Weird News

Good news, America ... Boomer Esiason is coming back for another Kitten Bowl!

The Hallmark Channel announced the former Cincinnati Bengals QB will return to call the play-by-play on Feb. 4 as several rescued cats vie for the "national championship of feline football."

Beth Stern -- Howard Stern's wife -- will host the show with correspondents Dean Cain and Alison Sweeney.

Six Flags Hurricane Harbor accused a parkgoer of not being the master of his domain in its swimming pool and it was embarrassing as hell ... so he says in a new lawsuit.

Eric Anthony Guinea is suing the theme park for discrimination and emotional distress after it hurled the allegation back in June ... claiming he masturbated in front of kids in the pool.

In docs, obtained by TMZ, Guinea says a security guard ordered him out of the pool, telling him staff saw him pleasure himself in the pool next to little kids.

Guinea denied it ... saying he was playing with a rubber band he found in the pool while watching his 5-year-old daughter. Guinea says another security guard had the audacity to ask if he was a registered sex offender ... before laughing it off and then telling him to enjoy his day.

Guinea said the ordeal was humiliating, made all the worse because he says he was singled out since he's a 370-pound man adorned with tattoos and keloids all over his body.

The guy behind the Vegas massacre bought some of his weapons at a gun store right near his Nevada home ... a place that touts itself as the best spot in town to buy firearms ... and guitars.

Stephen Paddock loaded up at the Guns & Guitars store in Mesquite, NV -- where you can buy a semi-automatic rifle on a Monday ... and come back for a guitar session every other Tuesday.

Seriously ... the place is currently running a student guitar special, $99 for a guitar with a strap and 4 picks ... while offering a free box of ammo with the purchase of a handgun.

Want to combine the best of guns and guitars? They also sell an M-16 Machine Gun Guitar for $225.

So far, no word on which guns Paddock bought from G&G -- but store officials confirmed he was a customer ... on the gun side of the store.

The store issued a statement saying, "All necessary background checks and procedures were followed" when Paddock bought guns from them.

"He never gave any indication or reason to believe he was unstable or unfit at any time."

Time for Mike Tyson to listen up ... because if he wants some of the personal (and bizarre) items he USED to own back, TMZ Sports has a way for Iron Mike to recover his crap.

What kinda stuff are we talking about here?

Autographed porn covers (S/O to Heather Hunter, a legend), personal photos with huge stars like Eddie Murphy and Johnny Gill, and even legal documents from Mike's time as a not-so-great citizen.

This haul of goodies ended up in the hands of a guy named Richus Allen, who tells us he bought the stuff from a thrift shop in Fayetteville, North Carolina.

So how'd he get it?

Allen says Mike's personal barber put the stuff in a storage unit, then defaulted on the payments. The thrift store bought the unit, then Allen bought the stuff.

Richus tells us he wants Mike to know he has his old crap, just in case MT wants some of his memories -- including pics of his now deceased mother figure Camille Ewald -- back.

Claims of racism by Ciara Miller -- the woman seen yelling at restaurant diners about a vet's service dog being allowed inside -- are ridiculous and "shameful" ... says the woman who recorded the video.

Sherra Stanley tells us ... the service dog at Kathy's Crab House in Delaware belongs to her friend Bill, a military vet, and his wife is the woman who approached Miller to explain why his dog, JP, was allowed inside. Stanley claims there were absolutely NO racial slurs hurled ... but Miller went crazy.

Stanley also tells us the racism accusations don't make sense ... because Bill's party at the restaurant was representing multiple races. Specifically ... his stepdad is black, and Stanley herself is mixed race.

As we reported ... Miller claims she was grossed out by the service dog but was leaving peacefully until she was accosted and called the n-word.

In the now-infamous vid ... Ciara argues with several patrons, but doesn't allude to any racist behavior.

Gatorade's gettin' some Hater-ade from the State of California -- which is suing the energy drink company for a star-studded smear campaign against water.

Drink that in.

It's all over a 2012 app launched by Gatorade called "Bolt!" -- it's a mobile phone game like "Temple Run" in which a Usain Bolt character runs through obstacles gathering Gatorade token to run faster.

