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How does someone with such talented thumbs BUTCHER a sandwich so badly?!?

That's the question we've got for Ninja whose attempt to make a bacon, egg and cheese sandwich was as pathetic as a 40-year-old trying to play "Fortnite" for the first time.

Ninja -- real name Tyler Blevins -- teamed up with Bon Appetit food director Carla Lalli Music for a YouTube segment about cooking without visual aids.

He tried hard ... but Tyler couldn't figure out how to properly slice the bread and then cut the avocado STRAIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE THROUGH THE PIT LIKE A PSYCHOPATH!!!

The craziest part, Ninja actually has real restaurant experience ... he worked at Noodles & Company where he prepped noodles for 3 years!

In the end, Ninja managed to put together an edible sandwich ... and despite the avo mishap, it actually looked sorta delicious.

Lizzo's mic cut out repeatedly at a big gig in Indianapolis, but she didn't just get named Entertainer of the Year for nothing ... and made sure the show went on.

The "Truth Hurts" singer was the headliner Tuesday night at the 99.5 ZPL Jingle Jam at Bankers Life Fieldhouse, but midway through her second song, "Cuz I Love You" ... technical glitches made things less than good as hell.

Lizzo's wireless microphone went silent and she didn't know it, and for some reason ... nobody alerted her until she'd powered through the rest of the track unaware nobody could hear her.

The female reporter who had her butt slapped by a man live on-air while she was covering a River Bridge Run in Georgia on Saturday is pursuing sexual battery charges ... TMZ Sports has learned.

According to a police report obtained by TMZ Sports, WSAV's Alex Bozarjian was reporting from the River Bridge Run in Savannah, Georgia when a runner named Tommy Callaway "approached from behind her and smacked her on the buttocks."

Bozarjian describes the incident as a "smack and grab" -- "advising that he also grabbed her buttocks in the same motion."

Bozarjian says she felt a "sharp sting" and it caused her to pause during the live broadcast -- which you can see in the video.

The 23-year-old -- who was later outraged by the actions, calling them on social media "violating" and "embarrassing" -- says Callaway reached out to her station a few hours later to try to apologize ... and offered to come to the station to do it in person.

Bozarjian says she has not spoken to Callaway -- but the phone calls and messages were relayed to her.

For his part, 43-year-old Callaway has lawyered up -- and his attorney issued this statement.

"While we regret the situation, Mr. Callaway did not act with any criminal intentions."

Santa Claus doing lines of coke on your holiday sweater is NOT what Walmart's all about -- according to the big-box store, which is blaming Canada ... for the fashion blunder.

A sweater depicting a crazed Claus gripping a straw, getting ready to dive into 3 lines of cocaine was being peddled on Walmart's website. Once pissed-off shoppers pointed out the clear drug references ... the company pulled it from its online shelves and issued a mea culpa.

The excuse ... Walmart says the sweater was being sold in Canada by a third-party, adding the garment's message doesn't reflect their values. In other words, this one slipped through the cracks, and let's just blame the Great White North!

What Walmart can't explain away is the product description was reportedly pretty explicit: "The best snow comes straight from South America." And, if that's not enough, how about this phrasing -- "Santa really likes to savor the moment when he gets his hands on some quality, grade-A, Colombian snow."

Inappropriate? Yes. Kinda freakin' hilarious? Also yes. But, available at Walmart? That's a negative, Blow Snow Rider.

Brother Nature sure seemed ready to fight -- at least that's how the moments leading up to his dual-threat beatdown appear to have unfolded on surveillance footage.

TMZ got a hold of surveillance video taken at the Miami-based sandwich shop where BN was later pummeled twice over ... once in the parking lot, and again inside the restaurant. In this new footage, you can see Brother Nature initially confronting his two attackers.

As we reported ... Brother Nature was allegedly upset that he couldn't be served at his table, and tried griping about it to the shop's staff. We're told he then got in the face of one of his attackers -- who was supposedly filming him -- and you can see that interaction here.

Brother Nature is asked to leave by someone who works there, but not before some words are exchanged between him and these 2 guys who were also more than willing to brawl.

