Humor

Arnold Schwarzenegger should be put in charge if aliens ever invade our planet ... according to 2,000 adults in Great Britain.

"The Terminator" star and ex-California Governor topped the list of 20 celebs and public figures in a British survey of who'd be best equipped to handle the doomsday scenario ... with Will Smith coming in at #2.

Both actors are known for their badass movie roles in which they battle bizarre creatures, but apparently Arnold's political experience as "Governator" gave him the edge over Smith's film experience in "Independence Day" and "Men in Black."

Rounding out the top 5 on the list were beloved Brit, Sir David Attenborough, followed by Bruce Willis and Tom Cruise.

Ex-President Donald Trump was the top current politician at #8 -- just behind Harrison Ford and "Alien" star Sigourney Weaver. The bad news for British Prime Minister Boris Johnson is the UK survey put him all the way down at #12.

Apparently, the polled Brits have even less faith, though, in America's current administration ... when it comes to handling aliens. VP Kamala Harris came in at #19, while President Biden was last at #20.

The BLAZE TV channel that commissioned the survey says Arnold is a strong top choice, but adds ... "it’s worrying to see that so many celebrities with fictional alien experience are considered by many to be better candidates than our current crop of world leaders."

The same study also found 11 percent of the adults surveyed believe they have seen a UFO ... so maybe take all of this with a grain of salt? Yeah, for sure.

Shaquille O’Neal’s first experience with IcyHot is something he will literally NEVER forget!!

The NBA legend shared the hysterical (and painful) story on the “Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend” podcast … explaining he was once forced to leave an NBA game early after a team trainer used the blue gel “too high” when treating an injured leg.

“I always used to see IcyHot in the locker room, and one day I kind of had like a thigh bruise, and the guy rubbed it, but he rubbed it too high.”

“During the game, my little guys started getting hot -- like, really hot. Like, I thought something was wrong.”

Shaq says the pain eventually got so intense ... he couldn't continue hooping.

“It got to the point where I was like, 'Hey man, I think I need a doctor. My little guys are on fire.'"

O'Neal says he left the court and made a beeline for the showers ... but the water only spread the IcyHot around ... making the situation wayyyy worse.

Thankfully, Shaq says there was a janitor in the locker room ... who suggested he use milk to kill the burn.

“So now I'm in the shower pouring milk on my boys and the guys coming in, they're looking at me like, 'What the hell are you doing?'"

The milk? Well, it worked ... and Shaq knew firsthand the pain-relieving product did too.

So, he signed an endorsement deal with the company ... and many years and big checks later, Big Diesel still works with the brand.

Tiffany Haddish and Nicki Minaj got beef ... it sure seems like it anyway, after the comedian threw some major shade at the rapper.

Tiffany was partaking in a Clubhouse chat recently when a guy compared her to Nicki -- calling her the "Nicki Minaj of comedy right now." Haddish wasn't having it.

After another voice in the discussion suggested Tiffany's better than Nicki because she "shows up on time," Tiff chimed in herself with ... "And unlike Nicki, I treat everybody with respect and dignity."

If it seems like this is coming out of left field -- that's not entirely true. The 2 ladies have a little bit of history dating back to the 2018 VMAs, when Tiffany, a presenter, made a joke about the group Fifth Harmony.

Nicki took exception to the diss, and later defended her friend in the group, telling Tiff ... "Don't be coming for Fifth Harmony because Normani is that bitch!"

Don Rickles' widow, Barbara has passed ... and on a momentous day in their relationship.

Sources close to the family tell TMZ ... Barb passed away Sunday after being hospitalized last week. We're told she'd been battling non-Hodgkin's lymphoma and other ailments in recent years.

Our sources tell us this touching detail as well ... Barbara apparently held on to life until Sunday, which would've marked the 56th wedding anniversary of her and Don. They'd been married for 52 years prior to his passing in 2017.

Don and Barbara were good old-fashioned Hollywood sweethearts -- and were pretty much partners as Don navigated showbiz in the '60s, '70s and beyond. Barbara served as an EP for a re-release of a comedy show of Don's called 'Don Rickles Live in Concert.' She also appeared alongside him as herself in documentaries and other TV specials over the years.

The story goes that Don met Barbara through his agent, and hit it off.  They were in love and pretty much inseparable. Don always spoke highly of Barbara, once telling Al Roker that he was completely devoted to her and she was his life.