The enemy in the game is water -- which is branded as "the enemy of performance." Players must avoid water at all cost. The game was reportedly downloaded more than 2.3 million times and promoted by huge stars like Justin Bieber and Mike Tyson.

So, why does the state of CA have a problem?

According to court docs obtained by TMZ Sports, the state attorney general believes the game violated California law by delivering a misleading message to consumers -- that water decreases athletic performance. California says that's just not true.

The State wants to block Gatorade from continuing the anti-H20 ad campaign -- and also seeks to hit the company with a serious fine.

Holy crap this is disgusting -- a jogger is defecating all over a Colorado neighborhood, and yeah ... residents have had it up to here with her s**t.

The prime suspect, we'll call her suspect #2, has allegedly been pooping all over Colorado Springs, but has taken a liking to one Cathy Budde's yard in particular. She says her kids caught the runner mid-squat and yelled ... "There's a lady taking a poop!"

Cathy says she confronted the woman, who said sorry before running away. But she tells KKTV, the runner with the runs came back several more times.

Cathy spotted her each time, and thinks she's doing it on purpose -- she comes equipped with napkins. She snapped a shot of suspect #2 ... and now police are on the lookout.

The cats who call the Hemingway House in Key West home are all safe and accounted for after the bulk of Hurricane Irma spared the island city ... TMZ has learned.

Staff members that work at the Hemingway House tell us all 55 cats -- and the people who stayed behind to care for them -- are a-okay at the property ... which itself is still standing and suffered no major structural damage.

We're told all 10 Hemingway occupants, including manager Jacque Sands, lucked out big time since Irma left significantly less destruction than in the other Keys. Sources tell us while there are a few trees down on the estate, everything else at the house appears to be fine.

The Hemingway House also avoided major flooding. A source at the National Weather Service tells us Key West only saw a water surge of about 3 feet as opposed to the 15-20 feet anticipated throughout the Keys as Irma approached. We're told Key West was in the eye wall -- the strongest part of the hurricane -- for 2 hours. Water has begun to recede as Irma moves north.

As a result, those at the house are not currently inundated by water unlike Miami -- but are staying inside until winds die down.

The legendary Ernest Hemingway home appears doomed ... an almost certain casualty of Hurricane Irma ... this according to local law enforcement.

The Key West home -- made of wood and built in the 1850's -- sits about 16 feet above sea level, which is the highest point on the island. Law enforcement tells us they're expecting at least 15 feet of water to flood the area ... so the outcome is bleak.

The Hemingway Home's manager, 72-year-old Jacqui Sands, has already said she's staying put to maintain the home and its 55 or so roaming cats. Jacqui and some staff are boarding up and bunkering down.

If Jacqui or her staff are injured, cops say they'll be left to fend for themselves, because hospitals, ERs, rescue crews and other government assistance will not be available.

A farewell to Hemingway?

Farrah Abraham's slightly used red gingham bikini and heels worn for the cover of "Girls and Corpses" can now be yours -- if you're into those things. Bikinis ... not corpses. Sicko.

The "Teen Mom" star did the photo shoot for the horror and comedy magazine's winter 2013 issue, and owner Robert Rhine is trying to make some cash off her wardrobe. He's listed the bikini and heels separately on eBay ... and says he expects to fetch thousands.

You can bid on Farrah's morbidly hot outfit until Sunday. If you're interested ... the top's medium, the bottom's extra small, and shoes ... size 9. And we know where your mind is right now.

Robert tells us he will donate all of the money from the sale to The American Red Cross to help victims of Hurricane Harvey and Irma.

According to the eBay post, all items were "only used for photo shoot and immediately put into a plastic bag."

Selena Gomez has an obsessed fan with a twisted, perverted mind -- the man tried to order a penis-shaped bouquet before showing up to her pad to hand-deliver other goods.

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ ... the 24-year-old man showed up Friday morning at Selena's San Fernando Valley home. We're told he was loaded down with random gifts, flowers and even food items.

We're told her security team intercepted the guy -- who, it turns out, they've seen before. Selena's people told the guy to beat it, then called police to report the incident ... and this is where it gets even creepier.

Cops happened to have gotten a call from a flower shop earlier in the day reporting a man requesting a phallic floral arrangement for Selena Gomez. We're told an employee sensed something was amiss and immediately jock-blocked the order.

