Humor

Bill Maher went after Donald Trump in the most personal way Friday night, but this was way more political than it is salacious. We will explain.

Bill mused, with the hundreds of books that have been written about Trump, no one has cracked the mystery ... who is he banging? As he says, Trump's been a dog all of his adult life, talking about how powerful people could simply grab a woman by the p***y and have his way. Bill's convinced Trump hasn't changed his ways, yet no one has addressed it.

Bill quickly rules out Melania, so then who?

Now here's the deal. The "Real Time" host is really not that interested in D.T.'s love life, and here's how we know. Toward the end, Maher suggests another theory ... Trump has the desire but not the ability, because he's impotent.

Now on the surface this may sound like high school humor, but that misses the point ... Bill knows Trump is as braggadocious as they come -- no pun intended -- and he will find it irresistible to defend his "manhood."

When you think about it, exactly how does Trump answer? Bill has put Trump in a box.  Again ...

Nas and Jay-Z arguably participated in hip hop's most publicized beef as far as the music goes ... but 20 years later, it's nothing but LOLs between the 2 rap greats.

On Nas' new album, "King's Disease III," he revisits their bitter diss tracks via the song "Thun" where he raps ... "No beef or rivals, they playing 'Ether' on TIDAL / Brothers can do anything when they decide to / In a Range Rover, dissecting bars from 'Takeover' / Sometimes I text Hova like, 'N****, this ain't over ... laughing!"

Jay dropped "Takeover" on his 2001 classic album "The Blueprint" and accused Nas of falling off while Nas returned fire with "Ether," which was an early precursor for pretty much what we know now as dragging someone on social media.

Jay sold off his TIDAL ownership last year for more than $300 million but the master copy of "Ether" lives on the streaming service ... so their history will also be set in stone.

Throughout the years, the 2 would go on to trade more disses on tracks such as "Supa Ugly" and "Last Real N**** Alive" ... but they've long deaded their issues, and even appeared together on DJ Khaled's 2021 cut "Sorry Not Sorry."

"King's Disease III" marks the third in the series and Nas' 4th consecutive album with Hit-Boy ... who he calls the "Quincy Jones to his Michael Jackson."

Comedian Matt Rife is literally a stone's throw away from 'SNL' just in case its writers boycott upcoming host Dave Chappelle ... and says he'd be honored to take the gig.

Matt was standing outside 30 Rock in NYC Thursday with his friend and fellow comedian Alex "Fonzi" Cureau -- they were holding up signs reading "Will Write For Dave."

Dave's set to host 'SNL' this weekend for the first time since his controversial 2021 Netflix special "The Closer" ... which his critics have ripped as transphobic.

While all 'SNL' cast members are working with Dave, some of the writers are boycotting ... according to Page Six. As we reported, Chappelle's camp says they've seen no evidence of that all week.

But, just in case, Matt and Alex are at the ready ... and say they're not trying to make any statements about transphobia. Their message is much more simple -- "If you don't want your job I will take it."

Of course, not everyone sees it that way ... Matt and Alex were actually confronted by at least one person who had a problem with their public plea to work with Dave.

Bottom line for Matt -- who famously dated Kate Beckinsale back in 2017 -- Dave's the comedy G.O.A.T., so he's not missing out if there's a shot at writing his 'SNL' sketches.

The Charlotte Hornets unveiled their brand new "CLT" jerseys on Thursday ... and, unsurprisingly, it didn't take long for the internet to lambaste the team with sophomoric sexual jokes.

Social media erupted at the sight of the front of the uniforms ... giddily giggling over the fact that at a quick first glance, the "CLT" could look like the slang term for a part of a woman's anatomy.

"I'm ordering mine custom w/ 'Found It' on the name plate," one fan wrote.

"A CLT vs Cream City game would've been legendary," another posted.

The NBA org., though, clearly was proud of the kits nonetheless ... explaining the "CLT" is actually an abbreviation used throughout their home city -- including by Charlotte's own airport.

It is the first time the Hornets will use the abbreviation on their unis -- on previous alternate jerseys, they had stitched "CHA" on them.

Dave Chappelle's starting his third day of meetings with 'SNL' cast and writers, and his camp says there's been zero talk of an alleged boycott related to Dave's issues with the transgender community.

