Eva Mendes My Week Sucks ... How's Yours, Officer?

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Eva Mendes has had a bad week ... first rumors she's split from the best looking guy on the planet, and now she gets stopped for talking on her cell phone ... and the most humiliating part -- by a bike cop.

Eva was tooling around L.A. -- we're guessing talking to someone about Ryan Gosling -- when a bike cop spotted her and wrote her up.

Eva's the latest victim of L.A. traffic snarl. You just can't get away anymore.

The good news ... she apparently talked her way out of the ticket, because cops tell us they have no record of a citation.

The power of Ryan Gosling.

Justin Bieber What's In the Water Bottle?

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While Justin Bieber strapped on his best hip-hop inspired accessories to hang with rap royalty Wednesday night -- one particular piece of flare seems to stick out ... the mysterious green inside his water bottle.

After posting pics of the underage Bieb's keeping his cool while hanging around dozens of bottles of booze at Diddy's shin-dig at Vanquish nightclub in Atlanta -- we noticed Justin's water bottle had something inside other than H20.

The rest of the A-list entourage enjoyed a neon yellow cocktail that could have easily been poured into Justin's clear water bottle.

Unless you're at the Sochi Olympics -- this water doesn't look normal. So what is it?

Sportscaster Sex Tape Jayne Kennedy's Ex-Hubby Suing I Didn't Leak Our Sex Tape!!

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Leon Kennedy -- who co-starred in a real life sex tape with legendary sportscaster Jayne Kennedy back in the '80s -- is suing the people behind Ebony magazine claiming they falsely ID'd him as the man who leaked the infamous XXX footage to the media.

In case you're unaware, the sex tape featuring Leon and Jayne is widely considered the grand-daddy of the celebrity sex tape ... since Leon was a big actor at the time (starring in a ton of blaxploitation flicks) and Jayne was a commentator on "NFL Today."

They divorced in the early '80s ... and years later, the sex tape mysteriously surfaced (you can still find the footage online ... it's super grainy).

Recently, Ebony magazine published an article in which Leon claims he was wrongly fingered as the source of the leak.

Leon -- now an ordained minister who preaches around the globe -- is furious claiming the mag straight up lied when it wrote that he "viciously leaked" the tape. He insists the tape was stolen by an unidentified 3rd party and distributed without consent from Leon or Jayne.

Now, Leon is now gearing up to file a lawsuit against Ebony ... and he's out for blood.

Leon says the story has damaged him both professionally and emotionally -- and now, he wants more than $1 MILLION to make things right ... including $4,546.05 for out of pocket medical expenses caused by stress and anxiety from the article.

We reached out to Ebony magazine -- but were unable to reach anyone for comment.

Diddy Possible Instagram Proposal to Longtime GF

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File this under cheapest proposal ever -- Diddy (who's worth a reported $580 million) may have popped the question to his longtime GF Cassie ... on Instagram.

Granted, the rock is roughly the size of Pluto ... but rather than renting out a baseball stadium and proposing in front of an orchestra, Diddy posted a photo of the ring on Instagram for his 3.2 million followers.

Along with the photo, he wrote the caption: "Baby do you like it? I just want to get you wat you Like! I just wanna Mk you smile :)" Cassie (who's been dating Diddy since 2007) responded, "It's perfect!"

Hours later, Keyshia Cole posted a photo of Cassie showing off the rock ... it's enormous ... but we still gotta ask ...

Woody Allen My Daughter's a Liar I Didn't Molest her

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Woody Allen is about to come out swinging against his adopted daughter, who accused him of molesting her when she was a little girl.

Woody's rep just said Woody is about to explain why Dylan Farrow is a liar, when she claims he abused her when she was 7 ... among other things, allegedly taking her in the attic and sticking his face in her crotch.

The rep says, "Mr. Allen has read the article and found it untrue and disgraceful. He will be responding very soon."

Stay tuned.

Woody Allen Gets Phone-y When Asked About Molestation Claim

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Woody Allen fumbled with his phone on his way out of a Knicks game Saturday night ... pretending a photog was not asking him about his adopted daughter's claims he molested her when she was a little girl.

