Pets

You're hired.

Sir Lancelot's owner Stuart Heller tells TMZ, it happened last Friday in L.A. -- his friend was watching little Lance when an unidentified person approached to pet him ... and next thing he knew, the dog was gone.

Stuart tells us, he's already posted hundreds of fliers in front of the office where the alleged dognapping went down -- but so far, no luck.

Stuart's offering a $10,000 reward.

Arielle Zuckerberg posted an item on her blog -- explaining how Mark is on the hunt for a pair of "ridiculous looking breeds" of doggies ... something called a Puli (left) and a Komondor (right).

Arielle says she's even suggesting a list of names for the little guys ... including:

Yoda, Rambo, Snooki, Mufasa, Nanook, Waffles, Baxter, Boba Fett, Biscuit, Tank, Mugatu, Goliath, Bone-Saw and Jumanji.

Funny thing is -- Mark could probably buy the REAL Yoda, Rambo, Snooki ...

After we suggested the idea to Hawley on Thursday night (see below), he posted a Twitpic of his dog Fargo wearing a pair of women's sunglasses on his butt.

You're welcome.

Kelly and daughter Ella Blue picked up male and female Goldendoodles -- Audi and Charlie -- in September of last year.

We're told the Travoltas spent an extra $2,200 to send the litter mates to four weeks of boot camp -- where they learned basic commands ... and the most awesome ability to ring a bell when they need to go potty.

Puppies rule!

As TMZ first reported, Milian was sued by a neighbor, Leo Skolion, who claimed Milian's dog got loose back in 2008 and bit "a huge chunk" out of the back of his arm.

According to court docs filed last week, Milian agreed to fork over a $55,000 settlement to Skolion.

Martha was getting ready to leave her NY home Tuesday when she leaned over to "whisper goodbye" to her dozing french bulldog, Francesca. But Martha says she must have "startled" the dog, because Franny shot upwards and hit Martha in the face ... busting her lip open.

Martha says she "felt a bit of whiplash as blood gushed forth from [her] split lip."

Unable to stop the bleeding herself, Martha first called police to ask for a ride ... before remembering that she had a driver on standby.

Martha eventually made it to the emergency room -- where she was promptly sewn back up.

JJ -- who got the gun from his girlfriend Kat Von D -- posted the video last night and said, "Wanna know why @thekatvond is the Perfect Woman? She Got me a SNIPER RIFLE for Xmas!"

BTW -- Jesse's not the only one in puppy love -- Cinnabun has a new boyfriend named "Pierre."

Cadillac killed a dog in Ronson's condo building last August.

As we first reported, the Department of Animal Control investigated the incident and there was talk of destroying Cadillac. We're told the dog was sent back East but returned to Sam, who now lives with Cadillac in Venice, CA , a beach community in L.A.

But Cadillac is dogsona non grata in WeHo and, according to documents obtained by TMZ, the city declaring the pooch a "dangerous dog."

The dog had allegedly been shipped to the East Coast to live with family after the incident ... but clearly, the bitch is back.

A rep for Animal Control tells TMZ, the attack went down last week near Mariel's L.A. home -- her pit bull went after another dog and two humans, who were immediately sent to the hospital with serious puncture wounds.

Animal Control tells us, they're currently investigating the incident -- but for the meantime, Mariel's pit bull will be placed in quarantine.

This lovely creature was spotted outside the wedding of Nicole Richie and Joel Madden, being brushed and fitted with some kind of headwear before being led into the festivities.

Brown and his mystery lady showed off a little P.D.A. ... while Brown's addddorable wittle puppy wuppy got its tiny little paws wet in the sand.

A rep for SeaWorld tells us, "If Mr. Lee’s information on Tilikum and SeaWorld’s artificial insemination program for killer whales comes from PETA we’re not surprised that it’s wrong. PETA is as careless with facts as they are extreme in their views."

As we first reported, Lee had fired off a letter to SeaWorld demanding they release Tilikum the orca back into the wild. In his letter, Lee also stated that he learned the "sick and twisted" info about the cow vaginas from SeaWorld's own director of safety.

But the SeaWorld rep notes, "The process of collecting semen for [artificial insemination] doesn’t differ in any meaningful way from the techniques employed in managing livestock or other species for zoological display."

"Contrary to the charges made by PETA and repeated in Lee’s letter, our trainers do not now nor have they ever entered the water with Tilikum for this purpose. The safety of SeaWorld staff and the welfare of our animals are our highest priorities."