Fast-forward to the parking lot stomp-out ... which then spilled back into the eatery, where we're told BN stormed back in and allegedly socked somebody. It appears you can see that here in the surveillance video as well ... Brother Nature comes in and rushes the slimmer dude, seemingly trying to hit him, before his buddy scurries over and they team up.

The rest is pretty much history -- Brother Nature got walloped by the two dudes ... and by the time cops showed up, everybody had gone their separate ways.

A teenager in Texas got busted for carving his name into his girlfriend's head -- this after he allegedly beat her to a pulp.

The alleged scumbag is 19-year-old Jackub Hildreth, who was arrested and booked in San Antonio this weekend for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon ... having allegedly attacked his 22-year-old girlfriend on Thursday at an apartment complex in the area.

The alleged victim spoke with KSAT about the incident ... telling the outlet she thought she was going to die in the moment. According to the arrest affidavit, she reportedly told cops Hildreth held her by the neck and punched her 10 times after an argument escalated.

After that, she claims he used a knife to etch his name across her forehead ... and then fled the scene. We won't ID the woman, but it appears Hildreth has her name tattooed across his own face ... plus other scribblings. Kinda David McCall-esque, if you've seen "Fear."

BTW, the guy has a lengthy rap sheet in Bexar County too -- with warrants for past domestic violence charges and at least one other weapons charge. He's in jail on $75,000 bond.

Ryan Reynolds put his action hero skills to use this weekend in Brazil -- where he was almost flattened by a barricade that gave way to a massive swarm over overzealous fans.

The actor was in Sao Paulo Saturday for CCXP 2019, a comic con event which had some heavy hitters from the States on hand to plug their new movies. Ryan was promoting "Free Guy," while J.J. Abrams, Daisy Ridley and the rest of the 'Star Wars' crew were there to hype up 'The Rise of Skywalker.' MCU heads were there too ... a Disney love fest, basically.

Anyway, while Ryan was making his way down the stage platform, he hopped off to say hello to the front row fans ... seemingly wanting to shake hands and meet them face-to-face.

Well, that backfired pretty quickly ... because the barricade toppled over -- sending everyone who was reaching over straight to the ground ... and Ryan flying back himself. Gotta say, the dude's got great reflexes -- guess that's why they pay him the big bucks, huh?

All kidding aside ... it was a pretty freak moment that could've possibly injured Ryan. Good guy that he is though, he stuck around appeared to hop down and attempted to help. BTW, based on other videos, it looks like something similar happened on the other side as well.

No one seemed to be seriously injured in the ordeal, and the event reportedly carried on as scheduled. Still, a note to the tech crew ... get a stronger barriers, or move people back.

Clint Eastwood is apparently a dear to work with ... so says the director's latest leading man, Paul Walter Hauser.

We got the actor Saturday in NYC, and he dished on what it was like working with Clint on his new movie "Richard Jewell" -- which documents the scandal surrounding the real-life security guard who found a bomb ... and then got accused of being the drop man.

PWH says he had a great time on set with with Clint, telling us the dude's a straight up sweetheart -- an ego-less one that. Plus, he's a freakin' icon ... that's a given.

We also ask Paul if it was intimidating to work with someone of that caliber, and surprisingly ... he says it wasn't, even if it should've been. That's interesting, considering what more seasoned actors have said about CE, which is pretty much the exact opposite.

Tom Hanks famously said in 2016 that Clint "treats his actors like horses" in the sense that he wrangles everyone up as needed, and was seemingly a bit of a hard ass on set.

A banana duct taped to a wall -- which sold for over $100k on behalf of a renowned artist -- is now in the belly of another man ... but apparently, it's no big deal. We think ...

Performance artist David Datuna took the bold step Saturday afternoon of EATING the super expensive Musa plant down at the Art Basel gallery in Miami -- which an art collector in France recently bought for a whopping $120,000 from artist Maurizio Cattelan.

Datuna literally walked up and stripped the brown, aging banana from the wall it was taped to and peeled it open in front of lots of shocked onlookers ... who couldn't believe it.

On Instagram, he called his performance "Hungry Artist" and posted some aftermath footage of what appears to be gallery personnel sitting him down to take his info. Based on what we can tell, this is actually a no-no ... the banana is NOT supposed to be tampered with ... although the fruit itself is allowed to be replaced on a continuous basis as needed.

