Nurse!

Bill Maher is sidelined from his show this week because he's tested positive for COVID-19 ... but, strange as it sounds, there's some good news here.

The 'Real Time' host has little reason to be worried because a rep for HBO says Bill is fully vaccinated, and he's feeling fine. The rep says, "Bill tested positive during weekly staff PCR testing for COVID" but says he's totally asymptomatic.

Remember, the COVID vaccines don't guarantee you won't get infected, but are highly effective in shielding you from serious illness and hospitalization. Bill's a perfect example of that.

HBO says no other staff or crew members have tested positive for the virus and Friday's show will be rescheduled for a later date ... the network says they've taken all COVID safety measures seriously.

Bill's guests this week were supposed to be Neil deGrasse Tyson, "World War Z" author Max Brooks and "Hardcore History" podcast host Dan Carlin.

Simon Cowell insists he's not living dangerously by getting back on an electric bicycle less than a year after shattering his spine while riding one ... 'cause he's toned down his horsepower.

The "America's Got Talent" judge and music exec broke down the differences for us after he was spotted scooting around on a new bike, but one that still had an electric motor attached.

It looks like risky business, but Simon explains he wasn't concerned. Check out why this new ride of his isn't anywhere near as crash-prone as the one he crashed with last summer.

The long and short of it is ... one of them was basically a motorcycle with pedals, and the other is a lot more human-friendly and manageable.

SC actually tells us a pretty hilarious anecdote about a magazine he picked up recently that served as a painful reminder of the brutal injury he endured.

Speaking of that injury ... Simon has healed very nicely since August, which was pretty obvious from his vacation to Barbados over the holidays -- where he was spotted cruising around on a jet ski, something he tells us his doctor did NOT want to see happen.

Tough luck for the doc -- Simon likes living on the edge, but at least he's taking a much wiser, sensible approach now.

The injury Billy Joe Saunders suffered during Saturday night's loss to Canelo Alvarez was even worse than it looked ... and it's possible he may never fight again.

The 31-year-old didn't get off his stool at the end of the 8th round after it became clear his right eye was badly damaged.

Billy Joe was loaded into an ambulance and taken to a nearby hospital for evaluation where he was diagnosed with a quadripod fracture, according to The Athletic's Mike Coppinger.

FYI, the injury essentially means Saunders' orbital bone was smashed so badly, his cheekbone area caved in.

BJ's promoter, Eddie Hearn, announced he would undergo surgery on Sunday -- though unclear how it went at this point.

Hearn told Coppinger the recovery will take several months -- and it doesn't seem like it's a certainty Saunders will ever be able to fight again.

The long story short, the integrity of BJ's cheekbone area has been structurally compromised since it was broken in 4 spots ... and for a guy who gets punched in the face for a living, that's a VERY bad thing.

Dr. David Abbasi -- an orthopedic surgeon who sometimes works combat sports events -- broke down the injury and it's scary stuff.

Saunders was 30-0 before the Canelo fight -- and looked pretty good in the moments before the fight ended.

He was sticking and moving and landing real shots ... but in the end, Canelo's power proved too much.

Here's hoping Saunders can make a complete recovery and get back to doing what he loves.

You can't intentionally hit your opponent in the balls. Period.

That's an NBA rule Luka Doncic broke on Sunday night -- whacking Collin Sexton right in the man junk during the Mavs vs. Cavs game ... earning him a swift ejection.

The two were battling for position under the basket in the 3rd quarter when things got physical ... and Luka threw what looked like a hammer-fist right into Sexton's no-no zone.

The refs called Doncic for a flagrant 2 -- which means automatic ejection -- and when you check out the replay, you can see why.

Ouch.

After the game -- which the Mavs won -- Luka insisted he didn't MEAN to hit Sexton in the groin ... it was an accident!

"It obviously wasn't on purpose," Luka said ... "Just two guys fighting for a rebound, I guess."

He continued, "That kind of stuff happens a lot of the games you know ... I don't know. That's my explanation."

Simon Cowell is getting back on the horse -- or, more accurately, back on the bike ... this after breaking his back on one of these damn things less than a year ago.

The 'AGT' host was spotted cruising along on another electric bicycle Sunday in Malibu with his girlfriend, Lauren Silverman, and his young son, Eric ... who all had bikes of their own. Interestingly, though, it was only Simon who seemed to be using a motorized version.