Don's death hit Barbara hard, but she remembered him fondly online ... taking over Don's Twitter account and posting messages on both their wedding and his death anniversary. A couple years back she wrote, "Saturday April 6th will be the 2nd Anniversary of my Don’s passing. It is a very difficult time, but reading your kind Tweets is so helpful. Yes I read them all. Don would have been so pleased to know how much joy & laughter he gave to so many during his lifetime.  RIP ❤️ Barbara."

The couple had two children together, including screenwriter Larry Rickles ... who died in 2011. She's survived by her daughter and grandchildren. Barbara was 84.

Fox News host Greg Gutfeld really had to use the bathroom, so he broke out in song about his need to relieve ... his bladder, and he did it live on the air.

Ya gotta see the hilarious moment ... Greg's on camera during "The Five," and his mic is hot as he starts singing about having to pee. It seems he doesn't realize they're back from commercial, and although his colleagues try to alert him ... oops!!!

Turns out, he had reason to sing ... after the fact he tweeted confirmation of what went down as soon as he got off-camera.

Greg is known for a segment about litter boxes, and his co-hosts cracked a few jokes about him needing one himself.

Rich people shaming other rich people NEVER GETS OLD!!

Case in point ... here's Daymond John outing one of his fellow "Shark Tank" stars whose credit card was DECLINED at a fancy dinner -- and all signs point to MARK CUBAN!!!!

"A card was declined and it was somebody that is the last person that I ever think a card would be declined," Daymond said on Rich Eisen's new "Just Getting Started" podcast.

"And there was obviously a reason ... but I was like, '[clears throat] I’m going to get this one, so that I can go down in history saying that I paid for your check!'"

Then Daymond dropped another clue ...

"And, if you knew how the Sharks talk, you can tell -- if you’re in sports -- he said 'Whatever, DJ,' you know who that is, of course."

IT'S DEFINITELY MARK CUBAN!!!

Of course, Cuban is currently worth around $4.4 BILLION, according to Forbes ... so the declined card was most likely a mistake (it's not like the dude doesn't have the funds)!

But still, Daymond loved EVERY SECOND OF IT -- and now he can brag that he picked up Cuban's check in the Dallas Mavericks owner's moment of need.

At the end of the interview, Eisen tells Daymond -- "You tell Cuban, pay his bills!"

Daymond smiles and replies, "You said it, not I. I didn’t say the name, you said it."

Tiffany Haddish has the BEST, and funniest, take yet on Meghan Markle's interview -- complete with a shout out to Queen Elizabeth, and ... Jerry Seinfeld!!! Yeah, it's that kinda clip.

So, we got Tiff Wednesday night on her way out of Catch LA in WeHo, and when we brought up the Duchess of Sussex, she made one thing clear ... "I believe anything a Black woman says!" She added, Meghan "didn't lie on the Queen. She respects the Queen."

Now, you really gotta see HOW she says all this, because it's fair to say Tiff probably enjoyed a drink or 2 at dinner -- and the guys helping her into her car know this. They tried, but ya just can't contain Tiff's comedy.

Just watch, because that's the only way to understand how she got from Meghan and the Queen to ... owning her own microscope!!! Trust us, it'll make sense.

Oh, and Seinfeld? That's about Tiffany's Grammy nom, and she's got plenty to say about that too.

Jordan Spieth -- one of the best golfers on the planet -- paused his practice round Tuesday to hear a speech about him from a child fan ... and the adorable scene was all caught on video!!

Spieth had been working his way around the TPC Sawgrass course in Florida in preparation for this week's PGA Tour event ... when out of nowhere, a little kid caught the 27-year-old's attention.

"Hey, Jordan!" the child yelled. "I'm doing a report on you at school, do you want to hear my speech?"

Jordan -- one of the sweetest guys on Tour -- obliged ... and then the kid delivered greatness!!

For around a minute, the child recited fact after fact about Jordan ... missing no details and not stumbling a single time -- and Jordan LOVED IT!!!

When the kid finished, everyone clapped ... and Spieth hooked him up with a signed ball and a glove!!

Unclear what the kid scored on his class project ... but we're guessing an A was given.

Because, come on, did you see the Masters outfit he wore for the classroom address???