It's a little confusing, but basically ... the French art collector owns the "idea" of this art piece, so whether the banana itself sticks around or not doesn't affect its value. She still has the certificate of authenticity, so she's still got $120k worth of banana art to her name.

Still, it doesn't seem like the folks who work at the gallery were all too thrilled with Datuna's stunt. In footage of the incident -- obtained by TMZ -- you can hear Datuna joke about heading to jail ... but according to reports, the guy hasn't been arrested or charged with anything yet. We're told the gallery is considering pursuing a complaint though.

BTW, the banana has reportedly already been replaced. File this one under ... forbidden fruit.

All that controversy over the Peloton commercial critics are blasting for body-shaming just landed the star of it a hilarious new gig ... with Ryan Reynolds.

Monica Ruiz is the actress who plays the wife -- sorry, long-suffering wife to many -- in that Christmas gift themed fitness spot, but now she's also starring in an ad for Aviation Gin ... and it plays perfectly off all the Peloton buzz.

Based on the commercial ... the formerly spinning-crazed wife is now more interested in downing booze with her girls. The strong insinuation here is she's left the husband who "forced" her to get on the bike every day.

The ladies toast to "new beginnings" before the wife pounds her martini. One of her GFs even says, "You look great, by the way."

Of course, Aviation is Ryan's company ... and ya gotta hand it to his marketing team for capitalizing off the social media uproar over Peloton.

All the backlash against the Peloton has impacted the ad's actors -- Monica and her "hubby" Sean Hunter -- who've dodged interviews all week. Hunter did eventually speak out in "Psychology Today."

Leave it to Reynolds, though, to lighten the mood. He tweeted his company's commercial with the caption, "Exercise bike not included."

Raymond Santana -- one of the wrongfully convicted Central Park Five -- just got engaged to a reality star, and tells us it wouldn't have been possible without a little Instagram flirting.

Raymond was on "TMZ Live" Friday to give us the lowdown on his engagement to "Flavor of Love" star Deelishis, to whom he proposed on Thursday during a lunch date in ATL. Ray says he was pretty sly about it, dropping a faux attitude on his girl before he popped the question.

And, for all those thirsty folks on the 'Gram ... Raymond's here to tell you why shooting your shot can pay major dividends. The story of how he and Deelishis met is so 2019, ya gotta watch the clip. Dude's a romantic.

Of course, Ava DuvVernay's Netflix series "When They See Us" turned a spotlight on Raymond's story -- highlighting the injustice of his conviction for the brutal 1989 rape and beating of a female jogger in NYC.

We asked Raymond if he would accept an apology from former NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg for his administration's role in avoiding a settlement in the CP5's damage suit against the NYPD after their convictions were vacated.

You might recall ... Bloomberg avoided settling the case before leaving office, and Mayor Bill de Blasio's administration agreed in 2014 to pay the CP5 a settlement of more than $40 million.

The actor who played the husband in what some see as a "sexist" Peloton ad is afraid the backlash he's getting from keyboard warriors will have a negative impact on his career.

Sean Hunter is the man in the infamous holiday ad who gifts his wife a Peloton bike. When he's not acting he's an elementary school teacher ... and he's defending himself, and the controversial ad, in Psychology Today .. of all places.

Sean says initial reviews of his Peloton gig were mostly positive, but everything changed when the ad went viral. Now, his take is, "My 5 seconds of air time created an array of malicious feedback that is all associated with my face."

He adds, "My friend texted me today declaring that I’m ‘a symbol of the patriarchy' ... As my face continues to be screen shot online, I wonder what repercussions will come back to me."

Sean says he's "grappling with the negative opinions as none of them have been constructively helpful."

If it makes him feel better ... at least some of the memes about the ad have clearly been in jest -- and even comedian Sherri Shepherd had a laugh over it.

Anyways, the criticism is clearly doing a number on Sean, and he posed a laundry list of questions. "As I continue to reflect on the commercial, I consider these thoughts: Why are people creating so many additional narratives to the story? Am I allowed to view the commercial positively after receiving such negative feedback? If recognized on the street, what will people’s first opinions be of me?"

He also wonders if his "wife" in the ad is going through the same thing he is. For what it's worth, she's chosen to remain silent since all the buzz over the ad.