Whole Foods says eat real food ... but one man's now ruffling feathers with a lawsuit, claiming the grocery store sold him chicken with rocks.

Dr. Albert Liu is suing Whole Foods, saying he ordered ready-to-eat Organic Naked Rotisserie Chicken in Vegas but it had 2 rocks inside the chicken's gizzard, or stomach.

In docs obtained by TMZ, Liu says he broke 2 teeth after biting into the rocks. Liu says he complained to Whole Foods and the manager apologized and told him to file a report. Liu says he did, and a different manager the next day said WF shouldn't have sold him the bird.

It's interesting ... it seems chickens do eat rocks, but they "chew" the food in their gizzard 'cause, ya know, they have no teeth.

We reached out to Whole Foods, so far no word back, but check this out. The law in most states says ... if a grocery store or restaurant sells food and something "indigenous" to the item causes injury, tough luck for the consumer. So, if you buy lobster and break your tooth on the shell, you're outta luck.

If you bite down on a foreign object -- say a nail in a steak -- then you have a case.

With the chicken, it turns out they actually eat rocks. So we're not saying Whole Foods will win, but they may have a good argument that rocks are indigenous.

One of the Best Buy stores in Houston offered Hurricane Harvey victims bottled water ... for a price, a very high one and now the company's apologizing.

The store was caught selling 12-packs of Smartwater for $29.98 and 24-packs of Dasani for a whopping $42.96. A photo of the display went viral this week, amid allegations of price gouging in the wake of the Harvey.

Best Buy now admits, "This was a big mistake on the part of a few employees at one store on Friday. As a company we are focused on helping, not hurting affected people. We’re sorry and it won’t happen again."

A rep for the retail tech giant added ... Best Buy doesn't normally sell water, and that the employees at this specific store were pricing the packs based on single bottle prices.

The guy with the "Blacks for Trump 2020" sign at the President's Phoenix rally is an ex-cult member ... who was once charged with conspiring in 2 murders.

Maurice Symonette was once a member of the Yahweh ben Yahweh cult, led by preacher, Hulon Mitchell Jr. -- who was federally charged in 1990 with conspiracy in multiple killings, one of which included a beheading in the Everglades.

Symonette himself -- as well as at least 10 other cult members -- was charged in the '90s for allegedly conspiring to commit 2 murders ... this after his brother told jurors Michael helped beat one man and jammed a stick into another guy's eye.

He was later found not guilty.

As we told you ... Symonette runs a website that's pretty out there -- accusing "ISIS & HILLARY RACE WAR PLOT TO KILL ALL BLACK & WHITE WOMEN OF AMERICA" ... among other racially charged allegations.

Apparently, Blacksfortrump2020.com was just the tip of the iceberg for this dude. Good placement, team Trump.

12:50 PM -- USC went all Shakespeare in a statement to TMZ saying, "To E, or not to E, that is the question. Over the centuries his surname has been spelled 20 different ways. USC chose an older spelling because of the ancient feel of the statue, even though it is not the most common form."

"O USC, USC wherefore art thou E?" ... is probably what everyone's asking after USC spelled William Shakespeare's name without an "e" on a new statue.

The school unveiled a $700 million project featuring student housing, retail shops and restaurants. Nice and dandy, but UCLA's hawkeyed student section caught one mortifying mistake.

The statue of Hecuba features a quote from Shakespeare's "Hamlet" ... but if you look closely, USC appears to have cut some corners, or, in this case, the letter "e."

What's worse -- that a mistake happened or that UCLA caught it?

We reached out to USC ... so far, no word back.

Donald Trump's apparently the preferred face of drug dealers in Germany after thousands of ecstasy pills in the shape of the Prez's head were seized by police.

Cops in the northwestern city of Osnabruck found approximately 5,000 orange, Trump-shaped pills with an unspecified amount of money. The pills were reportedly found in a car driven by a 51-year-old man who was riding with his 17-year-old son.

The pills -- featuring Trump's brash hairstyle and his name on the back -- have a street value worth around $46k. The father and son were ordered to remain behind bars while the car was towed.

Trump Makes Partying Great Again? Probably not.