Close only counts in horseshoes, hand grenades AND the NBA Dunk Contest ... 'cause Blazers guard Anfernee Simons took home the top honors Sunday night after nearly kissing the rim!!!

The 21-year-old edged out Knicks rookie Obi Toppin and Pacers rookie Cassius Stanley to win it all during halftime of the All-Star Game ... showing off his INSANE hops in the process.

Simons' first dunk may have been the most creative of the night -- he grabbed the ball off a mini hoop 2 feet higher than the rim and brought it home for the slam.

There was a bit of controversy in the first round -- many believed Stanley's between-the-legs slam deserved a better score ... but ultimately, scored lowest out of the first three dunks.

Simons' second dunk was a tribute to one of his idols, Tracy McGrady -- throwing on a T-Mac throwback Raptors jersey for a one-bounce 360 dunk, which was good enough to earn him a spot in the finals.

Simons secured the win after his lips came within inches of the rim on his last attempt ... and even though his goal was to actually make contact with the rim, but at least it was enough to take home the hardware.

"In practice, I never actually kissed the rim, but I was like ... 'I gotta commit to it,'" Simons told the media after the contest.

"I tried to put a mouthpiece in last-minute, but it didn't fit in my mouth. I just scratched, and I'm just going to emphasize the smooch face so people know I'm next to the rim and trying to kiss it."

As if the past year hasn't been brutal enough, famed 16th century seer Nostradamus predicted 2021 will be the year of the zombie apocalypse ... but the CDC's got ya covered.

It sounds crazy, but just in case, the CDC has updated its website's "Zombie Preparedness" section -- which it launched in 2011 -- to advise people on how to prepare for disasters or emergencies ... ya know, like fighting off the undead.

While the CDC makes it clear it's not expecting a real-life "World War Z" or "Walking Dead" situation to arise, it says its tongue-in-cheek zombie campaign "has proven to be a very effective platform."

It adds ... "We continue to reach and engage a wide variety of audiences on all hazards preparedness via 'zombie preparedness'."

So, what kind of tips does it have for getting ready for disasters, zombie, or otherwise? The overall theme is "Get a Kit. Make a Plan. Be Prepared." ... which boils down to having an emergency stash at home of food, water and first aid supplies to last at least 3 days. It also suggests backup power sources, medical records on hand and extra prescription meds.

Sounds like your basic earthquake or tornado emergency plan, right? But, then the CDC adds ... "Although you’re a goner if a zombie bites you, you can use these supplies to treat basic cuts and lacerations that you might get during a tornado or hurricane." So, yeah ... they're leaning into this.

Shaquille O'Neal made his highly-anticipated return to the squared circle at AEW Dynamite on Wednesday ... and MAN, WAS IT A SHOW!!!

The 7'1" NBA legend and Jade Cargill got into the ring against Cody Rhodes and Red Velvet in an epic mixed tag-team match ... and we gotta be honest, Shaq looked good!!

Of course, O'Neal has spent time training at Rhodes' "Nightmare Factory" recently ... and he clearly learned a thing or two -- showing off some solid chops and other moves.

The craziest moment of the 10-plus minute showdown came when Rhodes jumped over the ropes and onto Shaq ... forcing both to crush through two tables outside the ring!!!

While all that chaos went down, Jade was able to handle business for her team and pin Red Velvet ... helping secure the victory with Shaq!!

As for the "Inside The NBA" analyst, he was taken away in an ambulance ... but ended up disappearing later on in the show.

The "Dynamite" appearance marks the first time Shaq has taken the ring since the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal at WrestleMania 32 in 2016 ... and it was well worth the wait.

RIP, tables.

Bill Cosby's contributions to Black culture cannot be ignored just because his legacy's tarnished ... that's what Cedric The Entertainer believes anyway.

According to the comedian, Cosby was THE role model for Black people for so many years -- paving the way for others to follow his lead -- so it's impossible to ignore the positive impact he's had on the community.

Cedric lists many examples of how the guy once referred to as "America's Dad" was a trailblazer not only in entertainment, but in life ... and even suggests today's moguls like Jay-Z and Tyler Perry have Cosby to thank for their status.

Cedric's remarks come after he shared a video series called "Black History in Comedy" -- in which he gave props to comedians like Bernie Mac, Richard Pryor and Eddie Murphy along with Cosby.

