Weird News

It takes a lot to get Leonardo DiCaprio turned on ... so says the actress who had the enviable task of giving Leo a lap dance in "The Wolf of Wall Street" ... but failed to get a rise out of him.

Tracie Jayne -- who was cast as a stripper in the movie -- says she threw herself into her work ... grabbing DiCaprio by the hair ... licking his neck ... and biting his ear -- but wasn't able to arouse little Leo.

"Maybe he was wearing Spanx or he taped it down or ... thought about his dead grandmother," she joked.

Jayne -- who's actually a standup comic by profession -- insists Leo still had a good time ... telling her to "go for it."

You gotta hear her tell it.

Reinstated "Duck Dynasty" star Phil Robertson thinks guys should marry 15 or 16-year-old girls because when they get any older they become gold diggers.

Another video of Phil's preachin' has surfaced ... and in this one he implores his followers to marry young girls because "They'll pick [clean] your ducks." He goes on with a cautionary message: "You wait till they get to be 20 years old ... the only pickin' that's gonna take place is your pocket."

So we gotta ask ...

Hours after retaining his championship belt and possibly ending Anderson Silva's career ... UFC Middleweight champ Chris Weidman continued his campaign of destruction -- by decimating a double bacon cheeseburger.

Weidman partied at Surrender nightclub -- washing down his burger with a cold Miller Lite.

UFC's other big winner Ronda Rousey also feasted in celebration ... she went with family and friends to Wolfgang Puck's restaurant at the MGM for her usual post fight chicken wings.

America!

Britney Spears' dad learned a lesson in swag ... you gush over a product and the company that makes it will probably send you free stuff ... which brings us to duct tape.

During the "I Am Britney Jean" special Jamie Spears couldn't stop talking about his obsession with duct tape.

Now enter a company that manufactures "Duck" tape ... someone heard Jamie and the company sent him 1500 yards of the sticky stuff ... enough to span 15 football fields. Yeah, we know our sports.

The company sent various colors, including classic grey.

After the special, Britney tweeted bout her dad's infatuation saying she's gonna buy him a ton for Xmas.

Jwoww isn't just gonna squeeze out a kid in July, she's also gonna push out a big ol' steaming dump ... so says her "Jersey Shore" BFF Snooki.

Jwoww made the baby announcement on Christmas Day ... and hours later, Snooki (who already has a kid) posted a screen grab of a recent text convo they had, in which Snooks eloquently describes the miracle of child birth.

As for JWoww -- real name Jenny Farley -- she posted a picture of her growing fetus on Instagram ... along with a note from herself and fiance/baby daddy Roger.

Forget "A Christmas Story," "Miracle on 34th St.," and "It's a Wonderful Life" ... the best holiday movie to snuggle up to with the family on Christmas day is ... "The Deer Hunter!"

At least that's what John Savage says ... he's one of the stars of the film -- you know, the one who loses his frickin' legs in that underwater rat cage in the Viet Kong prison camp.

John was soaking in the sunshine on a warm Christmas Eve in Malibu ... and told us his old flick is the perfect movie to throw on in the background while your kids open up their presents under the tree.

Check out the clip ... we're pretty sure he's being serious.

Just be careful if you bought your little ones the new Russian Roulette playset for Xmas ... you can shoot your eye out with that thing!!!

ATTENTION RESIDENTS OF BEVERLY HILLS -- THERE IS A SWAN RUNNING LOOSE IN YOUR COMMUNITY ... and Lisa Vanderpump really, reallllly wants it back!!!

The "Real Housewives" star just took to Twitter to put out an APB on a baby bird that just went missing from her Bev Hills mansion.

"I know it's what some people may call 'a high class problem' however,1 of my baby swans took off yesterday."

"If anyone in Bh sees errant swan Please bring him back! He is only a few months old didn't think he could fly yet Bring him back ..!!"

She included a picture of her swans -- though it's unclear which one is MIA ... since they're frickin' swans and they look exactly the same.

It's not the first time Lisa's had to deal with a missing luxury item -- back in 2010, her Bentley was stolen from her driveway ... but Lisa was more concerned about the contents in the back.

"They can have the frickin' car, but can I have my dry cleaning in the trunk, please?"

