Weird News

After a comedy show in L.A. last night -- the gas master showed us a new iPhone app called "Fart Battles" -- in which flatulent fighters wage war by recording their own ass-music ... and then sending it to each other.

Sources close to the actor tell TMZ, Leo picked up the 10-year-old Sulcata tortoise at the North American Reptile Breeders Conference and Trade Show in Anaheim, CA over the weekend -- which he attended with fellow "Inception" star Lukas Haas -- and get this ... the animal can live to be 80 years old!

According to sources, Leo called a California pet store that specializes in rare reptiles and requested the tortoise one day before he picked it up. We're told the tortoise ran Leo a cool $400.

We're told Leo asked for the biggest tortoise they had -- a 38-pounder -- but according to experts, Sulcatas can grow to weigh 200 pounds.

Back in 2001, Kat Von D -- a famous celebrity tattoo artist -- was asked to ink a permanent image of Sandra's face onto the chest of one of her male clients who happened to be a huge fan of "Speed."

So there you have it -- Kat Von D is now dating the ex-husband of a person she once tattooed on a total stranger.

How's that for full circle?

Police in Barrington, Illinois confirm Kristin's mom -- Judith Spies (that's her mug shot above) -- was pulled over at a DUI checkpoint at 2:15 AM late last month. Law enforcement sources tell us Kristin was riding shotgun at the time, and apparently she was a pretty hungry passenger.

We're told Kristin insisted on fleeing to a nearby Subway and yelled at cops to get her water while Mom went through field sobriety testing with officers. As one source put it, "Subway might be open in 'The Hills' but not here in Barrington at 2 AM."

Judith was arrested for DUI. Police say her car was impounded since Kristin admitted being drunk and couldn't drive.

We're told Kristin did not play the "do you know who I am?" card ... impressive since she's rumored to be dating Chicago Bears QB Jay Cutler -- and we know how much Chicago loves Da Bears.

TMZ has obtained pictures of Biebs, 16, and Smith, 12, in action at the Lucky Strike Lanes & Lounge on Tuesday night ... following their concert at Madison Square Garden.

We're told the dynamic duo got down to Kevin Rudolf's song "You Make the Rain Fall" -- and the whole thing was captured on tape by Bieber's documentary crew.

Kanye posted nearly 100 tweets in a little over two hours. It started innocently enough with: "Man I love Twitter... I've always been at the mercy of the press but no more... The media tried to demonize me."

Then it moved on to: "Remember in Anchor Man when Ron Burgandy cursed on air and the entire city turned on him? But this wasn't a joke. This was & is my real life."

And: "People tweeted that they wish I was dead... No listen. They wanted me to die people. I carry that. I smile and take pictures through that."

Then he finally brought up Taylor: "I wrote a song for Taylor Swift that's so beautiful and I want her to have it. If she won't take it then I'll perform it for her."

Later: "When I woke up from the crazy nightmare I looked in the mirror and said GROW UP KANYE ... I take the responsibility for my actions ... I am not a bad person. Even in that moment I was only trying to do good but people don't always need my help ... Beyonce didn't need that. MTV didn't need that and Taylor and her family friends and fans definitely didn't want or need that."

After several more it ended with, "I'm sorry Taylor."

Kanye has gone Twitter silent since then.

BSB's rep tells TMZ, A.J. -- who was recently diagnosed with the leaky eye infection -- is "doing fine" ... and the band's current tour will go on as scheduled.

As for the other guys -- we're told the rest of the band was inspected by a doctor as soon as they discovered A.J.'s pus problem ... and they all tested negative.

** WARNING -- THIS IS PRETTY RACY STUFF **

Sources tell TMZ the "Jersey Shore" money machine scored a $400,000 signing bonus to be the spokesman for a vodka company called Devotion.

But this ain't no ordinary booze -- Devotion contains a clear protein called Casein ... which can support an increase in lean body mass and a decrease in body fat if the user is also on some sort of weight training program.

We're told The Sitch's brother, Marc Sorrentino, brokered the deal through the company they run together, MPS Entertainment.

TMZ has obtained Weezy's food order from last month -- which shows that, in addition to the munchies (including the dreaded Beefsticks), the rapper purchased 20 sets of stamps and envelopes. Who wouldn't love a handwritten note from Lil Wayne?

The guys behind the movie -- a semi-biopic about the first Internet porn moguls -- tell TMZ the orgy scene would have pushed the R-rated film into "NC-17" territory ... so they simply dropped it.

Our spies in North Carolina tell us Hough was in town for her birthday dinner at a Morton's steak house the other night with a bunch of friends ... and at one point during the meal, she was asked, "How did you and Ryan get together?"

Julianne responded, "He was after me since I was 18 ... he totally wasn't my type ... I thought he was gay."

But Hough continued, "After a few years, he was persistent ... so I went out with him on a date and I realized how much I liked him."

We're told Ryan and Julianne have been together for a couple of months.

Law enforcement sources tell us the jail is all prepared for Lindsay's arrival -- where she'll be staying in her own cell ... in a special module where solitary inmates are held.

We're told Lindsay will not be allowed to interact with other inmates while she's inside her cell -- which could be as much as 20 hours per day. She will be allowed to exercise three times per week.

As far as her diet, we're told Lindsay will get two cold meals and one hot meal every day. Today, inmates had chicken stir fry for lunch ... so it's not too bad.