Justin Bieber I'm Retiring

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Justin Bieber is done with show biz ... so he says -- thing is, we don't believe him.

Justin was at Power 106 in L.A. today, and said after his next album drops he's retiring. The album comes out next week.

We talked to people in Bieber's camp and they said he was joking. As one source put it, "The kid's got ambition."

Since Justin appeared at The Laugh Factory last Friday, apparently he thinks he's on a comedy roll.

He already needs new material.

Michael Lohan Feed Lindsay False Stories for Book I'll Sue!

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Lindsay Lohan's new tell-all book project has a new wrinkle ... if she tells all she'll end up smack in the middle of a lawsuit between her mom and her dad.

Michael Lohan believes when it comes to writing about Lindsay's childhood, Dina Lohan will tell her daughter defamatory stories about Michael.

So we've learned Michael's lawyer just sent a threatening letter to Dina, reminding her about the gag order which was imposed in their divorce ... the gag order which states, ""The wife shall not, directly or indirectly, publish, or cause to be published, any diary, memoir, letter, story" blah blah blah involving her marriage to Michael.

As we reported, Michael has already warned Dina not to trash talk him in Dina's own tell-all book.

The Lohan's have a lot to tell, if they tell the truth.

So we gotta ask --

La Toya Jackson Calls BS I'm NOT Married!

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La Toya Jackson could not be clearer -- she's still a single lady, despite reports to the contrary.

Stories surfaced earlier this month ... proclaiming she got hitched to longtime BFF/business partner Jeffre Phillips.

Both La Toya and Jeffre made it clear as they left Katsuya in Hollywood ... they did NOT tie the knot. It looks like they're going the route of Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn -- sometimes that works better.

BTW ... La Toya is 57. Yeah, it kinda shocked us too.

R. Kelly I DID Pay Child Support ... Someone Set Me Up

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R. Kelly is not a child support dodging jerk ... so says R. Kelly AND his ex-wife Andrea Kelly -- and now the company who put him on blast for allegedly falling behind is backtracking.

Earlier today, The Custodial Support Foundation put out a press release saying "Hollywood Exes" star Andrea Kelly hired them to call out R. Kelly for falling behind on his child support -- but the singer's rep says their claim is BS ... and he's all paid up

Andrea's lawyer backs him up too ... telling TMZ his client says Kelly is up to date on his payments.

A rep for the C.S.F. tells us they're issuing a retraction to their story.

When a man pays up.

Jane Fonda I Didn't Screw Charities Out of $$

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Jane Fonda is NOT a cheapskate whose charity is a charade ... she's actually an extremely generous woman who continues to open her personal vault to worthy causes ... say the people on her team.

Fonda is president and chairman of the Jane Fonda Foundation ... which has been called out by media outlets for not making charitable donations over a recent 5-year period.

Jane donated huge sums back in 2004 and 2005 ... so much that it was supposed to cover the next 5 years, and the amount exceeds the minimum donation required by law ... Jane's people say.

There was, however, a glitch. In 2011 ... Jane dove back into her bank account to continue making donations. But someone goofed and paid it out of Jane's personal account rather than the foundation's. When the mistake came to light, the person who screwed up got the axe.

Foundation officials say that error has been corrected and they're all good now.

So how generous have they been this year? We're told the JFF and the Fonda Family Foundation have given out more than $500K to needy groups.

Bruce Jenner I'm Ditching My Adam's Apple

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Bruce Jenner is flattening his Adam's Apple ... TMZ has learned.

Sources familiar with the situation tell TMZ ... the Olympian met with a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon today for a consultation for a procedure called a Laryngeal Shave -- which smooths out the Adam's Apple.

The procedure is typically done on patients who are in the first stage of gender reassignment, but Bruce tells TMZ that is NOT the case with him. He says, "I just never liked my trachea."

We know this is Bruce's second visit to the office.

The doctor took photographs today and sources tell us surgery has been scheduled for early next year, but Bruce insists no surgery has been set yet -- it was just a consultation.

We got video (below) of Bruce earlier today leaving the doctor's office.

5:10PM PDT: Jenner just called TMZ and wanted to add this ... He says he initially went to the plastic surgeon because the basal cell carcinoma that was removed from his nose in September left a large scar that didn't heal well. He wanted plastic surgery for his nose, and says while he was there he consulted the doc on the Laryngeal Shave.

'SNL' Hopeful Secret Black Women Audition Was Just a Publicity Stunt

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Saturday Night Live's secret audition to find an African-American female was total BS -- at least according to one actress who tried out, but thinks it was only thrown together to quiet SNL's critics ... not to find a new cast member.

Comedian Tiffany Haddish tells TMZ the Dec. 2 talent search at The Groundlings Theatre in L.A. felt like it was a dog and pony show, partially because executive producer Lorne Michaels wasn't there -- and he's known to attend most auditions.

Other sources at the try-out tell us it seemed too conveniently timed -- coming on the heels of current cast members Jay Pharoah and Kenan Thompson publicly blasting 'SNL' producers for not hiring a Black female.

Jay even named names -- claiming 'SNL' producers blew off actress Darmirra Brunson after agreeing to give her a shot. Interestingly, Darmirra was at the L.A. audition.

If 'SNL' found the right chick ... they're not saying yet -- but Tiffany thinks "they already know who they want ... they're just wasting all these black women's time and gas money."

So, we gotta ask ...

Khloe Kardashian Lamar's Cheating Rap Was Last Straw

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Sharon Osbourne I Lied About My Hoo-Ha It's Not as Tight As You Thought

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Sharon Osbourne is taking full responsibility for misleading her fans about the tightness of her hoo-ha ... admitting she MADE UP the story about getting vaginal rejuvenation.

