Humor

Jennifer Lopez let her two most famous exes have it on the radio recently -- HARD -- and it's hilarious.

J.Lo stopped by Big Boy in the Morning in L.A. Friday -- and Big Boy asked her a fantastic question ... if she were floating on a raft in the ocean -- a raft that only fit 2 -- and came across Diddy and Ben Affleck, which one would she save?

Add Dave Chappelle to the list of people in awe of Johnny Carson's sex tape ... especially after we broke it down -- inch by inch -- for him last night.

Dave was actually in total disbelief when we told him about Carson's videotaped sex romp outside DBA nightclub in West Hollywood.

But you gotta see his face and hear his reaction when we tell him just how #blessed Carson was -- 10 inches by some reports.

"Darren Sharper" is apparently becoming a slang term for raping a woman ... at least according to Arizona Cardinals defensive stud Darnell Dockett.

The 3-time Pro Bowler went on Twitter the other day and spelled it out ... writing:

"My boy just said 'Man I saw a girl so bad today I wish I had that DS for her.' I said what's DS? He said that Darren sharper."

Sharper has been charged with drugging and raping 2 women in Los Angeles ... and he's facing similar allegations in 4 other states, including Arizona.

One guy gave Dockett the "too soon" treatment on Twitter. What do you think?

Blink and you'll miss it ... but when we asked comedian Bill Bellamy about the best celebrity basketball players he's seen, check out the surprise in his voice when he brings up a white guy.

Bellamy drops the words "actually good" before mentioning the guy's name (hint: he's part owner of an NBA team) and there's some definite subtle reverse racism in the way he says it.

Tony Hawk is sorry ... he's sorry that some people were actually STUPID ENOUGH to believe his obviously phony hoverboard commercial was real.

Of course, hours after the video was released, it was exposed as a gag clip for 'FunnyOrDie.com" -- but apparently, not everyone was hip to the hoax.

"I wanna apologize for the hoverboard prank," Hawk said in a new video ... "I thought it was obvious it was fake but a lot of people believed it."

Khloe Kardashian got juiced by OJ ... or so she says ... unless she was kidding.

Khloe guest hosted "Chelsea Lately" Wednesday when she dropped an apocryphal bombshell, telling the audience she "f*****" OJ Simpson.

It seemed like a joke, because she said it on the heels of grousing about false tabloid rumors. But then she said, "because I did f*** him once."

Khloe was 10 during the trial. She was 24 when OJ finally got a dose of justice and landed in prison for kidnapping.

THIS. IS. FUNNY!!!!

'Memba when Nets player Andray Blatche was shuttin' down that big-assed woman in Bev Hills last week?? Well, Lakers star Nick Young sure does ... and last night, he REENACTED the whole scene.

Young was out in front of the Roosevelt Hotel when he brought up the TMZ Sports video featuring a drunken Blatche trying to duck a thirsty jock-chaser like his life depended on it.

So, in an obvious tribute to his former Washington Wizards teammate ... Young and a friend acted out the moment right in the street -- it's pretty damn hilarious.

Ya gotta watch the clip.

Robert Lopez struck a pose that said ... "SUCK IT" ... right after his Oscar win put him in an exclusive club with the likes of Mel Brooks and Whoopi Goldberg.

Gotta love the bravado ... Lopez flashed his big swinging statuette to reporters and photogs backstage shortly after he and his wife won the Oscar for Original Song for "Let It Go" from "Frozen."

Robert's got reason to brag ... he's now one of 12 people to ever earn the elusive EGOT -- winning an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, and Tony -- and he did it in 10 years ... way faster than anyone else.

Liza Minnelli didn't like the joke Ellen DeGeneres cracked about her at the Oscars ... suggesting she was actually a drag queen.

Liza and a male companion hit up Craig's restaurant in West Hollywood Monday night ... and Liza made it clear -- Ellen's joke backfired big time.

Liza's note to Ellen: She should have stopped and acknowledged they were friends, but instead Ellen blew through to the next joke, so it sounded mean.

