You Might Want to Rethink

If you thought the Academy Awards were dragging on and on ... you're not alone ... even Oscar nominee Amy Adams got caught checking her phone during the show.

To be fair, Amy could have been staring at her crotch -- but we're gonna go out on a limb and say she was more than likely texting some other famous person about how the show is putting her to sleep.

We're guessing she's not the only one.

Former Tiger Woods mistress Joslyn James is such a terrible mother, she's made a government "Most Wanted" list for bailing on nearly $20k in back child support ... TMZ Sports has learned.

Years before she banged Tiger, Joslyn -- real name Veronica T. Siwik -- gave birth to a son (now 14) ... and since she was the breadwinner in the relationship, she was ordered to pay child support to the dad.

But instead of paying up, Joslyn (a professional porn star) did what she does best ... screwed everyone ... and according to the Washington State Division of Child Support, she owes $18,419.86 in unpaid support.

James even made the division's "Most Wanted" list ... meaning she's in the top 100 of the state's 370,000+ child support cases. What an accomplishment!!!

A spokesman for DCS tells us the list is "the worst of the worst. It signifies you've made no effort. If you're currently making any payments, you're not on the list."

We reached out to Joslyn for comment -- and a rep told us the state must be mistaken -- "It's unfounded."

Joslyn's rep adds, "She loves her child. She's a doting mother."

Sure she is.

Simon Cowell is drawing a line in the sand ... paparazzi who want a piece of him will have to answer to his bitches.

Cowell's Yorkies -- Squiddly and Diddly -- aren't taking crap from the photogs who got their owner in trouble earlier in the week for allowing them on the beach in Miami. Cops gave Simon a warning ... one which he clearly didn't heed.

Oscar nominee Julie Delpy has some pretty HUGE BALLS for a chick ... because the screenwriter just spanked the Academy hard -- saying it's just a bunch of crusty white dudes who take BRIBES for votes.

Delpy -- who's nominated for Best Adapted Screenplay for "Before Midnight" with Ethan Hawke -- told So Film magazine via the Independent the awards are meaningless because voters are, "90% white men over 70 who need money."

"They haven't done anything in a long time," Delpy continued ... "You just need to give them two or three presents and they're in your pocket. It doesn't mean anything to me."

The actress also roasted the Weinstein brothers claiming they killed the independent movie scene ... and then dissed her own flicks, saying, "Every time I've become a part of the Hollywood mainstream, it's been crap! Let's be honest: 90% of movies made in Hollywood are crap."

"Dog Whisperer" Cesar Millan says Simon Cowell's dog got WAY too close to his baby on the beach this week -- and he better get his bitch in line ... or the baby could be in danger.

We posted the pics Monday of Simon on the beach in Miami with his newborn son and two Yorkies -- and one photo shows a dog sniffing the baby's face.

Cesar called in to "TMZ Live" today to explain why it's a TERRIBLE idea to let your dog get so close to a baby ... and it's pretty shocking. Take a listen.

2:55 PM PT -- George just gave us the greatest statement ever ... “Tied one on last night. Not feeling great this morning. I was trying to sleep it off, unfortunately, it was on the casino floor.”

George Lopez had one too many last night at a Canada casino -- law enforcement tells TMZ, the comedian was arrested for public intoxication after passing out on the casino floor.

Law enforcement sources tell us Caesars Windsor security alerted police to the Lopez situation -- presumably after they found him on the floor -- and officers subsequently arrested him
inside the casino bar at Caesars Windsor.

No charges are being filed against Lopez -- we're told he was pretty much dumped in a drunk tank to let him sober up.

Lopez had performed at the casino just prior to his arrest and is scheduled to perform again tonight.

Lopez has been released and we're told he will perform tonight.

Wow.  Kim Kardashian wasn't BSing when she said some dude at the Vienna Opera Ball said he wanted to dance to "N****rs in Vienna."

TMZ broke the story ... Kim went insane when the dude dropped the N bomb -- with an "R."  She stormed out of the ball ... a function for which she was paid $500K by some rich Austrian guy.

The guy apparently thought he was being funny, but you clearly see Kim is not amused.

The weirdo who came up to Kim Kardashian in blackface at the Vienna Opera Ball -- pretending to be Kanye West -- now claims the entire encounter was a misunderstanding ... insisting he's NOT a racist ... and didn't mean to offend her.

Chris Stephan -- a stand-up comedian in Austria -- just posted the apology on his Facebook, saying he's "incredibly sorry" things unfolded the way they did. He says he's of Arab descent himself, and never intended to be racist.

As we reported, Kim stormed out of the fancy pants ball yesterday after Stephan came up to her in black face make-up, acting like Kanye.

Kim was paid $500,000 to be the guest of Austrian businessman Richard Lugner at the event. Lugner later said Kim was a crappy date.

Jacksonville Jaguars star Marcedes Lewis says the NFL's proposed n-word ban is a BAD IDEA ... telling TMZ Sports, "These games are intense, sometimes things come out."

The league acknowledges that it's discussed enacting a rule that would penalize any player caught using the word on the field ... and Lewis says at first, he was into the idea.