You can tell it's an electric bike by that little box stuck to the down tube of the frame -- they help propel the bicycle forward with more acceleration as you pedal, giving you a boost.

The fact Simon's once again riding one of these raises eyebrows at first glance. Of course, Simon practically shattered his spine on this exact type of model back in August ... when he was testing out a new electric bike of his, in none other than the courtyard of his own home.

If he almost got paralyzed from just that setting ... this one here -- out in public, along a windy bike bath with other riders zipping by -- is definitely a lot more dangerous, potentially. Still ... it looks like he's got the hang of it, but seeing this does make one worry a bit.

Simon went through a 6-hour emergency back surgery at the time ... and has undergone intensive rehab since then to get back on his feet. Welp, now he's back on his ass.

A woman and a toddler were reportedly shot in broad daylight just now in Times Square -- a random act of violence in which the suspected gunman still hasn't been caught.

Cops have swarmed the area and barricaded the streets, where they say gunfire erupted between West 44th Street and 7th Avenue around 2 PM PT. Law enforcement sources tell us one of the bullets struck the woman.

The child is also said to have been hit, but it's unclear where. In any case, both of them were rushed to Bellevue Hospital in stable condition ... so it seems they're gonna make it. We're also hearing that a third person may have also been shot in the chaos.

The most disconcerting part -- besides somebody trying to gun down a lady and a kid in the middle of the day -- is the fact that the person who did this has NOT been caught yet ... as we're told they're still on the loose as of now. That might explain why there's such a massive police presence right now ... presumably, they're scouring the streets for the shooter.

No word yet on a motive, but this appears to have happened out of nowhere ... which makes it all the more terrifying. People captured video of people running upon initial word that a shooting had taken place ... as well clips of the aftermath as cops stood by controlling the crowd and securing the scene. Another video -- taken from an Earth Cam towering above Times Square -- seems to show the exact moment the shots were fired, two of them.

Someone also appears to have snagged video of the moment the victims were rushed into an ambulance by EMTs. Witnesses reportedly say the toddler was bleeding, and the woman was crying. Based on this video, it also looks like some people were booted from the bus.

It's an awful way to help people get ready for the re-opening of Broadway and other NYC venues that have been shuttered during the pandemic. As if folks hadn't already been on edge, this news certainly won't help them feel any safer ... especially considering Times Square is one of the most visible and frequented areas in the city.

If this can happen there, it's not a good omen for what could happen else in NYC.

This poor Amazon delivery guy deserves hazard pay -- and an ice pack for his ass -- after going to battle with a cactus while dropping off a package.

Ring video shows the San Bernardino delivery worker dropping off a package on a front porch, oblivious to the cactus behind him as he was bending over. And then, ouch!!! Looks like he got at least 10 quills ... right in the butt, Bob.

Of course, he immediately jumped in pain, but then he kinda laughed at his misfortune ... like he couldn't believe it happened. Making matters worse, no one was home to help him, and he had to go solo to pick out the thorns.

Two elderly Asian women are recovering after this brazen and heinous stabbing in San Francisco -- so brutal the blade broke off inside one of the victims.

The attack happened Tuesday around 5 PM along Market Street where an 84-year-old and 63-year-old were randomly attacked by a man. You can see he comes up behind them, completely unprovoked and stabs them with a knife reportedly bigger than one of the victim's arms.

The 63-year-old was stabbed in the back, and then the attacker moved over to the 84-year-old, and used so much force while stabbing her, his knife was lodged in her body -- according to KGO-TV reporter Dion Lim, who first obtained the video

The older victim suffered a punctured lung, and her family shared her X-ray showing the huge blade which doctors later removed.

San Francisco PD says the 63-year-old victim suffered non-life-threatening injuries. Both women remain hospitalized.

Dallas Cowboys fans are going to LOVE this ...

Dak Prescott says his ankle injury has healed so nicely -- he could play in an NFL game "right now!"

The quarterback -- who famously suffered a horrific lower leg injury last October -- told reporters at an event out in Texas on Tuesday he's now pretty damn close to 100 percent.

"I could go play in a game right now and in my head be very, very successful," the 27-year-old said.

It's an incredible update from the NFL star ... because just 7 months ago, many wondered if he'd ever play football again.

