Kids

Patton Oswalt's a proud papa, because his 8-year-old girl's following in his footsteps and making people laugh ... but she doesn't even know it yet!

We got the comedian and "A.P. Bio" star leaving Sick City Records on Sunset Wednesday, and had to ask about his daughter Alice's tale of "Fart land" ... a fictional place where "people who fart a lot get sent to."

Patton posted her fable online and it's blown up -- even receiving acclaim from The New Yorker -- but Oswalt says Alice is none the wiser because she's at school. Thankfully he's going to tell her soon ... because we're already awaiting the sequel.

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have been offered multi-million dollar deals to provide first photos of their new baby ... and they have REJECTED all of them.

Sources familiar with the offers tell TMZ, various websites and magazines started making offers months ago. All of the offers were north of a million dollars and several outlets offered between $2 and $5 million.

The offers were never entertained ... they were immediately rejected. We're told Kim and Kanye would never consider taking money for the first photos of the baby ... doing so would violate their morals.

But there's more ... Kim and Kanye place the security and safety of their family above all else. They realize the media will eventually get pictures of the baby but they want to do it on their own timetable ... when they're comfortable the safety of the baby is secured.

As for what they've done in the past ... Kim and Kanye posted the first pic of North 2 months after she was born. As for Saint, they also waited a little more than 2 months.

So check Kim's Instagram in March.

Phil Murphy is officially New Jersey's next governor post-Chris Christie -- but, while he was taking his oath ... the guy's oldest kid was busy honoring "Malcolm in the Middle."

Phil's eldest son, Josh Murphy, flashed the OK sign below his waist for the tail end of his father's swearing-in Tuesday -- which means he was playing the infamous Circle Game.

In case you aren't familiar, the game was made famous by the hit 2000s show in which the characters prank each other by making someone look down at a circle formed below the belt ... which then gives 'em the right to punch the poor sap.

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West just had their third child via surrogate ... TMZ has learned.

Kim made the announcement, saying the surrogate gave birth Monday to a healthy girl weighing 7lbs 6oz.

TMZ broke the story ... Kim and Kanye used a surrogate because she has placenta accreta ... a life-threatening condition that created serious complications during the birth of her second child, Saint.

The surrogate lives in the San Diego area ... it's unclear if she gave birth there or at Cedars-Sinai in L.A. ... where the couple's other two children were born.

Tiffany Trump helped out a friend who wanted to get married in Vegas -- sans the romance -- so she picked up a basket baggie and started tossing petals.

In a video that's since been deleted, President Trump's second youngest kid was seen as one of the few people in attendance at A Little White Wedding Chapel Sunday for her pal Quentin Esme Brown's "shotgun" marriage to "NYC Prep" star PC Peterson. -- who, apparently, aren't romantically involved.

It's interesting that Tiffany didn't fill in as a bridesmaid -- guess the Trump name doesn't carry as much weight in Sin City as it does in D.C. right now.

The Ball boys are back in a BIG way ... bustin' out for 60 POINTS combined in a blowout win for BC Vytautas in Lithuania.

LaMelo showed out from the jump -- getting up for a dunk and beating the first-half buzzer -- but the dopest play of the game had to be when he found big bro, LiAngelo, for a fastbreak oop in the 3rd.

Full disclosure -- Melo also missed an alley-oop to himself ... but who cares when you're a Big Baller?

Melo ended up with 31 -- 2 more points than Gelo -- and their squad's now 2-0 in their team's "Big Baller Brand Challenge" series exhibitions.

Not bad after being held scoreless in their 2nd pro game -- their first against legit pro competition.

Martin Luther King Jr.'s son says his father would be "incensed" by President Trump's "shithole" comment ... but MLK III still sees a silver lining.

We got the civil rights leader's oldest son Monday at the Martin Luther King Jr. memorial in Washington, D.C., and he weighed in on 45's disparaging remark ... and his father's likely reaction to it.

Perhaps surprisingly, MLK III thinks there can be a positive outcome from Trump's racist sentiment.

Good day to ponder whether his father would be as gracious to the President.

The Dolce & Gabbana show at Milan Fashion week was littered with the offspring of celebs.

Both of Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee's kids walked the runway ... so did the spawn of Diddy, Daniel Day-Lewis, James Marsden, Jude Law and Pierce Brosnan.

It's not the first time famous kids have flooded Milan for the event ... it's also seen the likes of Sofia Richie, Hailey Baldwin, along with Sistine and Sophia Stallone take its runways.

Kylie Jenner is NOT at the hospital right now pushing out her first child, despite increased online speculation swirling that she's in labor ... TMZ has learned.

