You Might Want to Rethink

Jadson Andre is one of the TOP surfers in the world ... he's also one of the best farters in the world -- telling TMZ Sports he once ripped off 48 ass blasts ... IN ONE NIGHT!!!

Andre was loading up his boards at LAX -- when one of his friends played us the audio from his legendary session ... and Andre totally owned up to it.

For the record, Andre's pre-fart meal ... beans.

#TheMusicalFruit

Tooth fairy better pay EXTRA for this one ...

Here's video of retired U.S. Olympic athlete Bryan Clay -- who took gold in the decathlon in 2008 -- helping his daughter Ellie remove a loose tooth ... by tying it to a javelin!!!!

The footage is crazy ... Clay launches the javelin .. tooth goes flying out of Ellie's mouth ... then, blood.

Charlie Sheen has a message for MLB superstar (and recovering substance abuser) Josh Hamilton -- "F**k AA" ... have a drink and go hit some bombs."

Sheen is FURIOUS at the Los Angeles Angels for the way they treated the embattled slugger -- claiming they did him dirty by trading him to the Rangers after admitting drug use.

Now, Sheen isn't just blasting the team -- but the whole concept of Alcoholics Anonymous altogether ... with a scathing new message on Twitter.

"Dear Josh Hamilton, How you are being treated by the 'Devils' is shameful. F*ck AA. Have a drink and go hit some bombs!"

We're gonna guess AA is going to respectfully disagree with Mr. Sheen's position. We're calling 'em for comment -- stay tuned.

12:00 PM PST -- AA says it does not comment on statements made by individuals ... and will not respond to Sheen.

Britney Spears' bum ankle kept her from performing Friday and Saturday night in Las Vegas, but it didn't keep her from playing beach football on Sunday!

Brit ditched the soft cast she had on her left ankle on Friday -- and hit the sand in Malibu to toss around the ol' pigskin with bf Charlie Ebersol.

After rolling her ankle Wednesday night, Brit cancelled her weekend shows, per doctor's orders.

Just a guess, but beach football probably was NOT what the doc ordered.

Kylie Jenner did her dad no favors by posting a pic she took of herself driving on an L.A. freeway ... at the same time Bruce is under investigation for a fatal car accident he caused by being inattentive.

The 17-year-old posted the POV shot Sunday -- bragging about her Calabasas roots and adding, "I'll probably die here." Considering her dad's situation ... the freeway pic could be taken another way.

Kylie's driving decisions should have absolutely nothing to do with Bruce, but the reality is ... prosecutors go after people for all sorts of reasons, and one involves sending messages. If the D.A. thinks the whole family flaunts the laws of the road, it can't be good for Bruce.

And don't forget, she's already being sued for a car accident she allegedly caused just a few weeks after getting her license.

Bottom line -- this is not a good look.

"Walking Dead" star Chad L. Coleman regrets causing a scene on a NYC subway Friday, but stands by his message.

Coleman tells us, he had a lot of "built up frustration" because of the Baltimore situation and just lost it when someone on the train used the "n" word in referring to him. The guy's friend said she recognized Coleman, and he responded by saying, "No, we don't know that n*****."

Coleman insists he was not drunk during the rant, but adds he's not proud he couldn't control his emotions.

The folks at Shibuya Sushi have cojones the size of Kim Kardashian's butt cheeks ... because they had the chutzpah to make KK and Kanye West sit outside and actually WAIT FOR A TABLE. The humanity!!!

The couple stopped off in Calabasas after Kim's appearance on "Jimmy Kimmel Live" ... thinking they'd be able to grab a quick bite to eat. But the restaurant was full and Kimye was forced to hit the bench out front and wait ... for a whopping 30 minutes!

To add insult to injury, when they finally got seated ... it was at a table by the window which ain't great when you're photographed as much as they are.

FYI ... Shibuya Sushi is very well-reviewed on Yelp, but these pics are the best advertising ever.

Didn't take long for Jameis Winston to make his first NFL mistake -- deleting his crab leg celebration pic from Instagram hours after he posted it .... and we're guessing he was INSTRUCTED to get rid of it.

In case you didn't see it, Jameis posted a pic showing him eating a big ol' plate of crab legs -- clearly mocking his whole shoplifting arrest thing from last year.

But just like that, it was gone.

BTW -- the timing of the pic is interesting since the NCAA has relaunched an investigation into the incident ... since Winston claims he had a "hook up" at Publix that gave him free food.

Mike Tyson just WENT OFF on Floyd Mayweather -- saying he's "delusional" for comparing himself to Muhammad Ali ... and called him a "little scared man."