His ankle injury was gruesome -- he was diagnosed with a dislocated and fractured ankle, and it was so bad, networks had to blur replays of the injury.

But, Dak -- who had multiple surgeries to repair the damage -- seemed confident as ever on Tuesday that he'd be back to normal by the time the Cowboys need him for the 2021 season opener in September.

"There's no doubt that when I need to be successful, when I need to do the things that it takes to be on the field, I'll do exactly that and the timing will be right," Dak said.

Paul Phillips, the former lead guitarist for Puddle of Mudd, claims he could have trouble making music and making a living ... due to some shoddy care he allegedly got at a hospital.

Paul is suing Florida's Baptist Medical Center of the Beaches and a couple doctors for medical malpractice ... claiming their treatments left him with a brain injury and serious seizure condition that might affect his ability to rock out.

In the lawsuit, obtained by TMZ, Paul claims his brain hasn't been the same since he was admitted to the hospital back in November 2019 after complaining about an altered mental status and possible seizure.

Paul, who played in the band from 2001 to 2005 and 2009 to 2011, claims initial tests showed he was suffering from low sodium levels, but he says doctors did a poor job monitoring the situation and gradually bringing the levels back to normal, claiming the levels rose too quickly during his time at the hospital.

In the docs, Paul claims he was discharged from the hospital before being rushed back 3 days later due to a seizure. He says MRI exams on his brain showed brain damage, which he claims was caused by the treatment he received during his prior hospital stay.

Paul, who is being repped by Morgan & Morgan, claims he's still having seizures and other neurological issues, which he says are requiring treatment at the Mayo Clinic. He claims the brain issues will continue indefinitely and says it's hurting his ability to make a living.

A metro train in Mexico City careened off the tracks and fell after a railroad bridge collapsed ... a deadly moment that was captured on video.

It happened late Monday night in the southeast area of town. The mayor, Claudia Sheinbaum, told reporters it appeared a support beam on the track gave out as the train went over it.

That caused the entire structure to topple ... and sent the rail car careening to the street below, where cars were zipping by. Surveillance video captured the exact second it happened, and it looks like something straight out of a movie -- a horror flick, in this case.

So far, officials say at least 23 people were killed in the tragedy -- including an unspecified amount of children -- and dozens more were hospitalized with varying degrees of injuries.

All class from UFC star Dominick Reyes ... who's praising the man who knocked him out cold this weekend -- saying, "What an elbow!"

Reyes was in a war with Jiri Prochazka at UFC Vegas 25 on Saturday when the 28-year-old blasted Dominick in the jaw with a sensational spinning back elbow, ending the fight in the 2nd round.

There was serious concern for Reyes who crumbled to the ground and laid sprawled out on the Octagon for several minutes while he was tended to by a team of medical personnel.

But finally, some good news from the 31-year-old fighter ... who said Monday evening, "Finally home and surrounded by those I love."

Reyes didn't reveal too much about his condition -- but said, "I’m doing good healing up ... I’ll be OK."

As for the fight, Dom says he fought his heart out -- and is understandably upset he didn't get the result he wanted.

"I went out and fought and for that I can say I’m proud. I love this game and at times it does not love me back but that’s what we all have signed up for."

Reyes added, "Congrats to Jiri Prochazka ... hell of a fight and what an elbow! It’s the ones you don’t see coming to get you."

Reyes is currently the #5 ranked UFC light heavyweight. He began his career with a 12-0 run -- defeating guys like Chris Weidman, Jared Cannonier and Volkan Oezdemir.

He put up a hell of a fight against Jon Jones at UFC 247 -- but lost the fight in a unanimous decision. Since then, he's lost to Jan Błachowicz and now Jiri Prochazka.

But, don't sleep on Dom -- dude's legit and vows to get back to the top of the division.

Terrell Davis is issuing a stern warning to Saquon Barkley ... saying if the injured running back returns too early from his ACL injury, it could have DIRE consequences.

The Hall of Famer explained it all to TMZ Sports ... with Davis telling us when he rushed back early from a knee injury following the 1999 season -- it cost him A LOT.

"For me, I tell players coming back from an injury is sometimes you have to protect yourself from yourself," Davis says. "And, what I mean by that is we're very competitive and we want to come back and beat the timeframe."