Ced makes it clear his feelings have nothing to do with Cosby's current situation -- as you know, Cosby's currently in prison for a sexual assault conviction -- and he's not pushing for redemption.

The comedian seems to simply believe the good should be taken with the bad when it comes to Cosby, and he's able to compartmentalize.

Cosby's responded to Cedric already on Twitter, saying ... "I plan to do more, too. Thank you very much for feeling, knowing & keeping the legacy alive through your great work."

Cosby's rep, Andrew Wyatt, tells TMZ ... he has another not-so-humble message for Cedric, which is that ... "Cedric is a king of comedy but I'm the original king of comedy. When I get out -- I can't wait to show him how's it done."

Nick Jonas hosted 'SNL' Saturday night, and someone in the audience had an urgent question whose answer could spell financial collapse ... and the questioner was Kevin.

Nick's bro fired off a question at his bandmate ... specifically, whether they were indeed still bandmates. In other words, Nick's releasing solo music, appearing solo on shows like 'SNL' ... so is this a soon-to-be Reelz episode of "Breaking the Band?"

Kevin has immediate needs after all ... he just bought a house, so he sounds a little cash-strapped.

Nick gave him some assurance they were not dunzo, but watch and judge for yourself.

Coming to you live from CPAC 2021, we present ... Flavor Flav and Chuck D of Public Enemy!!! Er, sorry -- nope, it's actually Roger Stone and MC TRUMPISTHECHOSENONE.

Check out this bizarre scene that was captured Saturday at the annual conservative convention -- where a recently-pardoned Stone was spotted getting his groove and hype man on next to a rapper who was putting on a song and dance, which appears to be an original.

No word on the name of the song, but based on what sounds like the chorus ... it could be "Feds Did a Sweep." There's more talk of Trump than the feds though ... a lot more.

Listen to this dude's lyrics -- which Stone seems to LOVE as he bobs back and forth to the beat. The guy's talking about "Trump 2021" and "running it back," while also touching on the Capitol insurrection ... calling those guys "patriots," and name-dropping Michael Flynn too.

Then comes the bridge ... "Who won? Trump won! Who won? Trump won! Watermark the baddest, 45 the chosen one." There's more, but we'll just let you listen for yourself.

Of course, there's also the Rambo Trump-themed monster truck behind them ... which is another convo. And, when Stone flashes the Nixon double peace sign, it officially dives into parody.

Joel McHale has a message for his favorite team ... and it's pretty simple -- DON'T TRADE RUSSELL WILSON!!!

TMZ Sports got the comedian and diehard Seattle fan out at LAX this week ... and he made it very clear, if the Hawks trade Russ, he's going to be pissed!!

"He's 1 in a billion," Joel said of the Seahawks superstar. "And, he's also a great guy."

Of course, a Wilson trade has gone from seemingly improbable to very real this week ... after Russ' agent, Mark Rodgers, told ESPN the QB is open to a trade to the Cowboys, Saints, Bears or Raiders.

And, with Russ reportedly unhappy with the Seahawks over, among other things, personnel decisions ... it really might go down -- but McHale is hoping everything gets repaired soon.

In fact, Joel says he's not pushing the panic button yet ... and believes his favorite team will work it all out with his favorite player.

"I would be very sad," McHale said of a potential Wilson trade. "They need to put up statues of him for what he's done for the city. But, he's not -- I don't think he's leaving."

FYI -- Joel might have some real power to sway Russ to stay ... the guys are pretty good friends and even had a long chat about life during a funny interview back in July.

If Sen. Ted Cruz swung by his crib at any point Sunday, he would've seen the brigade of standing musicians in sombreros ... reminding him what he was missing in Mexico.

Somebody hired a mariachi band to swing by Ted's Houston home yesterday, where the fellas were cranking out Mexican tunes from the sidewalk, quite loudly -- with a crowd of neighbors and spectators forming around them and enjoying the vibes.

Unclear if Ted was around to take in the show himself -- we know he'd been out and about, helping distribute supplies to Texans devastated by the winter storm ... albeit, several days after first going to Cancun with his family.

As we reported, Cruz did a quick U-turn after touching down last week -- and, at first, tried blaming the whole thing on the will of his daughters, and his desire to be a good dad. He eventually just copped to it ... calling the whole thing a mistake in hindsight.