Tyson was doing an interview with the Undisputed Champion Network -- when he was asked about Floyd's claim that he's truly the "greatest" of all time.

Clearly, that set Tyson off ... who proceeded to explain why greatness isn't solely defined in the ring.

Long story short, Tyson says Floyd's just a "small scared man" ... who's so afraid for his own safety in public that he can't take his kids to school without a security team.

"Greatness is not guarding yourself from the people, greatness is being accepted by the people."

Laila Ali has a message for Floyd Mayweather -- just because you THINK you're the "greatest," doesn't make it true!

Ali was leaving LAX yesterday when she told us she's not mad at Floyd for BELIEVING he's the best boxer of all time -- in fact, she respects his mentality -- but at the end of the day, he's just wrong.

There's more ... we also asked Laila if there's ANY chance she'll ever get into the ring for a mega-fight with UFC superstar Ronda Rousey.

Cecily Strong went in HARD on President Obama and the Secret Service with an envelope-pushing joke about cops killing black men -- and she did it just miles from the Baltimore riots over that very issue.

Cecily hosted the White House Correspondents Dinner on Saturday night, and got the biggest reaction from the room when she said the Secret Service is "the only law enforcement agency in the country that will get in trouble if a black man gets shot."

The crowd was still gasping when she unleashed another racially charged follow-up.

Around the same time -- 30 miles outside the Beltway -- the Baltimore riots over Freddie Gray's death in police custody turned so violent police told Orioles fans to stay inside the stadium after the game.

We're guessing Cecily's jokes were written long before Baltimore erupted -- still, it was front page news all day leading up to the WHCD. So, we gotta ask ...

Kris Humphries seemed pretty clear about Bruce Jenner when he said last night he got outta Dodge just in time, but he says he's now apologizing for being "vague."

Humphries -- who was married to Kim Kardashian and then fought the divorce tooth and nail -- tweeted last night, "Man, I'm glad I got out when I did #gottadoyou."

He just tweeted again, "I have and always will support Bruce hence #gottadoyou. Now recognize I was too vague and sincerely apologize for the way this came across."

Mila Kunis is calling chickens**t on the Ukrainian woman who claims the actress stole her beloved chicken, Doggie, a quarter century ago back in the old country.

With a little prompting from Ashton Kutcher, Mila says she was "devastated," and "weeping" after finding out Kristina Karo was suing her for $5,000 for emotional distress and therapy bills.

Mila and Ashton hilariously question the timing ... Karo is filing suit as she tries to hawk a music video.

For her part, Mila's contemplating a countersuit because the music video 'burned her eyes and hurt her body.'

If the judge would make the countersuit a class action, we'll gladly join.

By the way ... you should check out Karo on TMZ Live, unless you're chicken.

Either Jameis Winston lied to cops ... or he's lying now ... because his story about why he took crab legs from Publix has radically changed ... so says reps for the grocery store.

TMZ Sports spoke with a rep for the market ... who tells us they heard Jameis' explanation for the crab leg theft on ESPN, but insist his story isn't adding up.

FYI -- Winston appeared on the docuseries "Draft Academy" last night and said a Publix employee had "hooked him up" with a free birthday cake in the past and had promised more free stuff the next time Winston came into the market. That's why he claims he took the crab legs without paying.

But Publix says ... after the 2014 arrest, they launched an internal investigation and "never came across any evidence that suggests there was an arrangement that Mr. Winston or any other FSU athlete had with an employee."

There's more ... Publix also points out that when Winston was busted, he told police he had simply "forgot" to pay for the crab and didn't realize the mistake until he got home.

The rep for Publix continues ... "If Mr. Winston has new information about a person he had a deal with, we'd be happy to reopen the investigation."

Blac Chyna has gone all high school on Kylie Jenner, posting a cartoonish pic of herself mocking the lip challenge of her nemesis.

Tyga must be chuckling ... his baby mama and current "girlfriend" embroiled in a lip lock.

Lindsay Lohan had her own little donkey show on Instagram today -- when she tried to be inspirational ... and came out looking like an ass.

In an effort to look worldly and wise, Lohan posted one of those "inspirational quotes" in Arabic ... along with the caption, "You're beautiful."

Problem is ... the actual translation is, "You're a donkey."

As The Main Ingredient would say ... "Everybody plays the mule ... sometimes."

#MulePuns #IPitytheMule #MuleIntentions #DontBeMule #FerrisMulersDayOff #EdwardRBurro