The car was eventually recovered at the bottom of a cliff ... right near a car that had been stolen from Charlie Sheen's home.

Miley Cyrus is giving her ass cheeks a rest ... at least on the dance floor ... where she's traded out her twerking-obsession for a NEW lame white person dance ... and TMZ has the footage!!!

The 21-year-old was gettin' down at LIV nightclub in Miami on Friday when she unleashed the new move -- which involves gyrating and invisible hair washing.

No word on what Miley calls her new move, but we've come up with a few suggestions ...

1) Dude, Where's My Hair?

2) Weave Can't Stop

3) The Dinglehopper Stroke ("Little Mermaid" reference, look it up)

Got a better one?

Every man lives, but not every man tries to hire a hitman to knock off his ex-wife ... but according to cops, some dumbass named William Wallace did exactly that.

The Orange County District Attorney says the 33-year-old was more upset with his ex-wife over a child support battle than Braveheart was with Longshanks after that whole taking over Scotland thing.

Officials say Wallace tried to a hire a hitman to off his ex for $30k ... except the assassin was really an undercover cop who busted Wallace.

Now, the guy is facing life in prison for attempted murder and solicitation to commit murder.

IT'S OFFICIAL: Tila Tequila has multiple personalities ... at least in her brand new sex tape ... and in this clip, you'll meet Ashley, Tila's English speaking ass-flashing alter ego.

As we reported, Vivid Entertainment will be releasing a hardcore sex tape before Christmas starring Tila and an unidentified male co-star, shagging like rabbits.

The clip contains your typical sex tape nudity -- don't worry, we blacked it out -- but the interesting part isn't Tila's ass ... it's her impressive attempt at an English accent.

French Montana has added to his menagerie of exotic animals, with a gift that has a tendency to throw feces at you.

We got video of French and his new little friend ... an adorable baby monkey named Julius Caesar.

The monkey was a surprise gift from producer Mally Mall ... who presented the banana enthusiast to Montana on board his private jet.

We're told French has been bottle feeding JC ... and even slept with him last night.

FM is no stranger to wildlife. Earlier this year, he posted a picture of him holding two tiger cubs, with this caption: "Got so high last night bought 2 baby tigers."

Ke$ha tells TMZ ... there's one quality a man HAS to possess if he wants a shot at banging her -- he's got to be a "little bit of a c**t."

Ke$ha -- dressed like a 26-year-old Emperor Palpatine -- was rolling through LAX yesterday when our camera guy (a big fan of her reality show) asked why she's not drawn to nice guys.

The New Jersey high school kid who turned his disability into a hilarious "Zombie Prank" Vine account says he's one giant step closer to his dream -- starring on "The Walking Dead" -- but he's waiting on one important phone call.

17-year-old Nick Santonastasso -- who was born with only one arm and no legs -- Skyped in to "TMZ Live," telling us there's a petition gaining a LOT of momentum online, begging "Walking Dead" producers to get Nick on the show.

The petition has more than 1,500 signatures ... nonetheless Nick says he hasn't gotten a phone call from showrunners to make it all official. But he's optimistic.

For all his followers, however, Nick's still taking a lot of heat from people who say he's reducing his disability to an object of mockery ... check the clip to hear his thoughts. Pretty profound.

Kanye West is painfully aware Kanye has a gigantic ego, but claims it's not because Kanye is into himself ... it's all for his fans. What a giver.

Ye went on a rant over the weekend in Anaheim, telling fans the media has him all wrong when they say he acts out because he wants to look "doper."

The ever-humble fiance of Kim Kardashian added, he doesn't "give a f**k about looking cool" or being dope ... because he's been dope "since age motherf**king 5."

Macaulay Culkin's new pizza-inspired band made their concert debut last night in New York ... and the former child actor busted out a sweet kazoo solo during the 8-minute set.

Culkin's band The Pizza Underground -- who play Velvet Underground parodies with pizza-themed song titles and lyrics -- played an 8-minute set Friday night ... and fans waited around the block to get in.

Macaulay's sweet solo went down during the bands song "Take a Bite of the Wild Slice" (3:40 in the video) ... and then the group handed out pizza afterward to make up for the short gig.