DC is hosting 'SNL' this weekend -- his first time since 2020, and since the release of his controversial Netflix special "The Closer" ... which sparked protests and much debate over jokes many people felt were transphobic.

The potential issue at 30 Rock this week is 'SNL' now has its first nonbinary cast member, Molly Kearney, and at least one writer who is transgender.

According to Page Six, the show's writers are boycotting, but a rep for Dave tells TMZ ... Dave's first 2 meetings with the staff have been full, and everyone's pitching sketch ideas as they normally do.

One of the writers, Celeste Yim, reportedly posted an Instagram story saying, “I’m trans and non-binary. I use they/them pronouns. Transphobia is murder and it should be condemned.”

Their post said nothing about a boycott. It's unclear if Celeste has been in the staff meetings with Dave this week. We've reached out to NBC for comment.

This will be Chappelle's third time hosting. He previously hosted in 2020 and in 2016, which was memorable for being the first show after the election of Donald Trump.

Dave famously said America should give Trump a chance, but since then the comedian's admitted he was way off.

The biggest night in country music turned into a bit of a roast of Eli Manning -- with Peyton tossing several barbs his little bro's way throughout the evening ... and it was all hilarious!!

The Indianapolis Colts legend was co-hosting the annual CMA Awards show with Luke Bryan in Nashville -- and while a bunch of music stars caught playful shade from the duo ... Eli appeared to find himself as the butt of the jokes more often than not.

In fact, it only took about 10 minutes into the show for Peyton to make his first dig at the former New York Giants star, who he co-hosts his weekly "Monday Night Football" "Manningcast" with.

"Peyton, let me break it to you, I don't prepare," Bryan said during the opening monologue. "I'm just kind of a wing it kind of host."

"Trust me, that's clear," Peyton responded. "So, what you're saying is, this is my worst nightmare. But it's actually OK, because I do a show with my brother Eli -- I'm used to this lack of professionalism."

A couple hours later, Peyton threw some more quills Eli's way while chatting with the Brothers Osborne.

"So, let me guess," Peyton said turning to the country music group. "Your mom makes you work with your brother too, right?"

Eli certainly noticed it all -- and took to Twitter to gripe about his older bro.

"If my math is correct," the younger Manning said, "that is the 3rd shot Peyton has taken at me on the CMA's."

Get a load of this -- a sports radio producer literally couldn't keep his crap together after hearing a joke live on the air ... 'cause he laughed so hard, he pooped his pants!!

Here's the deal -- CBS Sports Radio contributor Shaun Morash was, ironically enough, reacting to a silly conversation about the Philly Phanatic pooping on people's chests ... when disaster struck for himself.

Morash damn near came out of his chair over the joke ... then admitted me made a mud pie in his trousers.

"I just went in my pants," Morash said as he unplugged his headphones and rushed to the restroom.

Naturally, everyone else erupted in laughter.

Morash later returned with his head down ... saying he used a "lot of paper towels" and couldn't look the guys in the eyes.

The most disgusting part came when Morash showed off the damage -- with the crew looking on in horror.

Damon Amendolara, the show's host, said he was glad that Morash found the joke funny ... but was concerned that his colleague couldn't control his bowel movements.

“On the other hand, I’m really terrified of a guy that, if you laugh really loud, can’t control the bowels," said Amendolara. "It’s like somebody dumped a milkshake down his pants!"

Morash explained what exactly happened ... saying, "I laughed too hard up and friction down. Luckily, it wasn’t mega poundage."

Cynthia Bailey proudly showed off some fan art, sharing some kind words for the wanna-be artist ... even though they're certainly no Rembrandt.

The 'Real Housewives of Atlanta' star posted a sketch a fan sent her Monday and it's hilarious, though Cynthia's being a lot nicer than the folks commenting on her social media post.

Cynthia says one of her biggest and most supportive fans slid into her DMs asking permission to draw her, to which she said "yes" right away because she was so excited and honored.

When Cynthia got the drawing it wasn't what she expected, but she says she still absolutely loves the artwork, noting ... "it is the love & thought that counts."

The artist behind the drawing apparently runs a 'RHOA' fan page on Instagram, and Cynthia says the artist didn't think she would like the portrait.

Whitney Cummings says she's joining OnlyFans to tell dirty jokes, free from the backlash and controversy swirling on other social media sites ... and she's ripping Elon Musk's app.

