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INTERGALACTIC EXCLUSIVE: TMZ has learned, "Teen Mom" porn star Farrah Abraham will be living out every young girl's fantasy to model nude for Playboy magazine!!! Just kidding, Playboy rejected her sorry ass.

Sources tell us, the star of "Backdoor Teen Mom" reached out to the men's magazine following her sex tape release about appearing fully nude in an upcoming issue ... one of her lifelong dreams.

But the mag said no way, ho-se.

That didn't stop Farrah from trying one more time though -- we're told she reached out again last month ... and the magazine shot back with a SECOND NO, saying they just didn't have enough room for her.

Makes sense ... her new boobs are pretty damn big.

A former "Real World: Las Vegas" star learned the hard way NOT to put his hand up a girl's skirt (allegedly) ... after it landed him in the back of a cop car, pepper-sprayed to the nines.

Dustin Zito -- known as the 2011 housemate who did gay porn -- was arrested Saturday night, outside a bar in Louisiana. Cops say Zito allegedly tried to reach up a woman's skirt and touch her inappropriately. The woman reported the incident to police.

But it didn't end there ... cops say when they showed up, Zito violently resisted the arrest. So they used pepper spray to subdue him and take him into custody. Ouch.

He was charged with sexual battery and resisting an officer violently.

Snooki and Pauly D were forced to change their cell phone numbers yesterday ... after some swastika-loving Nazi jerkwad hacked into JWoww's Twitter account and gave out their digits to all of her followers, TMZ has learned.

Here's what we know ... the Anti-Semitic mystery hacker took over JWoww's page on Sunday night -- changed her Twitter avatar to a swastika -- and then gave out several private numbers to all of JWoww's 3.3 MILLION followers.

Among the released numbers -- Snooki, Pauly D, Deena and Perez Hilton.

We're told the Snooks, Pauly and Deena have already changed their numbers in the wake of the hack -- we're guessing Perez probably followed suit.

JWoww has since regained control of her Twitter page -- and got rid of the Nazi symbol. The identity of the hacker is still unknown.

Well this is surprising ... "Jersey Shore" star Pauly D actually supports a New Jersey town's war on saggy pants -- telling TMZ, "I'm not trying to look at guys' asses going down the street."

As we reported, several big rappers -- including The Game -- have spoken out against the City of Wildwood's recent ban on saggy pants along its boardwalks, claiming it's a racist law that targets black people.

But Pauly D doesn't think so ... saying, "Put a belt on!"

NBA legend Michael Jordan tried to win entrance into Kennedy's vagina during a steamy dice game back in 1995 ... so says the former MTV star, who claims she was a virgin at the time.

Kennedy -- who was a huge MTV VJ back in the '90s -- details the encounter in her new book "The Kennedy Chronicles" ... explaining how she was having dinner with MJ and Russell Simmons at the Bowery Bar in NYC, when Michael broke out some dice.

Before long, Kennedy says, Jordan decided it was "time to play for something" ... and said, "If I win, you come back to my hotel room with me tonight."

Kennedy says she freaked out because she was a virgin --and imagined MJ's giant penis would "eviscerate me from the inside out" ... so she asked if they could play for Knicks tickets instead.

And that's when Jordan allegedly reminded Kennedy he had a wife -- and offered her Nets tickets as a consolation.

"Sure, he'll filet my vag like a sea bass if he won at dice on a men's room floor," Kennedy writes ... "but as soon as I want basketball tickets he's a Promise Keeper? Whatevs."

Kennedy says she won the dice game anyway -- so her vag was never in any real danger.

We reached out to MJ for comment -- so far, no word back.

Farrah Abraham might have two D's on her chest, but she got all A's in her drunk classes -- the "Teen Mom" passed her alcohol ed classes with flying colors.

As TMZ previously reported ... the anusly-gifted porn star copped a plea deal with prosecutors earlier this month -- pleading guilty to DUI. She got 6 months probation and was ordered to complete an alcohol education course.

The "Backdoor Teen Mom" took her punishment like a man. We're told she was on her "best behavior" in booze school.

Farrah took the classes in Texas (where she lives), rather than Nebraska (where she was arrested) and even got a diploma! Well, really it's just a certificate of completion.

Champagne anyone?

Tanning Mom's attempted sexy beach romp had some people at TMZ -- who will NOT remain anonymous -- proclaiming her bangable!

And don't get us started on "Backdoor Teen Mom" Farrah Abraham's new boobs.

Charlie Sheen is FURIOUS at Farrah Abraham for allegedly leaking their private text message conversation -- and TMZ has learned, he's already sent her the most epic rejection letter of all time ... calling her "a desperate guzzler of stagnant douche agua."

And that's just the beginning. Seriously. Charlie does NOT hold back. Here's the full transcript:

TMZ broke the story ... Farrah reached out to Charlie back in May via text message, saying she hopes to meet Sheen if she can score herself a role on "Anger Management." Charlie responded favorably, agreeing to meet up, but now ... it appears that's changed.

Translation: Farrah can forget about a playdate with Charlie ... but at least she's still a millionaire.

Farrah Abraham has back-door'd her way into the 7-figure range ... 'cause the former MTV star tells TMZ she's a bona fide millionaire.

