Weird News

Rock legend Pat Smear -- who played guitar for Nirvana and the Foo Fighters -- has a huge penis ... this according to an expert on the matter, his wife.

Pat and his wife were leaving Craig's in Hollywood the other night when we started talking about things like rock stars and devil worshiping (the usual).

During the convo, Pat's friend Bill Carroll (radio guy) made a joke about Pat having a tiny instrument ... and that's when Mrs. Smear chimed in and gave us the 411 on Pat's ginormous pud.

It's possiby the greatest Fat-on-Fat takedown of all time -- an XXXXL SUPLEX at the U.S. Sumo Open in L.A. this weekend ... and it was all caught on tape.

The Slammer -- Byambajav "Byamba" Ulambayar
6'1", 346 lbs ... and the reigning U.S. Sumo Open champ

The Slammee -- Kelly "Big Tree" Gneiting
6'0", 420 lbs ... and pink diaper enthusiast

The two clashed in the sumo circle on Sunday ... and the slam was so ferocious, some spectators say they could feel the fat shock wave ripple through the stadium.

Sumo Fun Fact -- Byamba, of Mongolian decent, is 59-1 in his sumo wrestling career.

The one loss? Unclear. Probably some other fat bastard ...

The President of the United States just got a scolding ... from the President of the United States -- after he botched a golf shot ... and TMZ has the footage.

The video was taken on August 17 when Barack Obama was playing a round at the Vineyard Golf Club on Martha's Vineyard.

After B.O. sliced his shot, you can hear him yell something that sounds like, "C'MON BARACK ... not THAT far left."

He immediately assumed his golfing position and tried to recreate his swing in what appears to be an effort to diagnose the problem.

The footage was shot a considerable distance away from Barack and his 4-some ... probably due to the scary guys with earpieces and guns.

Britney Spears got off to a shaky start for her Las Vegas debut -- she got sick on the chopper ride for her big announcement.

Britney didn't say if "sick" meant hurled ... but it's a reasonable conclusion. She wore gigantic sunglasses in the dark night as "GMA's" Sam Champion tried to get her animated.

So here's the lowdown ... Brit opens Dec 27 at Planet Hollywood. TMZ broke the story ... she'll be pulling in nearly $15 mil for 48 concerts a year and it's a 2-year deal.

Ticket prices are pretty reasonable -- $59 - $179.

Now this is interesting ... Champion asked her about possibly living in Vegas and Brit was sketchy. Our sources (and obviously they're good) tell us ... Brit will "absolutely not" be living in Vegas. She has no plans to get a house there. "It's strictly in and out," said one source involved in the concert ... partly because she doesn't want to disrupt the kids during their school year.

We're told Planet Hollywood will make a gigantic suite available on the 52 floor. There are several of these mega-suites available on the 51 and 52 floors ... People at the hotel call it the 5152, which is interesting. Brit knows something about that ... minus 2.

David Tutera should NOT split up his twin babies -- so says one identical celebrity sibling who tells TMZ if the reality star doesn't come up with a better plan, both of the infants' lives will be ruined.

TMZ spoke with Carlos Ramirez -- the twin brother of Efren Ramirez, who played Pedro in "Napoleon Dynamite." CR tells us if David and his ex Ryan Jurica separate the kids, he believes it could cause a major "identity crisis" later in life.

"Splitting twins is a death in itself," he adds. "Twins grow together emotionally and to not let them connect like that will be damaging."

Then again, Carlos' relationship with his twin hasn't exactly been perfect either -- in fact, Efren threatened him with a $10 million lawsuit back in '08 for impersonating him ... and they haven't spoken in years.

Scott Disick hates poor people.

He also hates the middle class ... and also the barely rich.

In fact, Scott hates all un-super rich people so much ... he posted a bunch of photos this weekend in what appeared to be a blitzkreig to mock them ... starting with the wads of $100 bills he uses to wipe his ass.

He posted pics of diamond jewelry, expensive watches and wads of cash ... along with captions like, "Hello, peasant's is that u?" He included the hash tag, "f**ku."

Sure it's tasteless. Sure it's crass ... but it's also kind of awesome.

So, we gotta ask ...

Beyonce may be loved a little too much in Brazil ... a crazed fan pulled her off the stage during a concert Sunday night.

Miss Z was singing "Irreplaceable" when she started glad-handing people in the audience ... one dude got way too carried away.

It's like she took a college course in concert recovery ... Beyonce got back on her feet and killed it. She even told the dude who almost jacked her concert, "Nice to meet you ... I love you, too."

We're impressed.

Premier League soccer star Ashley Cole learned a valuable lesson at a Missouri bar -- possibly drunk American chicks don't give a crap about English soccer stars ... and TMZ has video of the epic ass-chewing she gave him.

It all went down when Cole's team, Chelsea FC, was in St. Louis for a match against Manchester City back in May. Ashley and a few teammates hit up a bar called Hair of the Dog. Witnesses tell us there was a small dispute with the bartender over how much the players tipped, but they left without incident.

But outside the bar things got heated when a woman offered the footballers a ride to their hotel -- and Cole refused to go ... thereby igniting the most vicious U.S.-British exchange since 1776.

Highlights from the angry American:

-- "My people don't give two s**ts about you."

-- "They (Cole and co.) don't even know how to tip!"

