You Might Want to Rethink

Did Bill Maher really admit to doing crystal meth on last night's episode of "Real Time"?

Kristin Cavallari threw on a small black dress and hit up a hotspot last night she KNEW she'd get photographed at ... STK in Hollywood.

File this under: Things you NEVER say to your fiancee.

Kris Humphries was lumbering around L.A. yesterday when he was asked -- IN FRONT OF Kim Kardashian -- if he was with "the most beautiful girl in world" ... and HE SAID, gasp, NO!

Why would Jay Cutler and Kristin Cavallari break off their engagement right after her WEDDING DRESS photoshoot? We came up with 4 awesome theories ... kinda ... sorta.

TMZ has obtained several pics of Brown's super-expensive rides ... clearly parked in spaces reserved for disabled drivers. We're told Chris has been ticketed numerous times by the city.

The building manager tells us everyone is fed up and they're now planning on towing Chris' cars if he dares park there again.

Chris' lawyer, Mark Geragos, tells TMZ, Chris is the one who's getting screwed. Geragos says, the deed clearly shows the two spaces belong to Chris, but the developer never disclosed the spots were reserved for the handicapped. Geragos says Chris is in litigation with the building over the spaces and plans to fight the tickets as well. But the building manager says Chris is parking in other handicapped spots as well.

But the gripes go beyond parking spaces. Chris' fellow condo-owners tell TMZ ... the dude is utterly disrespectful, blasting loud music and partying day and night ... even racing dogs down the hallways at all hours.

And that's not all. We're told police showed up this week, after someone vandalized the elevator by carving "C.B." on the elevator door.

Mind you ... Chris has only lived in the building a few months.

We told you yesterday ... Tiger Woods ex-wife is dating marketing exec Jamie Dingman, whose dad is a billionaire tycoon. But before Elin, sources tell TMZ Jamie and Rachel were an item -- and there was a little bit of an overlap with Jamie and Tiger, but Jamie bowed out to the golfer.

In fact, when Rachael got serious with Tiger, Jamie joked with her, "That ok. I'll date his wife, Elin."

And get this ... at the time the Tiger Woods scandal broke, Jamie was living with Rachel in a MIami home.

And there's more. Remember the name, Jen Madden? She's the one who sold the Tiger Woods story in the first place, and she got the info because she stayed at the Miami home and overheard Rachel tell Jamie about her affair with Tiger.

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ, DMX broke SEVERAL rules in Yuma state prison since January -- including drug possession, failing or refusing a drug test, smoking when he wasn't supposed to, being disrespectful, disruptive, and disorderly ... the list goes on.

A rep for the prison wouldn't specify what kind of drug officials found on the rapper.

All told, DMX had seven disciplinary infractions -- and we're told, he'll be stuck in Yuma prison for AT LEAST another week due to the failed drug test.

X was supposed to be released tomorrow, seven months after he was sentenced to serve time for a probation violation.

Xzibit took to his Twitter recently, claiming, "Planking is THE dumbest sh*t ever. Planking was a way to transport slaves on ships during the slave trade, its not funny. Educate yourselves."

The rapper adds, "Dont get it twisted. I care less where your dumb asses lay face down and take pictures of the sh*t, I'm just telling you where it came from."

It's all probably news to Katy Perry, Demi Moore, Rosario Dawson (above), Chris Brown, and Justin Bieber -- who have ALL posted pics of themselves online ... looking board.

UPDATE: Xzibit just tweeted re: TMZ: "Wow. They are trying to make me the Al Sharpton of planking. #news?"

UPDATE: From TMZ: Yes, Al, news.

TMZ has obtained video of Weinberg -- a member of Bruce Springsteen's E Street Band -- shirtless and washing himself last week in the KITCHEN SINK of a jazz club in Minneapolis ... where he was playing a gig with his other band.

Don't ask us why Max chose to scrub himself then and there ... because the only explanation the drummer would give us about the incident was, "I'm not that good, but I'm very clean."

The wrestling organization works directly with GLAAD and even produced a series of anti-bullying commercials following incidents involving announcer Michael Cole and wrestler John Cena.

Calls to GLAAD were not returned.

UPDATE: A rep for the WWE tells TMZ, "WWE does not condone this type of language or bias and we reinforce that with our talent who are independent contractors."

Mark dropped the d-bomb earlier today on the "Morning Joe" broadcast -- claiming he thought Obama was "kind of a d*ck yesterday" at the President's White House news conference.

Mark has since profusely apologized for the comment, but MSNBC followed through with the suspension anyway -- claiming his "comments this morning were completely inappropriate and unacceptable."

Tracy warned his audience at a performance in New York City this weekend, "Don't ever mess with women who have retarded kids." The audience groaned, but Tracy didn't stop: "Them young retarded males is strong. They're strong like chimps."

But more was yet to come. Tracy reminisced about a girl he once dated, describing her as "a cripple" with a prosthetic arm, a mechanical larynx and a portable dialysis machine.

You'll recall, earlier this month, Tracy drew fire for another performance, in which he said he would stab his son to death if he spoke in a "gay voice."

Tracy apologized for the comments about gays, but now we gotta ask ...

Ricky tells TMZ, it was just before closing time at Playhouse nightclub and his bladder was about to burst -- so he hit up the men's room ... but the line was ridiculous.

So, Ricky claims, he went out back to the smoking area and relieved himself against a wall -- at which point a giant hand grabbed him by the shoulder, and escorted him out through a rear exit.

R

icky says he apologized profusely, pleading with the bouncer to let him back in so he could grab his things and leave -- but security wasn't having it. And that's when the slap fight broke out.

Some "lucky" BET viewers were chosen to present the viewer's choice award at the show last night ... but there was a HUGE mistake ... because someone put the wrong name on the teleprompter.

So the lucky fan read the winner as "Chris Brown" ... but quickly recanted and said, "I'm sorry, the winner is Rihanna." But that wasn't the case either ...

Despite the fact that Rihanna's name appeared on the video screen as the winner ... one of the presenters chimed in for a THIRD time and announced Drake as the winner!!! Drake then appeared on stage to collect his trophy.

Drake gave a short speech and described the whole thing as awkward. Understatement.

After the awards, a BET rep announced that Brown was the correct winner -- and chalked the whole thing up to a "human error" on the part of BET producers.

Local NBC weathergirl Elita Loresca issued an apology live on the air this morning ... after she was caught talking "smack" about Al Roker when she thought her microphone was off.

Loresca said Roker was "such a kook."

She later was clearly forced to deliver a painfully awkward apology.

But here's the deal -- there's nothing wrong with what she said ... AND ... Al is kind of a kook, right?