Humor

Neil Gorsuch will have more than just Supreme Court cases to deal with as the newest justice ... he'll also be assigned to cafeteria duty and other lowly tasks for being the new robe on the bench.

SCOTUS justices have a long-running tradition of assigning the newest high judge to junior justice duties, which include 3 specific tasks he or she must undertake until a new justice fills their spot.

Gorsuch is replacing Justice Elena Kagan, who for the last 6 plus years has had to personally answer the door if knocked on during meetings with the justices, take notes during those meetings and our favorite ... attend to grievances about cafeteria food leveled by court employees.

Kagan introduced a frozen yogurt machine to the cafeteria, and Justice Stephen Breyer expanded the cafeteria's salad bar and even added Starbucks coffee when he was the junior justice.

Amazing.

Emmitt Smith wanted to congratulate Sergio Garcia for winning The Masters this weekend -- so he tweeted at the golfer, "Way to persevere through a varsity."

For real.

Don't worry, Smith realized his mistake 15 hours later and followed up with a correction.

"Computer glitch adversity is the word I should've been used."

THE WORD I SHOULD'VE BEEN USED?!!

Emmitt can't catch a break.

Go Gators.

Two big stars say they've been banned from a major cruise line over shenanigans on the Gronk Cruise ... after someone allegedly took a huge crap on the deck next to the guest pool.

DJ Whoo Kid and Waka Flocka Flame tell TMZ Sports they are no longer welcome on any Norwegian Cruise Line ship after they were blamed for the poop prank during the Feb. 2016 voyage.

"Somebody took a dump on the ship," DJ Whoo Kid says ... "Somebody pooped behind the pool and put a $20 bill on the poop."

Whoo Kid says the mystery crapper left the money for whoever had to clean it up "out of respect."

By the way, Whoo Kid says he's dead serious about the ban ... saying EVERY celeb in the VIP area was questioned as a suspect and they all received bans.

Alec Baldwin did double duty on "Saturday Night Live," playing Bill O'Reilly and supporter in chief Donald Trump.

Baldwin spoofed the FNC talk show host, who's embroiled in controversy over disclosures of sexual assault cases against him that were settled.

Jimmy Kimmel smiled, laughed and broke down crying Thursday night while remembering his close friend and beloved comedian Don Rickles.

Jimmy opened "Jimmy Kimmel Live!" by reflecting on his time with Rickles over the years and telling some heartwarming and hilarious stories. Rickles became a very close friend of Kimmel's ... even helping Jimmy through the death of his uncle.

Don's final TV project is a reality show yet to air in which he chats with celebrities -- including Kimmel -- at some of his favorite restaurants around Los Angeles.

Don Rickles, one of the most legendary, iconic and influential comedians in history, has died.

We've learned Don died Thursday morning of kidney failure at his home in Los Angeles. His wife, Barbara, was by his side.

Don rose to fame in the '60s ... he got a huge boost by making regular appearances on "The Tonight Show" and "The Dean Martin Show."

Rickles got Frank Sinatra's attention in Miami Beach when he performed a comedy routine, and the 2 regularly worked together throughout the years.

Rickles was the best insult comic ever, and was a master at roasting celebs at The Friar's Club. Getting roasted by Rickles was a brutal badge of honor.

He started performing in Vegas in the '80s with Steve Lawrence and took the town by storm.

Don had his own TV show, "The Don Rickles Show," on ABC.

He played voice of Mr. Potato Head in the 'Toy Story' movies.

He also was a regular on "The Dick Van Dyke Show," "The Addams Family" and "Gilligan's Island."

Don was 90.

RIP

Rob Gronkowski is no Eminem ... but he tried.

The NFL star ht up DJ Whoo Kid's "Whoolywood Shuffle" show with his WWE superstar pal, Mojo Rawley -- and decided to bust out a few freestyle bars over Biggie Smalls' "Hypnoitze" beat.

He rapped about Super Bowl rings. He rapped about chicks. He rapped about doorbells.

At the end, Gronk bragged that he wasn't bad for a "big ass white boy."

You be the judge.