"So, if the doctor says it's a six-week or six-month recovery -- whatever it is -- our minds is, 'I'm coming back in half that time. I'm coming back in three weeks or three months.'"

Davis continued, "I remember coming back and I thought I was ready to play and I was really trying to get back on the field but I think long term it hurt me."

Davis says if he had just taken the extra time to ensure he was 100 percent, the ending of his career could have gone MUCH differently.

"I always tell players," Davis says, "'Listen, I understand you feel like you're ready to come back, make sure you're sure. Make sure that you're ready to come back because you can do more damage if you come back prematurely than if you wait.'"

Barkley tore up his knee back on Sept. 20, 2020 ... and he's been rehabbing and training like a mad man to get back on the field ASAP.

In fact, the 24-year-old just posted video of some of his workout sessions last month ... showing he's already jumping off his injured leg.

It's all a great indicator that Barkley should be ready for the Giants' season opener in September ... but Davis is making it clear, Saquon NEEDS to listen to his body fully before he straps on the pads again.

Bryce Harper is lucky to have avoided complete disaster Wednesday ... the MLB star was drilled in the nose by a 97 MPH pitch, but thankfully, he says he's somehow "all good."

The Phillies outfielder was up to bat in the 6th inning of Philadelphia's tilt with the St. Louis Cardinals ... when Génesis Cabrera's pitch got away from him and smashed BH right in the face.

The clip is horrifying ... the fastball appeared to catch Harper right between the eyes -- and Bryce immediately left the game for the training room.

Of course, with players like Giancarlo Stanton having suffered SEVERE damage from being hit with pitches in the face in the past ... many feared the worst for Harper.

But, fortunately, Harper said in a video after the game he passed all tests and expects to recover in no time.

"Everything feels good," Bryce said, showing off nothing more than minor swelling on his nose. "Everything came back good -- CT [scan], all that kind of stuff."

"So, face is still there. So, we're all good. See you guys soon!"

As for Cabrera -- who also hit Didi Gregorious in the back in the at-bat following Harper's -- he felt so badly about the night, he apologized after the game.

"I really wish him the best," Cabrera said of Harper. "I hope he has a speedy recovery, in whatever it is that happened, and that he'll be able to return to baseball activities."

"The game got away from me at that point. I'm really sorry for everything that happened today. None of it was intentional. And again, I'm sorry for everything."

GOOD NEWS! Chris Weidman's "bone through the skin" injury is healing up nicely ... and he's got video of the injury site to prove it!

The UFC star finally removed the bandages from his right leg on Wednesday -- just days after that catastrophic injury at UFC 261 ... and you can clearly see the spot where the bone ripped through the back of his calf.

"I undressed my injury," Weidman said in a Wednesday update ... "The cut on the back of the calf is from when I stepped down in octagon, and bone went through calf muscle and skin."

Weidman was discharged from the hospital in Jacksonville earlier this week and is continuing his recovery at home in South Carolina, where remains in good spirits.

"I know there are many worried about me, including family friends and fans. I will be good. I love you all."

As we previously reported, 36-year-old Weidman suffered the injury while throwing a routine leg kick in the opening seconds of his Saturday night match against Uriah Hall.

Surgeons used a metal rod to stabilize the leg -- and Chris posted photos of the X-rays.

Denver Nuggets star Jamal Murray is officially on the mend after suffering a torn ACL earlier this month ... and he's showing off his badass scar from surgery!!

The 24-year-old baller went under the knife last week after going down with the injury against the Warriors on April 12 ... and he appears to be in great spirits as he kickstarts the recovery process.

Murray showed off some post-op pics on Tuesday ... captioning them with a positive note -- "Brand new."

Of course, the injury happened in the final minutes of Denver's loss to Golden State ... when Murray's leg buckled after he drove to the basket.

The scene was tough to watch -- even for the broadcasters, who were audibly emotional over the injury.

But, Murray will recover and get back to the court ... just with a new-look knee next time around.

Sports stars like Odell Beckham and Joe Burrow have showed off their ACL surgery scars in recent months ... and it's safe to say Murray's is the least gnarly, so that's a plus for the hooper!!

It's always bad to see any athlete go down, but it was especially tough to see Murray get hurt -- the guy has been tearing up the league over the past 2 years.