But Liza says she's sure Ellen was filled with the best of intentions.

George Lopez says revenge is a dish best served drunk ... or at least something like that.

Lopez took the stage at Caesars Windsor Friday night in Canada -- just one day after getting arrested for public intoxication at the same hotel -- and candidly spoke about his arrest.

The comedian opened the show saying, "I just did in Windsor, what Justin Bieber does in America" ... then told the audience he took 52 shots before passing out in the bar of the hotel the night before.

One thing George makes very clear throughout his gig ... the arrest didn't cramp his style.

Eh, take that Canada!

Kevin Hart SCORED A GOAL on one of the best soccer goalies in the world the other day ... and it was all caught on video ... which is great, because Kev's celebration was HILARIOUS!

Hart was at the Manchester City training center out in England when goalkeeper Joe Hart agreed to allow the funnyman to take a 1-on-1 penalty shot against him.

FYI -- Joe Hart plays for the English National Team and is considered one of the best players on the planet.

Shockingly, Kev scored ... and went BONKERS ... screaming like a 13-year-old girl and dancing around like he just won the Super Bowl.

Seth Rogen testified before a Senate subcommittee Wednesday and pledged allegiance -- to "House of Cards."

Seth went to Capitol Hill to voice his support for legislation to increase funding for Alzheimer's research. Seth's mother-in-law suffers from the disease.

By congressional standards, Seth was hilarious ... and a little too hip for the room.

Safe to say Senator Tom Harkin, Chairman of the Senate Appropriations subcommittee, is not a big fan of "Knocked Up" ... but he was clearly amused.

Check out the video. Pretty funny.

Sam Champion just put weathermen on par with doctors, because hey ... sometimes ya guess right, sometimes ya guess wrong.

The Weather Channel anchor was flashing leg this morning in NYC -- shorts WITH a puffy jacket -- when we asked him to defend his profession against critics who say they only get it right about 50% of the time.

Watch this clip for 2 great things:
- Sam's bold comparison of meteorology to life-saving physicians
- Sam's offer to buy our camera guy a cup of coffee

It's pretty hysterical ... because that 2nd one just sparked rumors in NYC that our camera guy is dating Sam -- another pap actually shot them inside Starbucks.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. tells TMZ Sports ... he celebrated his big Daytona 500 victory by boozin' with his team 'til around 4AM -- so why isn't he a hungover mess this morning??? Simple. He followed the cardinal drinking rule.

You know how it goes ...

"Beer before liquor, never been sicker.
... Liquor before beer, you're in the clear."

Dale Jr. was out in NYC yesterday and told us he abides by the code -- usually startin' with some Jim Beam before switchin' to suds.

*Warning -- cardinal drinking rule does not always work. Booze with caution*

Terrell Owens was ROASTED at a charity event in Philadelphia last night ... and NOTHING was off-limits ... including his child-support issues, divorce and financial problems, TMZ Sports has learned.

The whole thing started off with some jokes about how broke he is ... with Brent Celek's ex-wife Susie Celek, along with Jon Dorenbos' wife Julie, taking shots.

-- "Since Jerry Rice doesn't need any money and T.O. is officially out of food stamps, let's get this thing underway!!!"

-- "Tonight, these people are gonna make fun of you. They're gonna say you're desperate and washed up and a cry baby ... Don't listen to them T.O., they're just bitter and jealous and RIGHT."

We're told Owens spent most of the evening playing on his cell phone while various people tried to make fun of him ... that is until comic Joe Conklin called him out in front of the crowd.

"Pay attention T.O. ... 'cause you're sure as hell not paying child support."

Conklin went on to roast about T.O.'s habit of impregnating just about everyone he meets -- "Now I see why you got the hamburger commercial, because the condom commercial fell through."

No one can explain how the first 'Sharknado' became such a HUGE hit last year -- but now that we've seen Ian Ziering shooting the first scenes of the sequel in NYC ...

Ummm.