We got Whitney at LAX and asked why she decided to hitch her wagon to OF, where she's producing a new show about comedy roasts.

Whitney sees OnlyFans as the future for comedians looking for a safe space to tell jokes ... seeing it as an alternative to places like Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and YouTube, explaining how comedians are dragged when jokes push boundaries.

The way Whitney sees it, the audience at OnlyFans is already used to the taboo -- the site is infamous for offering subscriptions to models selling nude content -- whereas places like Twitter are littered with "dorks" and "snitches" who want to report humor as hate speech.

Whitney's planning to charge about $10 a month for her OnlyFans page, where she will experiment with material she says may be too explicit for someone scrolling the timeline at lunch ... and she's already got jokes about potential nudes making their way to her page too.

If Tyreek Hill's stats don't speak for themselves, the Dolphins receiver has another way to show you why he's the best ... by catching a football with his hands smothered in butter!!

The 6-time Pro Bowler did the hilarious stunt in a backyard on Thursday ... claiming he can out catch anyone.

"I got the best hands on any app," Hill said in the clip, "and I'm here to prove it ✌🏿"

That's when the Super Bowl champ brings out a stick of butter and rubs it all over his hands ... before catching the ball from a Jugs machine with ease!!

"Looks greasy to me," Hill said, "I got the best hands-on TikTok!!"

He also uses a bottle of Aunt Jemima syrup ... but let's be honest, the stickiness from the syrup probably gave him an advantage.

Hill has been on a campaign to prove the haters wrong after NFL receiver Steve Smith's convo with Shannon Sharpe on his "Club Shay Shay" podcast this month ... where they said he's not "natural" or "pure" at catching the ball.

Of course, everyone knows that Hill is one of the best wideouts in the NFL right now -- in fact, he currently leads the league in receiving yards (961) ... and that's even with his QB Tua Tagovailoa missing several weeks due to concussion protocol.

And, let's not forget his stunning performance in Kansas City where he pulled in over 6,600 receiving yards and 56 touchdowns for the Chiefs from 2016 to 2021.

Most roosters only have eight toes, but this Rooster could end up with seven ... 'cause Miles Teller says he'd consider parting ways with an appendage in exchange for a Phillies World Series win!!

The 'Top Gun' actor and diehard Philly fan joined Guardians pitcher Triston McKenzie and Yankees outfielder Harrison Bader for a quick interview before the Phillies' huge Game 3 win over the Houston Astros ... and was asked what he'd be willing to do to secure his beloved team's third Fall Classic title.

"I feel like you don't need all your toes," Teller joked.

When McKenzie followed up and asked if he was talking about losing several piggies, or just one ... Teller explained his proposed sacrifice should be more than enough.

"Easy buddy, a toe is still important!! One toe is not enough?! Get out of here."

But, in case he doesn't want to walk with a limp for the rest of his life, Teller has another idea.

"Gallbladder, I heard you don't need that."

As for the game, Teller and the Phillies were losing their minds as their team whooped the 'Stros 7-0 ... especially after Bryce Harper and Alec Bohm's dingers.

The Phillies are now up 2-1 in the series ... which means just two more wins before Teller's gotta stick to his word!!

It's Halloween again ... and per usual, TMZ staffers went all out for their costumes.

Check out the staff's getups this year -- which touch on all the pop culture moments. We got Barbie and Ken, Nick Cannon and his many baby mamas, Ben Affleck, the 'Hocus Pocus' crew ... and more!

Some other highlights -- Queen Elizabeth and her corgis, Jada Pinkett-Smith, Quinta Brunson and Jimmy Kimmel, the Ohio fishing cheaters, Mario/Luigi/Peach and even Richard Simmons.

There's also Kim and Pete, Adam Levine's DMs, Jack Sparrow, Minions, Tom Brady and his estranged wife Gisele, Gordy the monkey, climate change activists/art vandals, Julia Fox, Prison Mike, Macho Man, Guy Fieri, Coolio, BeReal, Alice in Wonderland ... and even one of the infamous Gap and Kanye trash bags!

Some of these are pretty timely, we know -- but hey ... TMZ knows a good snapshot when we see it. And, 2022 is no different.