Guess Sean ain't buying Peloton's company line that folks actually like the ad.

Peloton is standing its ground on the controversial ad pushing the bike as a great Christmas gift for wives ... even in the face of all the backlash and mockery.

The company pushed back against those ridiculing the holiday commercial -- where a wife receives the bike as a present from her hubby and then documents her fitness journey. Peloton says it's bummed people took it the wrong way but insists there's no reason to yank the ad.

A rep for Peloton says, "Our holiday spot was created to celebrate that fitness and wellness journey. While we’re disappointed in how some have misinterpreted this commercial, we are encouraged by — and grateful for — the outpouring of support we’ve received from those who understand what we were trying to communicate."

Translation: Plenty of people like it. The ad stays.

The rep also said their members are constantly pointing out how much the product has changed their lives, especially when it arrives as a gift.

To hit their point home, Peloton also released a bunch of emails it's received in support of the ad.

Of course, not everybody agrees ... including Wall Street. Peloton's stock dropped as much as 6 percent Tuesday after the alleged "sexist" ad went into heavy rotation over the Thanksgiving weekend.

Some stars have weighed in on the controversy too ... including Sherri Shepherd, who raked the ad and any husband who thinks a fitness gift might be a good idea.

Interesting that in a time where companies tend to fold to public pressure, Peloton's holding firm.

Jason Derulo's got a problem most men would die for ... his penis is too big to post underwear pics on social media.

Jason just had his recent Instagram shot flaunting his manhood taken down for violating the platform's community guidelines on nudity and sexual activity ... and a Facebook spokesperson tells TMZ Jason's post got the heave-ho because it featured "aroused genitalia."

Glad we got to the bottom of that!!!

Jason's not taking the removal too kindly ... he says it's a double standard because women flaunt their bodies all over the 'gram. He points out he's covering his junk with underwear and says it's a clear example of discrimination because he can't help his size.

Dude may have a point ... we did some snooping and found a pic of The Game showing off his endowment in some nut huggers, and it's yet to be removed after over a year. Sorry bud, guess you ain't on Jason's level!!!

Andrew Yang celebrated opening a new office with a never before seen method in politics ... MUCH to the chagrin of his campaign manager.

The trending presidential candidate has stayed in the race with some unconventional ideas ... but this one takes the cake. He christened the new digs in New Hampshire by spraying whipped cream into the mouths of supporters on their knees.

To put it politically -- the optics are very interesting here.

Check out the vid ... the Yang fan in a MATH ("Make America Think Harder") hat clearly eggs on the Democratic hopeful, even insisting to Yang's resistant campaign manager, Zach Graumann, that the questionable celebration is "just a joke."

Andrew gleefully partakes, but then makes the jaw-dropping display even more baffling by declaring ... "That's a full-service presidential candidate!"

Yang goes on to say the whipped cream shot is how you open an office in style, then sprays it into the mouth of ANOTHER kneeling supporter ... before Graumann pulls him away.

Here's a video that'll hit ya in the feels ...

A little Saquon Barkley fan who was snubbed by a Dallas Cowboys superstar a couple months ago finally got to meet his NY Giants idol -- and the hangout brought the kid to tears!

If you missed it ... back on Sept. 8, 11-year-old Kamil Bautista tried to ask Demarcus Lawrence for an autograph after the Giants-Cowboys game in Dallas.

But, D-Law wasn't having any of it 'cause of the Barkley jersey Kamil was wearing ... and the Cowboys star straight-up told the kid as he was walking away, "Get the right jersey, son!"

The video immediately went viral ... and when Barkley saw the snub -- he flew Kamil and his family out from Texas to New York for a game!!

The Bautistas got the VIP treatment -- sideline passes, autographs and all the hook-ups -- but the best moment was clearly Kamil's first time hanging with Barkley.

Watch the vid, Saquon is SUPER nice ... and it actually makes Kamil cry!!

After the game, the two linked up again ... with Barkley signing a few things for the kid and taking a cool picture.

As for the outcome of the night, the Giants ended up losing to the Jets ... but Kamil's father tells TMZ Sports, "Our Giants are not doing that great this year but we support them 100000% all the time from South Texas!"