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You get run over by a tractor? Beaten at the bar? Butchered at the beauty salon? Well Master P will hook you up with the right lawyers.

For some inexplicable reason, the legendary rapper has become the TV pitchman for the law firm of Winton & Hiestand Law Group ... a personal injury firm in Louisville, Kentucky.

Chauncey Hiestand tells TMZ ... he and P became friends after Hurricane Katrina. P is from New Orleans, and lots of people from his hometown moved to Kentucky afterward.

Hiestand says Master P's pitch was a gesture of appreciation.

The spot sounds genuine ... until then end, when P drops his trademark "Uhhh."

Kim Kardashian was tackled and almost knocked to the ground in an alarming assault during a Paris Fashion Week event.

Kim, Kanye and Kris Jenner arrived at a fashion show Thursday ... and several hundred people -- including a gaggle of photogs -- were squeezed in to watch them arrive.

As Kim gets out of the car, a guy lunges at her, tackling her legs and tries to pull her to the ground.

You see security jump in, subdue the guy ... and then quickly escort Kim and Kris into the building.

TMZ has learned the attacker may be Vitalii Sediuk -- the Ukrainian prankster who did the same thing to Leo DiCaprio, Brad Pitt, and Will Smith. According to his rep, Sediuk is taking credit for lunging at Kim.

Hulk Hogan's got a cool beach restaurant in Florida -- but if you wanna enjoy a "coconut ginger mojito" during a concert at the eatery ... you better not show up dressing like an urban stereotype.

Check out the dress code outside Hogan's Beach in Tampa -- which essentially bars people who wear clothes popular with the black community.

The Hulk no-no's include:

-- No oversized t-shirts extending past the mid thigh
-- No excessively baggy attire
-- No low hanging pants or shorts
-- No hats facing sideways or back facing
-- No oversized or excessive jewelry
-- No camouflage (unless with military ID)
-- No workout clothing (including track suits, jump suits, sweat pants or basketball shorts)
-- No high-top sneakers

And get this ... if you plan to wear a do-rag or a bandana, FORGET ABOUT GETTING IN ... uhhh, Hulk's wearing one ON THE FRIGGIN' SIGN!!!!

We spoke with an employee at the restaurant, who said you can wear just about anything for lunch or dinner, but the dress code is strictly enforced during concert events. When we asked him about wearing oversized jewelry, he said, "I don't want to sound stereotypical ..." and then he trailed off.

We spoke with Hulk, who says he licenses his name to the restaurant but didn't know about the dress code and he's looking into it right now.

By the way, check out the promotional video for the restaurant -- no black people. However, there is a white dude wearing the FORBIDDEN camouflage shorts.

No word if he had military ID.

Kanye West called out a disabled fan in his audience again -- but this time he actually scored points with the wheelchair bound crowd surfer ... who tells TMZ there's no grudge over that super awkward moment in Australia.

Rick Guardino was at Kanye's benefit show in Chicago last weekend when friends hoisted him up above the crowd. In the video ... it looks like Yeezy spots Rick and actually salutes him in the middle of his rap.

It was way different from the PR debacle earlier this month ... where Kanye delayed his show until a fan in a wheelchair stood up.

So, was Kanye just trying to do a wheelchair make good in Chi town? Rick admits this was his first time at a Yeezus show, but he's convinced the rapper does NOT have anything against disabled people.

Paparazzi and street signs ... are another story.

UFC fighter Joe Riggs might be part mutant -- 'cause check out how well his gunshot wounds healed up in just THREE SHORT MONTHS!!

As we previously reported, Riggs was cleaning his pistol back in July when it accidentally fired -- sending a bullet ripping through his hand and thigh. It was bloody ... and could've been career-ending.

But as you can see in the pics, everything seemed to heal nicely -- and Joe just announced that he's booked his very first UFC fight since the incident.

The fight is set for Dec. 13th -- and Riggs is all set to take on Ben Saunders ... who, to our knowledge, has zero gunshot wounds.

We included the original bloody gunshot pictures below ... but be warned, they're pretty gnarly.

The woman claiming to have 3 boobs is A FRAUD ... A FAKE ... and ironically what exposed her lie is a crime someone committed against her.