'SNL' opened Saturday night with a blistering skit about 3 extreme Republicans running for high office -- Herschel Walker, Dr. Oz and Kari Lake.

Oz is stoked about the "Pennsylvania Phillies" World Series bid ... of course, playing off his carpetbagging status.

Walker, well, he answers the alleged abortion hypocrisy with 1 word -- gas.

And Kari Lake -- well, she makes it clear ... if people vote for her, they won't have to vote in another election.

As you probably know, all 3 candidates are gaining ground in their races, and although 'SNL' is clearly mocking them ... the underlying message isn't far from reality, and that reality seems to be resonating with a growing number of voters.

We'll know in a little more than a week. Then immediately get ready for the 2024 Presidential campaign.

Leslie Jordan will be gracing the silver screen one last time ... because the last film he ever starred in is on its way to being completed.

Writer and director Tracy Pellegrino tells TMZ ... "Strangers in a Strange Land," Leslie's last listed film credit in post-production, is a small independent film made up of several shorts that focuses on foreigners around the world getting into hilarious situations due to their confusion and language barriers -- and it's the L.A. portion of the film where Leslie shines.

Leslie plays a southerner in Los Angeles who tries to help give directions to a Russian man at a bus stop ... someone he finds VERY attractive.

The humor is right up Leslie's alley, and that tracks -- we're told Tracy and her husband, Mark, wrote the part with him in mind ... totally unaware if Leslie would even sign on for the project. Tracy knew Leslie for more than 20 years.

Tracy says the movie was filmed over a long period of time -- it was shot in Paris, Cannes, Rome, Düsseldorf, London, Brooklyn and L.A. She says Leslie's part was shot around 2017. There is no release date yet for the film.

Barack Obama was in full-blown stand-up comedy mode Friday night in Georgia -- where he skewered Herschel Walker as wholly unqualified for the Senate ... among other occupations.

The ex-Prez was stumping for Rev. Raphael Warnock -- who's running to maintain his Senate seat in a highly contested race -- when he started to lay out comparisons between the current Senator and Walker ... going on to crack jokes at the latter's expense.

Watch ... BO admits Walker was a football great once upon a time, but says that alone doesn't mean he should be considered for jobs he has no experience in -- stuff like flying an airplane or surgery -- and that common sense people would ask those basic questions.

Barack hilariously compares the sitch to him being hypothetically tapped to be a running back ... something he says he absolutely would be terrible at, and that no one would want him doing. In the same vein, he says HW shouldn't be taken seriously as a would-be Senator.

Walker's now-infamous badge moment during the debate was also poked at by 44 -- with Barack likening it to playing cops and robbers. The crowd was busting up at his jokes.

For his part, Walker didn't find it funny ... but did fire back at the former President in his own campaign speech Saturday. He insisted he wasn't a celebrity, but rather ... a "warrior for God." Walker also went on to say Obama's been absent while he's been on the front lines.

Move over Johnny Depp ... Marshawn Lynch is now officially America's most favorite pirate -- 'cause he dressed up as "Captain Black Sparrow" this week, and it was hilarious!!!

The former NFL star got in his "Pirates of the Caribbean" role for a special segment prior to "Thursday Night Football" on Thursday -- after meeting up with Tampa Bay Buccaneers' mascot Captain Fear at Raymond James Stadium.

Lynch donned a Depp-like 'fit, and proclaimed, "I'm Captain Black Sparrow in this motherf*****, man!"

FYI, his locker was labeled as "Captain Beastmode" ... but seems Lynch called an audible on that one midway through the segment.

Lynch and the mascot headed to the Bucs' 100-foot-long pirate ship at the stadium -- just before Tampa took on the Ravens -- and, let's just say Lynch enjoyed climbing up to the boat with his big boots on.

"Watch how I hit these motherf***ing high steps with these thangs!" he yelled. "I bet you this thang ride like a Caddy."

Lynch also shot off the famous cannons from the ship.

"I thought I done lost, bust my wig, boy!" Lynch said. "I done lost my eye patch!"

This isn't the first time Lynch has garnered laughs on "TNF" ... just last week, he turned into "The Alligator Man" in New Orleans when the Saints played the Cardinals.

The 5-time Pro Bowler joined Amazon Prime's "Thursday Night Football" team earlier this year ... and part of his job is to do funny "N' Yo City" skits.