The 22-year-old just called in to "TMZ Live" to discuss her crush on Charlie Sheen ... when we asked her straight up if her foray into the world of adult entertainment has turned her into a millionaire.

But Farrah's swollen bank account isn't just from the sex tape -- we broke the story, she scored in the high 6-figures when she sold her sex tape to Vivid Entertainment. But she's also locking down endorsement deals ... and collecting checks for public appearances.

Farrah Abraham just pled GUILTY in her Nebraska DUI case -- and as a result, she's been ordered to stay ALCOHOL-FREE for six whole months, TMZ has learned.

We broke the story ... the former MTV star turned porn queen had struck a plea deal with prosecutors -- and got probation instead of jail stemming from her March arrest.

As part of the deal, Farrah was sentenced to 6 months probation, a $500 fine, and was ordered to install an ignition interlock device in her car -- one of the machines that requires the driver to submit to a breath test before the engine will start.

The judge in the case also required 22-year-old Farrah to not consume one single drop of alcohol during her probation.

Farrah was initially charged with disorderly conduct and refusing to take a field sobriety test -- but those charges were dropped as part of the plea deal.

Snooki says she lost her virginity at age 14 ... because she was bored ... and says the guy who took her V-card was a total jerk.

The "Jersey Shore" star spilled her guts during an interview with YourTango.com ... explaining, "I was 14. I mean, in upstate New York there's really nothing to do up there but experiment."

She continued, "He was a senior, and I thought he liked me but turned out he was just a jerk. So, it was terrible."

Snooki never names the guy ... but in previous interviews she's torn him apart -- saying, "I definitely regret my first time. It sucked."

"Teen Mom" turned porn star Farrah Abraham won't serve a day behind bars for DUI ... assuming the judge approves a plea deal she just struck with prosecutors, TMZ has learned.

An official at the Douglas County D.A.'s Office tells us, Farrah has agreed to plead guilty to aggravated DUI on June 20th ... in exchange, prosecutors agreed to ask for probation instead of jail.

As we reported, Farrah was popped for DUI in Nebraska back in March ... allegedly blowing a .147 ... nearly twice the legal limit. Farrah originally pled NOT guilty.

In addition to probation, prosecutors will ask the judge to suspend Farrah's driving privileges and order her to pay $500 in fines ... but that's it ... zero time in the pokey.

Farrah Abraham has already used the Internet to peddle her porn video, but now TMZ has learned she's using the web for something productive ... to get a college degree.

Farrah has enrolled in Pace University (online) and is entering their Lubin School of Business in order to get a BBA in Business Studies. We're told the "Backdoor Teen Mom" star is concentrating in Accounting and Internal Auditing (we thought she was more into external).

Farrah tells TMZ she hopes to put the degree to good use ... she has plans to open a restaurant in the near future. She tells us, "I'm going back to further my education. It helps my future in terms of my business goals and secures a better future for my daughter."

Let's hope she isn't required to take any English classes (watch the video below and you'll see what we mean).

Gov. Chris Christie hates Snooki more than Snooki hates sobriety ... so says the MTV star ... and it couldn't have been more apparent during an awkward encounter in NJ moments ago.

Christie and Snooki came face-to-face on the Seaside Heights boardwalk after taping separate segments for the "Today" show.

During the exchange, Snooki complains that Christie is standing too close to her ... so Christie comically leans in even closer.

After Christie extended a handshake to the "Jersey Shore" star -- who was flanked by JWoww and Deena Cortese -- Snook tells CC, "I just wanted to meet you, and just, hope you start to like us.”

As Snooki walks away, she pulls the "I hate your guts" face ... it's classic.

After the encounter, Snook tweeted a photo of the meeting -- and wrote, "Getting told why we are bad for jersey. Amazing."

Make it stop ... "Teen Mom" star Jenelle Evans is officially a wanted woman AGAIN ... after blowing off a court date today in North Carolina.

The 21-year-old MTV reality star was supposed to appear for a hearing in her cyberstalking case, but Brunswick County court officials tell TMZ, she no-showed. The judge then issued a warrant for her arrest.

As we reported, Evans was arrested back in 2012 for allegedly cyberstalking an old roommate/ex-boyfriend.

Jenelle's arrest history is legendary ... just last month she was busted for heroin possession and assault.

2:10 PM PT -- Jenelle just posted $1,000 bond and has been released.

1:25 PM PT -- Jenelle turned herself in about 20 minutes ago.

Breathe easy, James Deen ... Farrah Abraham is NOT PREGNANT ... not even a little bit, as far as she knows.

The "Teen Mom"-slash-porn-star pre-taped an episode of upcoming conflict resolution talk show "The Test," where producers convinced her to take one -- and it was NEGATIVE. (Trust us, that's a POSITIVE).

TMZ broke the story ... Abraham said she missed her period after making her porno with Deen. She was photographed while plunking down cash for an EPT at the drug store.

But Farrah told "The Test" host Kirk Fox that she never took that test (her explanation was WAY too convoluted to make any sense ... so we're going with "not enough cameras around").

We're told Farrah reacted indifferently. We can relate.