Osbourne appeared on "Howard Stern" on Sirius/XM this morning and exposed herself -- saying she was simply messing with Graham Norton when she recently told the BBC talk show host she had a surgical procedure to tighten up her lady junk.

"I made it up just to be flippant," Sharon said ... adding, "How could I do that after I've had so much ill health? Now I'm not gonna start putting scaffolding up my vagina?"

And now you know.

Julia Roberts The Maybe Baby Bump That Wasn't (aka Fun While It Lasted)

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Julia Roberts was looking mighty pregnant based on some new photos, and the expert medical opinions -- of thousands of people ... in and out of our newsroom.

Apparently, we all need to brush up on our OB/GYN skills.

Seacrest's New Chick Bikini Modeling Debut ON A FREEZING BEACH

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Ryan Seacrest's new lady Shayna Taylor nearly FROZE TO DEATH during her first big modeling shoot yesterday -- stripping down to a tiny bikini on an L.A. beach in the middle of the winter -- but even though it was cold outside, the photo shoot was hot as hell.

As we reported, the 23-year-old smokeshow just signed with a huge modeling agency thanks to the publicity she's gotten from allegedly dating the "American Idol" host.

Check the video ... she's a natch ... but she still needs a little coaching from the photographer.

FYI, it was roughly 45 degrees in L.A. yesterday by the water ... which is like -76 degrees for Angelenos.

Julia Roberts I'm EXPECTING... A Lot Of Pregnancy Questions

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It's a lot for Julia Roberts to stomach ... questions that she's pregnant again.

Julia was with hubby Danny Moder at his parents' home in LA ... and something was poppin' out of her baggy sweater.

Julia and Danny have 3 kids ... at age 46 -- she wouldn't the first middle-aged celeb to pop out a papoose ... Halle Berry, Uma Thurman, Mariah Carey and Madonna all had babies in their 40s.

Check out the pics above ... and then the Clooney pic from early last month.

So we gotta ask ...

Seacrest's New Chick Scores HUGE Modeling Contract Thanks to Ryan Hook Up

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Ryan Seacrest still has the Midas touch ... 'cause his sexy new rebound chick just inked a deal with one of the biggest modeling agencies on the planet.

TMZ has learned Shayna Taylor -- a.k.a. Ryan's hot new blonde -- signed a 2-year deal with Wilhelmina Models yesterday.

We're told Shayna's Instagram BLEW UP with new followers following the Thanksgiving holiday she spent with Ryan and his family in Argentina ... and the modeling agency took notice.

Plus, she's really hot.

A rep for Wilhemina tells us they believe Shayna has "huge potential in the fitness and lifestyle world."

Shayna is publicly saying she and Ryan are just friends -- but, c'mon ... what kind of friends travel around the world together with Seacrest's parents.

Especially when one of the friends looks this damn hot in a bikini.

Justin Bieber My Bodyguard Did NOT Throw a Man Down Hotel Stairs

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Justin Bieber's bodyguard is being accused of throwing a fan's father down the stairs of an Australian hotel yesterday ... but TMZ has learned the whole story is BS.

A rep for the Western Australia Police tells TMZ they are not aware of any incident involving Bieber's security team tossing a guy down a flight of stairs Friday at the Hyatt Hotel in Perth -- despite reports claiming they responded to the incident.

According to reports ... the dad yelled at security for disrespecting his daughter so the bodyguard tossed him through a door with a set of stairs behind it.

Sources close to Bieber tell us ... a dad and his kids wanted to meet Bieber and demanded the hotel show him where the singer was. The guy started yelling ... so he was swiftly escorted from the building.

And not with a Hulk-like throw down the stairs.

Paul Walker Death Image in Burning Porsche Video is NOT Paul

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Paul Walker did NOT make a final desperate attempt to escape the burning wreckage -- and the image seen in video shot right after the crash is definitely NOT Paul ... TMZ has learned.

There had been rampant speculation and buzz on the Internet that a shadowy figure seen around 23 seconds into the video of the burning Porsche Carrera GT ... was Walker trying to get out of the vehicle, but sources connected to the investigation now say it just isn't so ... for several reasons.

First, the sources tell us that, based on photographs of the wreckage ... Paul's body was pinned in an area of the car that makes it clear he couldn't have been flailing outside the vehicle.

Also ...we're told that based on the injuries he suffered, Paul died within a nanosecond of impact, and therefore it's impossible for the image in the video to be him.

It's not clear how long after impact the video starts, but clearly more than a nanosecond.

As for what the image really is -- we're told law enforcement has watched the video, and based on evidence from the crash site ... it appears to be a part of the car's roof burning.

'ATL Housewife' OFFICIALLY DIVORCED Kordell Slams Porsha One Last Time

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The nasty divorce between "Real Housewives of Atlanta" star Porsha Williams and Kordell Stewart is officially over ... and Kordell says he couldn't be more thrilled to get such a horrible person out of his life.

TMZ spoke with Kordell's lawyer, Shiel Edlin, who tells us the divorce has been finalized ... ending the 2-and-a-half year marriage between the former NFL player and the Bravo reality star.

Kordell's lawyer says Stewart is "very disappointed" the marriage fell apart, because he expected to be married for life."

But the former Pittsburgh Steelers star is clearly still FUMING after Porsha began reigniting rumors that Kordell is gay. Kordell adamantly denied the allegations.

"For reasons we cannot understand, [Porsha] displayed a reckless abandonment of anything close to the truth over the last eight months," Kordell's lawyer tells us.

"We are also hopeful that Porsha will stop villifying Kordell at every opportunity."

The two were married in 2011. They have no children together.