Woody was leaving Madison Square Garden with his daughter Manzie Tio ... just hours after Dylan Farrow unloaded on him by saying he took her to their attic and violated her when she was 7.

Woody mutters something to his family as the photog persists, but never acknowledges him.

So far, none of Woody's co-stars have reacted to Dylan's latest, detailed accusations.

'Housewives' Star Ramona Singer Divorcing After Cheating Claims I Want BOTH Houses!

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"Real Housewives of New York" star Ramona Singer has filed for divorce ... and judging from her legal docs she's out for blood in the wake of rumors her hubby cheated on her.

According to legal docs -- obtained by TMZ -- Ramona wants ALL of their houses -- an apartment in NYC and a house in the ritzy Hamptons.

Earlier this week Ramona called 911 for a domestic dispute after she claimed to have found Mario -- her husband of more than 2 decades -- in the house with another woman.

Ramona says the marriage is irretrievably broken ... and says it's been that way for at least 6 months.

The couple has one daughter ... who is 18.

Larry Fitzgerald I'm Unaware of Patriots Trade Rumors Says WR (Who's Probably Lying)

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Larry Fitzgerald tells TMZ Sports he knows ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about reports that the New England Patriots wanted to trade for him in 2013 ... then again, Larry's probably lying.

The Arizona Cardinals star was heading into W.i.P. nightclub in NYC last night ... when we asked about the rumors dominating the headlines -- that Bill Belichick was "interested in dealing" for Larry during the season.

"I haven't heard anything about that," Larry told us.

Yeah ... right.

We also asked Larry if he'd be satisfied finishing his career in AZ ... where he's played for his entire career.

Check out the clip -- not exactly a ringing endorsement.

'Vanderpump Rules' Stars Violent TV Catfight Was REAL

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The bitchfight on this week's episode of "Vanderpump Rules" was not just reality TV BS ... we've learned one of the stars ran to the cops afterward ... fingering her castmate.

Stassi Schroeder
accuses Kristen Doute of sleeping with her ex-boyfriend ... calling her a "dirty f**king whore" ... then hauling off and smacking Kristen in the face. She also douses Kristen with a drink -- while the rest of the cast looks on.

The fight was not scripted ... and Kristen was so enraged she was gunning to get Stassi prosecuted and filed a police report.

But we found out the criminal case hit a dead end ... cops needed a follow-up interview but Kristen was uncooperative.

Lisa Vanderpump -- who employs both Stassi and Kristen at her restaurant -- tells TMZ the women have since made up telling us, "I know that Stassi was very sorry and regretted it. I made Stassi apologize to Kristen and hope that they could move forward."

Now everyone can be their bitchy selves again.

Chantel Jeffries Life with Justin Bieber Sucks And I Didn't Stab Anyone

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Justin Bieber's new chick is pissed about reports claiming she has a string of arrests in her past ... and has one big regret about hanging with Bieber in Miami and Panama -- it's exposed her life to the world ... warts and all.

Chantel Jeffries -- who was in the Lambo the night Justin was cuffed -- tells TMZ, "I have not been arrested five times as has been stated in the media, nor am I guilty of physically assaulting anyone, in any way shape or form."

A NY newspaper reported 21-year-old Chantel has a lengthy rap sheet, including busts for assault with a deadly weapon (a knife) and reckless driving -- 92 mph in a 70.

Her attorney Matt Morgan tells us ... Chantel was arrested when she was 18 for a misdemeanor assault, but it was ultimately dismissed due to insufficient evidence. Other than that, he says she's only had "traffic violations."

Chantel also denies being thirsty for publicity, saying ... "I am a full time student who had enjoyed a normal lifestyle, free from public scrutiny and criticism, until now.

She adds, "What has happened to me is wrong."

Presumably Chantel means the media attention, and NOT ... joyriding in a Lamborghini, and flying by private jet to a Panamanian resort with an international superstar.

T.I. & Tiny We're Not Splitting Up

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T.I. and his wife Tiny are NOT calling it quits after 3 years of marriage ... despite reports to the contrary ... the rapper tells TMZ.