Multiple sources close to Kylie and Travis Scott tell us ... Kylie isn't due this month, and she hasn't gone into premature labor. Rumors began heating up Friday that Kylie had checked into Cedars-Sinai in L.A. -- where all the other Kardashian sisters gave birth -- but we're told it's definitely not true.

Adding fuel to the fire, fans began sharing a photo from Travis with the caption, "Make it home to ya one way or another" ... suggesting he was heading to be by Kylie's side for the birth.

Turns out ... that post was from December -- not today.

So ... everybody just calm down ... for now.

Harvey Weinstein's low on cash flow, so he's telling his ex-wife he can't afford to pay child support for a year ... maybe more ... according to her, anyway.

Eve Chilton made the claim in docs submitted when she tried to get a one-time advance payment to cover $5 million in child support Weinstein still owes for their 3 daughters. The judge denied that request, citing Weinstein's track record of not missing any previous payments.

As we reported ... Chilton, who divorced Weinstein in 2004, was worried their daughters wouldn't get the money because Weinstein was using it to fight numerous lawsuits.

The timing's interesting here -- Weinstein just reached a divorce settlement this week with his most recent ex-wife, Georgina Chapman ... reportedly in the $15 to $20 million range.

He'll still have to make regular child support payments, as scheduled, to Chilton.

Oprah Winfrey was hell-bent on changing the world and easing racial tension even as a teen at East Nashville High School, according to Gary Holt, who was student body Prez when O was veep.

We spoke to Gary at his home in Knoxville, and he had nothing but rave reviews of O's time in office ... including her successful plan to organize a multiracial band to play at prom.

Remember it was 1971, fresh off the Civil Rights movement, and just 3 years after Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated -- so, no small feat for Oprah and Gary.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus' last day of chemo was Thursday and her 2 sons celebrated the milestone in her breast cancer battle with a video tribute ... and an assist from Michael Jackson.

Julia posted the vid of 20-year-old Charlie and 25-year-old Henry dancing and lip syncing to MJ's "Beat It" ... an homage to Mom kicking her chemo treatment's ass.

JLD revealed she had been diagnosed with breast cancer in September and started chemo shortly after.

She captioned the video, "Pretty swell, right? Ain’t they sweet?”

Oprah Winfrey might not be a politician, but she's got experience as president ... and she even won the popular vote!!!

No surprise here, but TMZ has learned Oprah was super active in student government and extracurricular activities at Tennessee's East Nashville High School where she graduated in 1971.

According to her yearbook, O was president of 2 different clubs during her time in H.S. -- the Drama Club and the National Forensics League -- and served as VP of the student council her senior year. She was also on the Honor Society.

And just like nowadays, Oprah had the admiration of her peers, too ... being voted "most popular" her senior year.

Wonder if Trump still thinks he can beat her after hearing that?

"Big Brother" star Amber Siyavus' daughter has died from an apparent suicide ... TMZ has learned.

Lexi Tomcavage died Monday night in Ohio, and her death is being investigated as a suicide ... according to the Stark County Medical Examiner. On Sunday, Lexi tweeted 3 times about missing her friend who recently died ... saying "i miss you" and "never been like this before."

Siyavus was a houseguest on Season 8 of 'BB' and was known for her frequent crying. Fans gave her the nickname "Whamber." She finished in 7th place.

Amber's daughter, Lexi, was 18.

RIP

O.J. Simpson seems pretty convinced he's NOT Khloe Kardashian's real father -- and he's banking on you buying those two magic words ... "Trust me."

Juice finally addressed the conspiracy theory that's been floating around for decades ... that he secretly knocked up Kris behind Robert Kardashian's back 34 years ago -- and the family has been covering it up ever since.

So, when he was out in Vegas over the weekend -- a photog asked if congratulations were in order regarding Khloe's pregnancy.

Simpson clearly understood the subtext -- and replied, "Well, for Bob, God bless his soul, yeah. I don't know for me. I don't think for me I have nothing to do with it."

He added, "I would be proud ... but trust me, I had nothing to do with it."

Meanwhile, watch O.J.'s daughter, Arnelle, in the background -- she's CONVINCED her dad's no Kardashian creator.

Nas and Kelis have found common ground in their custody dispute over their 8-year-old son.

According to court docs, the exes hammered out specific dates where Nas will have custody of Knight for weekends. Dad gets four full weekends over January, February and March. Nas' weekend visits will begin immediately after school on Fridays ... thru Sunday night, or Monday night, if it's a 3-day weekend.

As we reported, Nas was complaining that Kelis was making it difficult for him to spend extended time with their son.

The new agreement also requires both parents to use their "best efforts to not popularize [Knight] in social media."