Kim Kardashian stormed out of the hoity-toity Vienna Ball after some white dude working the event came up to her in black face, pretending to be Kanye West!

Kim was paid $500K to be the guest of Richard Lugner, an Austrian businessman who has a long history of paying starlets half-a-mil to be his arm candy at the Vienna Annual Opera Ball.

Lugner just did an interview trashing Kim for not sticking to the program, saying, "Kim is annoying me."

But we're told she was taking pics with Lugner when a guy who was working the ball came up to her ... IN BLACK FACE acting like he was Kanye. She walked away from the guy, but had to stay another hour and a half.

The final straw. A short time later a guy came up to Kim and asked her to dance. She said she wasn't a good dancer, and then the guy responded, he would dance with her if the orchestra played "N****rs in Vienna."

Kim is saying there were other problems. She told her people Lugner was aggressive, at times grabbing her and imploring her to lose her security. She said Lugner was trying to be alone with her.

McDonalds has made a new golden arch enemy -- a California man is suing the company for $1.5 MILLION ... because he says he only got ONE NAPKIN with his meal.

Webster Lucas claims he was stiffed on napkins at the Mickey D's in Pacoima, CA on January 29th -- after ordering a Quarter Pounder Deluxe -- and when he went up to the counter to ask for more, he was rudely rebuffed by the manager ... who insisted he already got some.

According to his lawsuit, Lucas -- who is black -- then retorted, "I should have went to eat at the Jack-in-the-Box because I didn't come here to argue over napkins. I came here to eat."

That's when Lucas says things got racist -- claiming the manager (a Mexican-American) mumbled something about "you people."

Lucas subsequently emailed the general manager to complain -- insisting he couldn't work because of the "undue mental anguish" he was suffering as a result of the napkin debacle -- and says he was insultingly offered free burgers in return.

NEVER APPROACH KANYE WEST WITH A PEN -- especially if he's wearing a fancy sweater -- because after Yeezy's reaction in Paris this evening, you might as well be waving a knife in his face.

Kanye was leaving dinner moments ago when an autograph seeker asked the rapper for some love -- holding out a pen ... and a sneaker to sign.

The pen came within inches of Kanye's pristine white sweater -- and Yeezy nearly lost it.

Ex-WWE superstar Big Daddy V's body was cremated earlier this week ... and his widow has slightly eerie plans for the ashes ... TMZ has learned.

Cassandra Frazier tells TMZ ... the ashes of her husband Viscera -- a.k.a. Nelson Frazier Jr. -- will be put into 500 pendants and placed on necklaces, and then she's going to gift them to his loved ones.

Cassandra says for now she's storing BDV's ashes in an urn at home until their she's ready to hand out the keepsakes.

Justin Bieber is going harder than ever on sizzurp and weed since living in Atlanta ... multiple friends involved in his life tell TMZ.

TMZ broke the story ... Justin has had an alarming problem with sizzurp for well over a year, and he's been a big fan of weed for a long time. But since moving to Atlanta, we're told he's "constantly high" ... rarely leaving the house. As one source said, "Drinking more lean, smoking more weed than ever."

When Justin lived in L.A. he had a schedule set up by people connected to his business. Since moving to Atlanta, he has no schedule and no rules.

Some of the people in Bieber's life that have confronted him about his drug use have been pushed away since Bieber made his move. And we're told -- one by one -- Bieber is removing people he says have "ratted" him out over his drug use.

Justin does spend a fair amount of time in the studio in Atlanta ... working on hip hop ... but we're told rarely is he sober during those sessions. And the thing is ... that's part of the rap game.

Richie Incognito SMASHED HIS OWN FERRARI with a baseball bat ... at least, that's what he told police this morning ... TMZ Sports has learned.

We broke the story ... neighbor's noticed someone had taken a bat to the front of the Richie's black Ferrari in front of his home in AZ yesterday.

Now, the Scottsdale Police Department tells us ... they spoke with Richie early this morning and he admitted he took the bat to his own car.

Clearly, Incognito was pissed about something ... but we don't know what set him off.

We reached out to Richie's people for comment -- so far, no word back.

The victim in the Aaron Hernandez jail fight was in HANDCUFFS at the time of the attack ... and therefore couldn't defend himself ... sources extremely familiar with the situation tell TMZ Sports.

Our sources tell us ... Aaron was NOT wearing handcuffs when he was allowed to go for an isolated walk in a hallway at Bristol County Jail on Tuesday ... but the other inmate he encountered WAS in 'cuffs.

As we first reported, the other inmate had been talking smack to Hernandez ... and Aaron had been upset. When they got into the hallway, Aaron attacked ... and we're told he beat the crap out of the guy.

Our sources say ... since the victim's hands were restrained, he could barely defend himself from Aaron's assault, which we're told was brutal.

Bristol County Sheriff Thomas Hodgson has told other media outlets, the fight lasted less than a minute. Hodgson says he's investigating the situation to find out how the men got into the hallway at the same time.

A rep for the jail had no comment. We reached out to Hodgson about this story multiple times ... he won't return our calls.