Jasmine Tridevil has been making the rounds, claiming she got plastic surgery to net her an additional boob.

But we got a document from the Tampa International Airport Police Dept. describing a baggage theft. According to the doc ... someone stole a bunch of luggage off an American Airlines conveyor belt, including a black nylon roller bag.

Cops caught the thieves after IDing them with surveillance video. The black bag belonged to Tridevil, but before she got it back it was inventoried by police as part of the case against the crooks.

Guess what was inside the bag? "A 3 breast prosthesis."

BTW ... she told cops the prosthesis was valued at $5K.

Steve-O is putting his nuts on the line -- boldly challenging the hackers behind the nude celebrity leak to expose new photos of his junk.

Steve-O tells us he has lots of uncensored pics of himself showing off his junk -- trust us, some are more graphic than these -- and he's storing them on iCloud. He just tweeted a challenge to the hackers to come and get his stash ... if they're good enough.

As we first told you ... a lot of male celebs are taking steps to protect their photos because they're worried the hackers will start targeting dude nudes soon.

As usual, Steve-O -- and his frank and beans -- are going against the grain.

Kris Jenner has filed for divorce, and TMZ has learned it's already a done deal.

Kris filed pro per -- meaning NO LAWYER. Our sources say this was all orchestrated. Bruce Jenner's response was filed at the L.A. County Courthouse shortly after Kris filed, and it was a mirror image of Kris' petition.

They give the standard "irreconcilable differences" as grounds for the divorce.

Everything has been worked out with their business managers ... our sources say. There was NO PRENUP and they have already agreed to a property split.

Neither party will get spousal support. As for Kylie -- who is 17 -- they have joint custody.

Bruce, Kris and their managers worked out the deal over the last few months.

They separated June 1, 2013. That's significant because once they're separated they don't continue to share earnings -- in other words, what's hers stays hers after separation.

We're told the divorce is "totally amicable."

Young Jeezy shelled out $20K for ONE bottle of liquor ... but at least he got a sweet souvenir out of the deal while partying in Atlanta this weekend.

The rapper hit up Compound Nightclub to celebrate his new album and dropped a boatload of cash on champagne. We're told he ordered 100 bottles of Moët Nectar Impérial Rosé (club price: $350 each) and a massive Moët & Chandon Nectar Impérial Rosé Leopard Luxury Edition 6-Litre Methuselah Bottle (club price: $20,000).

You gotta see the pics ... YJ was generous, passing around the giant bottle to share the booze with friends -- but when the night was over it was hands off! Jeezy took it home with him.

"Howard Stern Show" wack packer Eric "The Actor" Lynch has died at 39 ... TMZ has learned.

Eric's longtime manager Johnny Fratto tells us Lynch was rushed to a hospital in Sacramento Saturday after he started having heart problems ... and we're told most of his organs just gave out.

An official from the hospital confirms Eric passed away Saturday afternoon ... and Fratto says Lynch was surrounded by family and friends when he died. We're told his caretaker Jon was also present.

Eric appeared on the Stern show just last week ... and said his parents would be taking over caretaking duties because Jon was moving away.

Eric has been calling into the Stern show since 2002 ... and would famously call in to yell at Howard. He had a love-hate relationship with pretty much everyone on staff. His medical condition was never explained on the show -- but he always claimed to have outlived doctors expectations.

Eric also made a few cameos on TV shows like "In Plain Sight" and "Fringe."

Back in 2009 we shot Eric rolling up to Ruth's Chris Steakhouse in Beverly Hills -- where he actually got the valet to park his pimped out Power-Wheels style Escalade.

August Alsina's condition was much more serious than his camp initially let on -- the singer was in a coma for 3 days after fainting on stage in NYC ... but he is finally awake.

August posted a gnarly photo of himself Friday morning after regaining consciousness ... thanking friends and family for their "prayers and concerns." In the pic, his head is heavily bandaged and an oxygen mask is strapped to his face.

TMZ broke the story ... BET's Best New Artist of the Year collapsed and fell off a stage Monday night. The next day, Alsina's rep said he was suffering from seizures and was in ICU.

Alsina's rep now confirms he'd been in a medically induced coma since Tuesday, and on a breathing machine.

