura Wasser, is also asking for spousal and child support. Wentz is repped by Stacy Phillips.

Sources tell TMZ there is no prenup. The couple married in May, 2008.

The couple just released a joint statement, saying, "After careful consideration, we have made the difficult decision to file for divorce.

We remain friends and deeply committed and loving parents to our son Bronx, whose happiness and well-being remains our number one priority. We ask that everyone honor our privacy as we navigate this next phase of our lives."

Sources involved in the bender tell us ... Sheen broke out his checkbook during a conversation with a porn star Wednesday in which he asked her to join the "porn family" he wants to create.

We're told Sheen -- in a showing of good faith -- wrote a $30,000 check made out to "cash" and told the porn star to take it to the bank ... and the money was hers.

Obviously, the porn star darted for her car -- and when she got to the bank, the teller called Charlie AND one of Sheen's business associates to verify the transaction. Luckily for the porn star, it cleared.

"Two and a Half Men" producers released a statement saying, "Due to Charlie Sheen’s decision to enter a rehabilitation center, CBS, Warner Bros. Television and executive producer Chuck Lorre are placing “Two and a Half Men” on production hiatus."

The statement continues, "We are profoundly concerned for his health and well-being, and support his decision."

Sheen's publicist tells us, "He is most grateful to all who have expressed their concern."

We're told Sheen had several people inside his home during the 36-hour span that started Tuesday night -- including 2 porn stars, a business associate, and several other women.

After hours of drinking, we're told a person showed up to the house with a designer "briefcase" -- that contained multiple "bricks" of cocaine.

We're told Sheen immediately began doing the drug for several hours.

Sheen was eventually hospitalized early Thursday morning for "severe abdominal pain."

The footage shows Buffett casually strolling towards the front of the stage when he clearly misjudges the end ... and literally steps off the edge.

Moments after Buffett hit the ground, security rushed to the singer's aid.

As we first reported, Jimmy appeared to be knocked unconscious for 10-15 minutes after the fall -- and suffered a nasty gash on his head. Jimmy was taken to St. Vincent's Hospital in Sydney and is in stable condition.