Rumors circulated like crazy after T.I. was a no-show at the Grammys and he and Tiny partied separately afterward.

T.I. tells us yeah, there was a big argument, but it was over something pretty stupid. Tiny wanted to walk the Grammy red carpet and watch the show but T.I. wanted none of it. He says they angrily challenged each other on who would end up having more fun that night.

T.I. says the next morning ... they mended fences.

Beyonce Cuts Kelly Out of the Picture

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Beyonce has cut Kelly Rowland out of her life -- and it was truly the unkindest cut of all.

Check out this photo (above) Beyonce posted on Instagram last night ... in honor of Aaliyah's 35th birthday.

But here's what you don't see ... Kelly Rowland ... who was in the pic when it was snapped in 2001 at the MTV Movie Awards, mere months before Aaliyah was killed in a plane crash.

Kelly posted the original photo on Instagram hours before Beyonce. Then Beyonce reposted it in black and white, completely cropping Kelly out of the pic ... and putting herself smack in the middle of the shot.

So we gotta ask ...

Justin Bieber WON'T BE DEPORTED Even If He's a Felon

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Justin Bieber could go to prison for years -- very worst case scenario -- for his egg vandalism ... but he will NOT be deported to Canada.

There are stories circulating that the stakes are high for Bieber -- as in getting thrown out of the U.S.

Simply not true. The law is clear. In order to be deported for a crime, the offender must commit what is called an "aggravated" offense. The law lists the various offenses, including:

-- possession of explosive materials or firearms
-- possession of child porn
-- illicit drug trafficking
-- alien smuggling
-- threats against the President
-- Sabotage or treason

Eggs are not on the list.

There is one catch-all -- crimes involving "moral turpitude." But that's defined as crimes that shock the public conscience. Egging just doesn't cut it.

'Seinfeld' Jerry and George Reunited at Tom's Restaurant

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Jerry Seinfeld and Jason Alexander reunited Monday for a SECRET project ... inside the famous diner where Jerry, George, Elaine and Kramer dished about nothing.

Someone on the crew told our photog Jerry and Jason -- and possibly Larry David, who was also there -- were filming a Super Bowl commercial.

But another crew guy said the shoot was for an episode of Jerry's webshow "Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee" -- but that guy got kinda hinky when we pressed him about the Super Bowl. If we had to bet, our money is on Super Bowl.

Jerry left through the front but was mum ... Jason and Larry snuck out of the side door.

No puffy shirts were spotted.

Charlie Sheen I Was JOKING About Porn Star Marriage To Stroke Out My Ex-Wife

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Charlie Sheen did NOT actually tie the knot with his ex-porn star GF Brett Rossi over the weekend -- despite tweeting he did -- Sheen tells TMZ, he was just joking ... in a humorous attempt to incapacitate his ex-wife.

The Warlock sent the tweet Sunday from Iceland, including the photo, saying, "This is the house ware M Gorbachev R Reagan did some epic. it's also where S and I GOT MARRIED!"

But Sheen tells us, the tweet was all in jest ... "I wanted to give Denise [Richards] a stroke!!!"

As we reported, relations have been strained between Charlie and Denise recently. Charlie accused Denise of refusing to allow their daughters to open Christmas gifts at his house over the holidays, calling her a heartless ugly hag. Denise denied the accusation.

But not all of Charlie's recent tweets were a joke -- we're told the forearm tattoo he dedicated to Brett and his children is 100% real. Each letter stands for one of Charlie's children: Max, Lola, Bob, Cassandra, Sam, and Denise's adopted daughter Eloise. The safety pin symbolizes Brett.

Justin Bieber I Still Sorta Love Selena Gomez

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Just days after segwaying together ... Justin Bieber conceded he's still kinda in love with Selena Gomez -- and in a clear sign they're banging again -- J.B. posted the pic online.

In the picture, Justin flashes his signature blank stare and says, "Love the way you look at me" ... while Selena cuddles him from behind with a one arm hug.

As we previously reported ... Selena hadn't been spotted with JB for months until earlier this week.

Every woman learns -- you can't resist the Biebs.