5:05 PM PT -- Sources close to the investigation tell TMZ the reason the case went nowhere is because Adrian did NOT strike the boy in the forehead -- but instead the child accidentally hit his head on a carseat while Adrian was punishing him.

We're also told the form of discipline was "not impermissible." Under Texas law parents are allowed to administer reasonable punishment.

Peterson's attorney tells us an adult witness backed him up, saying Adrian "did nothing inappropriate with his son."

Adrian Peterson is under investigation for a SECOND child abuse case involving one of his other children.

This new investigation involves an incident that allegedly went down in June 2013 ... and the probe was launched after the then 4-year-old boy went home to his mother with a scar on his forehead.

The station says Adrian sent the mother a text message saying the child hit his head on a carseat -- but when the mother questioned him further ... Peterson eventually admitted hitting the child.

The mother reported the incident to Child Protective Services, but no charges were ever filed against Peterson.

Earlier today ... Peterson issued a public apology for the other case -- for which he's been indicted -- saying he was sorry for hurting the child during a visit in May.

George Zimmerman allegedly threatened to kill a man in Florida earlier this week during a road rage incident ... and cops pulled over Zimmerman to grill him about it.

According to the Lake Mary PD, a man named Matthew Apperson called 911 on September 9 and told the operator Zimmerman had pulled up next to him and began yelling, "Why are you pointing your finger at me? I'll f***ing kill you. Do you know who I am?"

Apperson says he drove away to a store where Zimmerman followed him to continue the verbal barrage. Apperson called 911 from inside the store, but according to cops ... Zimmerman was gone when they arrived.

Apperson claims 2 days later, he saw Zimmerman parked outside his work, and called police again. Cops responded and pulled Zimmerman over near the office. After questioning him, police decided not to press charges -- mainly because there was no independent witness.

For what it's worth ... Apperson is white. Also, he was carrying a gun at the time of the alleged run-in, but he has a permit for it.

The doctor who performed the endoscopy on Joan Rivers has been fired by the clinic's board.

Sources at Yorkville Endoscopy tell us Dr. Lawrence Cohen stepped down after the board asked him to do so -- however the board isn't directly blaming him for Joan's death.

A rep for the clinic confirmed he was ousted from his position as medical director.

According to our sources ... the board's issue with Cohen is that he allowed Joan's ENT doc to step in and perform an unauthorized procedure. Reportedly, that procedure was a biopsy ... and Joan went into respiratory and cardiac arrest while it was being done.

Paris Hilton finally said screw finding Mr. Right, and settled for Mr. Amazing -- that's his name -- but she had to drop $13,000 to get him.

Paris' new guy is the world's smallest Pomeranian -- according to "Betty's Teacup Yorkies" ... the place where Paris bought him. We're told he weighs 11.6 ounces and stands (kinda) 2.5 inches tall.

As for that price tag? Betty says 5-month-old Mr. Amazing hails from a super-fancy breeder in Calgary. Whatevs. He'll be getting on a plane to L.A. soon ... with his nanny, naturally.

Life in Paris' purse awaits.

12:45 PM PT -- A rep for the VIP Room tells TMZ that Chris Brown was "completely oblivious" to the incident and it occurred roughly 50 feet away from Brown and his group. The rep says the entire ordeal was completely unrelated to Brown.

A bottle-throwing brawl erupted at a club where Chris Brown was performing early Thursday morning, and police want to know if he was involved ... TMZ has learned.

According to our sources, it all went down at the VIP Room in the Meatpacking District where Chris was performing for a New York Fashion Week after-party.

Police arrived at the club at around 3:20 AM, after reports of a bottle-throwing melee, but no arrests were made. We're told one victim suffered an eye injury as a result of the bottle-tossing.

Law enforcement sources tell us they are not sure if Chris was directly involved ... but a witness tells us he was in the club, in a V.I.P. section, when the brawl broke out.

Brown tweeted about the fight saying, "There was no brawl involving me or anyone from my camp last night at VIP room. The devil is in full effect at all times. God is the way."

Back in June 2012, Brown was directly involved in a similar brawl with Drake and his crew at W.i.P. Nightclub in NYC.