Tom Brady had David Blaine over for dinner Wednesday and it was a healthy, carb-free meal -- GLASS!!

If you've ever compared Kim Kardashian's ass to a flotation device, turns out she agreed with you ... because it's literally for sale now.

Kim released a bunch of new Kimoji merch on her site Tuesday -- and we noticed she's selling a pool floatie in the shape of her epic ass, which retails for a cool $98 ... plus $10 shipping.

The Butt Pool Float is currently available for pre-order, and will ship as early as June (kinda late, no?). There's not much of a description for the product either ... butt it pretty much speaks for itself.

It's big, and it floats. Sort of like this.

Bill Cosby's hanging on to his sense of humor, apparently, as his sexual assault trial gets closer -- 'cause he was laughing it up Monday outside court.

Cosby was chuckling with his lawyers as they left the Montgomery County Courthouse. He was there to iron out details about what the jury will hear when his trial starts for allegedly drugging and molesting Andrea Constand in 2004. It's set to begin in early June, and last about 2 weeks.

Josh Altman gave one of Craig's menu items very high praise, and if his review holds up ... his wife should be giving birth any hour now -- she also might have had an orgasm.

We got the "Million Dollar Listing" star Saturday night heading into Craig's with his super pregnant wife, Heather. Josh had only one thing on his mind -- Heather pushing out that baby, which is now 5 days overdue.

He was hoping a particular dish would push her over the edge ... in more ways than one. Check out what Josh calls the magic meal.

Denver Broncos linebacker Brandon Marshall almost got TRUCKED by an elephant in Mozambique ... and the whole thing was caught on video.

The NFL star is on safari in Africa with fellow football players William Gay, Duke Ihenacho, Omar Bolden, Mike Adams and more.

During a day out in the bush, the gang came across a large African elephant -- which was beautiful and majestic -- until it started to charge!!!

Don't worry, it chilled out ... but Marshall was shook.

The gang soldiered on and encountered a LION later in the safari.

No one was eaten in the making of these videos.

Uber Bae is dealing with A LOT of collateral damage after her revenge tweet storm went viral -- including a threat of a lawsuit and a visit from cops ... so she says.

UB's real name is Bre -- she won't give up her last name -- and she says her ex-bf's mom is watching her every move ... threatening to sue Bre if she says his name or posts pics of him.

In case you missed the epic tale -- Bre tweeted Monday about her nightmare Uber shift. She picked up a girl at the airport who was heading to a bf's house, and when Bre realized it was actually HER guy's crib ... she busted him for cheating.

Bre eventually left the messy scene, but took the other woman's bags. That bit her in the ass with cops.

She says she's gotten some potentially lucrative offers out of the story -- which no one's been able to confirm, btw -- but more than anything, Uber Bae's learned going viral ain't always a good thing.

Shoulda consulted with Zola before tweeting.

Brandon Marshall could hardly believe it when we told him Jay Cutler posed for a nude pic on the beach in Mexico ... but when we SHOWED him, the NFL star lost his mind!

It's hilarious ... especially since Brandon has known Jay since they were drafted to the Broncos together back in 2006 and clearly didn't expect the QB to do anything like this!

Marshall even calls his wife over to look at the pic while laughing uncontrollably and ends with a funny message to Cutler.

Paul Walker could be standing tall in San Clemente thanks to some surfer bros who begged the City Council for a statue of their hero "in the midst of gnarly times."

Self-proclaimed freelance journalist Chad Kroeger made the pitch at last Tuesday's meeting, and his rationale for the 12 foot Paul statue is comedy gold ... and also, kinda touching. Chad's buddy gets up there too for some fond words on "unifying figure" Paul.

Dude, we can't even describe it ... you just have to watch this.

Kellyanne Conway watches Kate McKinnon's impressions of her on 'SNL' ... and she even has a favorite skit.

Kellyanne was arriving in D.C. Monday when a pap asked what she thinks of McKinnon lampooning her on almost every 'SNL' episode for months now. It's obvious KC is impressed because she had an answer locked and loaded.

NO. DAYS. OFF.