-- "I hope this stupid ass gets robbed, gets beat, gets raped right here on the motherf**king sidewalk!"

She had much more to say -- and to their credit Cole and his mates kept relatively calm ... but you have to see the rant to do it justice.

DMX has no problem flashing his massive donger in public -- telling TMZ his naked streak through a Detroit hotel was his way of showing off his pride ... in his penis.

X was at LAX last night when he explained why in the world he went balls (and more) out -- and it wasn't just a dare.

In case you missed it ... DMX was caught on surveillance footage last week flashing his naughty bits to a hotel employee while his friends watched on.

Diddy lost a MILLION DOLLARS shooting dice early this morning -- and the best part ... he didn't give two craps about it.

The frustrating video from Diddy's dice game was posted on Instagram a few hours ago -- where the rapper bragged about the loss being no sweat and added, "Suck My D**k B*tch."

Not surprisingly, the video irked many of his followers ... with one saying, "Such a blessing to have that much money. Imma keep my fingers cross and pray for a blessing that big to get me and my family off the streets."

Mo money, NO problems ... for Diddy.

Steve Aoki insists he wasn't BS'ing when he posted a photo of himself floating magically above his private jet on Friday ... and he just called in to TMZ Live to prove it.

We saw the photo this morning on Instagram and immediately thought it had to be Photoshopped ... but Aoki said no way, explaining he does similar "Aoki jumps" all around the world.

According to Aoki, it was the pilot's last flight of the day, so the guy didn't mind having a little fun with the plane. We still weren't convinced, so Aoki just posted video proof on Twitter.

Oh yeah, and remember the insane cake toss that creamed the kid in a wheelchair last month? Steve says he INTENDED to hit the guy. You gotta hear all about it.

David Tutera -- the host of "My Fair Wedding" -- followed the biblical path in his split with Ryan Jurica -- he gets one of their twins, and Ryan gets one.

The two men had a 10-year domestic partnership that blew apart in January ... and it got UGLY. And there was a big complication -- they had fraternal twins through a surrogate in July, and that triggered a bitter custody battle.

Now here's the complication. Each man fertilized an egg that was then implanted in the same surrogate, who gave birth to the two babies at the same time. It appears the eggs are from the same biological mother.

Sources familiar with the situation tell TMZ ... a judge has issued a temporary custody arrangement in which David gets custody of his biological child, baby girl Cielo, and Ryan gets custody of his biological child, Cedric.

We're also told the two men are getting along. It's unclear if they will each get visitation rights of each other's kid. So we gotta ask ...

FYI, Tutera had a chance to explain himself on "The View" this morning. Check the clip.

**GRAPHIC LANGUAGE**

Another EPIC rant from Kanye West!!!!

This time, he's bitchin' about the evilness of corporations, how he hates sellouts and why people who put "numbers" on the back of their shirts are crappy designers.

IT'S AWESOME!!!

Kanye was at a listening party for his pal Pusha T in Manhattan last night, when he grabbed the mic and went off -- admitting he'd been hittin' the Grey Goose pretty hard earlier in the night.

Nobody was harmed in the making of this video ... but he did take some time to brag about himself:

"We make good music, we make good music. We don’t give a F*CK about how much god damn money you make, we make good music!"

"2 Broke Girls" star Beth Behrs was viciously attacked by her neighbor's dog Wednesday ... so say people in her L.A. building ... and the actress even called Animal Control to handle the situation.

Luckily, Behrs wasn't injured in the attack ... but we're told the neighbor's pit bull mix did bite off a chunk of her sweater.

Here's what happened ... building sources tell us, Behrs was with her Yorkie Betty when a neighbor approached while walking a large brown lab and a pit bull mix. It's unclear why, but we're told the pit reared up and attacked Behrs, tearing a chunk off her sweater.

We're told Behrs was extremely upset by the attack and immediately called Animal Control, which eventually responded to the scene. Sources say the neighbor was fined as a result of the incident, and has been instructed to keep the dogs under better control.

Thankfully, no one was hurt, including the dogs. Ruff day.

Ashley Tisdale's obsessed fan just pled no contest to felony stalking -- and will serve no further jail time ... though he'll still have to stay the hell away from Ashley for a long time.

Nicholas Fiore was arrested back in June for violating the restraining order she got against him -- after claiming Fiore threatened to shoot her, and bombarded her with more than 18,000 tweets.

The judge gave Fiore credit for jail time served, one year of outpatient counseling, 5 years probation ... and $350 in fines and fees.

A criminal protective order -- requiring Fiore to stay 100 yards away from Tisdale -- will remain in effect for the next 5 years.

Gia Allemand's mother believes her daughter's menstrual cycle was responsible for the extreme emotional turmoil that drove Gia to suicide last month.

Donna Micheletti -- who was on the phone with the former "Bachelor" star when she hanged herself -- described her final moments with her daughter to Dr. Phil, explaining Gia had a history of drastic mood swings around the time of her period.

Donna said, "At that point, with how she felt with her menstrual cycle, she could not see clearly ... It was like night and day. It would come out of nowhere. All of a sudden, something would click in there and she would say 'This isn't right. He doesn't love me.'"

Donna acknowledged that Gia had been upset for various reasons -- including recent fights with her boyfriend and father -- but believes the hormonal extremes are what ultimately drove Gia over the edge.