Cocaine ... hangovers ... and mug shots  -- Mike Tyson and Charlie Sheen are a match made in Comedy Central Roast heaven ... and TMZ has learned Iron Mike is officially on board to skewer the Warlock next month.

Sources heavily involved with the Roast tell us ... Mike will be on the dais on September 10 ... along with Steve-O from "Jackass" ... comic Anthony Jeselnik and Roast legend Jeff Ross.

Bombs away.

Charlie Sheen could get off REALLY easy at the upcoming Comedy Central "Roast" ... because TMZ has learned Lisa Lampanelli -- the QUEEN OF MEAN -- is booked that night and might not show!!!




Lisa tells us, "I am personally thrilled to death that they chose Charlie and I'm glad he's desperate enough to have accepted the challenge. I mean, come on -- the guy was replaced by Ashton Kutcher. I guess he now knows how Bruce Willis felt!"

But she adds, "Sadly, I'm actually booked to do a show that night already, but if there's any way I can get out of it, all I can say is, "Charlie, here I come!'"

The show is scheduled to tape September 10 in L.A.

Lisa ... make it happen.

It's official ... Charlie Sheen will be the next "roastee" at the next Comedy Central Roast in September.



Sheen released a statement saying, "You could say I've been providing kindling for this Roast for a while ... It's time to light it up.& It's going to be epic."

The Roast will be taped in Los Angeles on September 10 ... and it will air on Comedy Central on September 19 -- which is, not coincidentally, the same night the revamped "Two and a Half Men" is set to premiere.

A rep for Comedy Central says, "Charlie has assured us that nothing will be off limits in this Roast which scares even us."

Story developing ...

Thomas Lennon from "Reno 911" was just trying to give our camera guy a little impromptu hernia inspection yesterday ... when suddenly, Breckin Meyer appeared -- and it was time to throw down!!!



You gotta watch the video ... it's pretty damn funny.

We took your questions on everything -- including Paris Hilton's BF pulling a gun on an alleged intruder, Leonardo DiCaprio's "delusional" stalker, and Michael Jackson's kids going to a private school.


Plus: Mel Gibson and Oksana Grigorieva cases.

Howard Stern's former right hand man -- Jackie "The Joke Man" Martling -- doesn't think the King of All Media will ever leave his radio show ... as long as Howard can breathe.


During a burger run in L.A. last night, Martling told us that Howard loves radio so much, he'll be doing it "until the day that he dies."

Interesting, considering Howard's contract with Sirius is up at the end of the year -- and Stern hasn't said whether he'll come back or not.

It was bound to get downright inappropriate during the roast of Joan Rivers -- but was anybody really expecting not one, but two cracks at the late David Carradine's expense? Warning: Language NSFW.


Both Greg Giraldo and Joan herself made the jokes -- but they leave us with just one question ...

There's a reason insult master Lisa Lampanelli didn't show up to the Comedy Central roast of Joan Rivers this weekend -- if she couldn't be in charge, it wasn't worth her precious time.

A week after Kathy Griffin was announced as the roastmaster for the event in Los Angeles, Lampanelli -- who's usually the headliner at these things -- dropped the following message on her Twitter page:

"No Joan Rivers roast for me this year. Not worth doing if I ain't roastmaster -- besides summer is for fun, not work."

Burn.

It's wrong in every possible way, shape and form, but when Lisa Lampanelli decided it was time to exploit Rihanna's horrible, tragic situation at the Comedy Central Roast of Larry the Cable Guy -- people couldn't help but crack up.