You Might Want to Rethink

The worst decision you've ever made doesn't compare to the two women who DID NOT pick Jon Hamm on a dating show waaaaay before he hit it big.

Back in 1996, 25-year-old Hamm looked like Don Draper -- if he was in the witness protection program -- when he went on a show called "The Big Date" ... hosted by Mark L. Walberg, who now hosts "Antiques Roadshow."

The folks at Lighthearted Entertainment unearthed this clip where a surfer dude-looking Hamm
gets passed over for TWO other guys ... one of 'em even had frosted tips!

Brooke Burke Charvet was so afraid her car would veer into oncoming traffic yesterday, that she drove it up a hill and into a fence on purpose ... to avoid a bad accident.

Brooke got into a minor accident yesterday in Malibu and scratched up her sweet Maserati. Cops were suspicious enough that they gave her a field sobriety test.

But Brooke was stone cold sober, explaining the ABS system on her Maserati had failed. She said her only concern was for the safety of the small children in her car ... and that's why she drove it into a fence ... rather than risk hitting another car.

An artist who defaced several works of famed graffiti artist Banksy has been charged with the crime of vandalism -- which is pretty incredible since Banksy's collection is itself an act of vandalism.

David William Noll has been charged with FELONY vandalism. According to the criminal complaint -- obtained by TMZ -- Noll defaced 2 of Banksy's most famous works -- Girl on Swing and Peeing Dog.

The L.A. County D.A. filed FOUR separate vandalism charges, because Noll allegedly defaced both works and 5 days later went back and used paint remover on the walls. Max penalty -- 5 years in prison.

Noll could end up on L.A.'s stupidest criminals list ... because he recorded himself painting over Banksy's art, and then posted it on YouTube. The LAPD got a search warrant to get his info from YouTube, and then nabbed the 35-year-old at his mom's house in Modesto.

We asked the D.A. why they didn't also charge Banksy, since he too was a vandal ... and a bragger at that.

The D.A. says the only way they will prosecute for vandalism is if the property owner complains -- and Banksy got lucky ... no one complained about his art ... but they definitely weren't into Noll's handiwork.

According to the LAPD police report ... the company that owns the Girl On Swing building -- a jeweler called Tarina Tarantino -- believes Banksy's work increased the value of the property by $650,000.

Oksana Grigorieva isn't getting her massive debts excused that easily ... the person overseeing her bankruptcy case is scoffing at her expenses ... especially items like $90 a month for gopher patrol.

Oksana is asking the bankruptcy judge to cut her a massive break with a $438,000 hole she dug for herself with various creditors.

Her justification for getting a pass -- she has lots of necessary monthly expenses.

But the bankruptcy trustee begs to differ, saying some of the items are downright frivolous, including:

-- $2,000 a month in home maintenance
-- $750 in electricity and heating
-- $300 cell phone
-- $300 personal care
-- $90 a month for gopher patrol

And the trustee notes something suspicious ... just before filing for bankruptcy, Oksana ran up her credit card bill from zero to more than $51,000.

Zac Efron doesn't have any problems with drugs ... at least that's what Zac Efron thinks, according to his friends -- who say anyone telling him otherwise is quickly 86'ed.

TMZ has learned the actor's friends are scared to broach the subject of Zac's sobriety ... because not only will they be ignored -- but they say anyone who makes an attempt is cut from Efron's life.

We're told Zac refuses to believe he's on a destructive path ... and one of his friends tells us they think he could become the next Cory Monteith if he doesn't get help.

As we previously reported ... Zac's friends say he never went to a real rehab facility last year. Instead, they say he received private therapy at a friends house.

TMZ was flooded with emails and phone calls this morning tipping us off that Johnny Depp just married Amber Heard ... but now we know they were all fooled by a PHENOMENAL impersonator.

A guy who looks just like Jack Sparrow tied the knot yesterday at the Ventura County Courthouse. It was a real marriage ... not a hoax.

The guy was a DEAD RINGER for Depp (above) ... even dressed just like him. Everyone thought he was really Johnny ... and lots of Depp fans took pics with him.

Let's hope the wedding video comes out better than the "Pirates of the Caribbean" sequels.

Jews don't play football, they RUN football ... so says Kiss frontman Gene Simmons.

The rock legend -- who happens to be both Jewish and the owner of a football team -- was leaving The Ivy in L.A. when he explained why there seem to be more Hebrews up in the owner's boxes than on the field.

Simmons also talked about the gynecology-meets-football ad campaign for his Arena League football team, The L.A. Kiss -- and said they had to SCALE BACK on the original concept because it was too edgy for TV.

Nude pics of Terrell Owens' estranged wife have popped up on the Internet ... and she's hinting that T.O. may be responsible for leaking them.

The photos of Rachel Snider hit Twitter today showing the ex-postal worker posing for bathroom selfies ... some topless, some bottomless ... and some that look like they're straight out of Hustler.

Gotta say ... some of 'em do make ya think T.O. should try to patch things up.

Snider confirmed the pics are definitely her, but adds they were taken for T.O. ... and intended for his eyes only.

Translation: she thinks he could be connected to the the Twitter handle sending out the pics.

Rachel says she's contacted Twitter HQ to report the user behind the x-rated tweets, but so far they're still up.

T.O.'s rep hasn't responded to our calls for comment.

It's pretty much impossible not to laugh at this -- Arnold Schwarzenegger completely losing his crap while trying to do the Nae Nae on TV ... and then taking it up a notch ... with the Stanky Legg.

Arnold and Joe Manganiello just appeared on BET's "106 & Park" to promote their new movie together -- and hosts Bow Wow and Keshia put the guys' dance moves to the test.

"Scandal" star Columbus Short has been arrested MULTIPLE TIMES for VIOLENT behavior ... involving women, kids, basketball opponents and random bar people.

1. Short was arrested for physically attacking his wife in front of his children. The incident occurred back in February at his Woodland Hills home at around 2 AM. According to legal docs, Short and his wife started arguing and it got physical. Short's kids -- a 2-year-old and 10-year-old -- were watching. He's been charged with spousal battery. Prosecutors also charged him with child abuse because of the emotional trauma the kids suffered by watching. Short pled not guilty on Tuesday.

2. Short was arrested 2 weeks later in Chatsworth, CA. According to the police report, Short and his wife got into a heated argument and he allegedly pushed her.

3. And less than a month later -- on March 15 -- Short was involved in a bar fight. TMZ broke the story ... Short allegedly cold-cocked a man at an engagement party, breaking his nose and rendering him unconscious. As we just reported ... there is now a warrant out for his arrest in connection with this incident.

4. But there's more. We found out Short was prosecuted for a brutal attack on an L.A. basketball court in 2010. He sucker punched a player, bashing his teeth in and cutting him badly. Short pled no contest to disturbing the peace. He had been charged with aggravated battery but that was dismissed.

The juror who caused a mistrial in Da Brat's assault case by lying about his citizenship -- just got the legal equivalent of high school detention ... because the judge ordered him TO WRITE AN ESSAY as punishment.

We broke the story ... Dante Leon Chavarria was held in contempt after the judge found out he had lied about being a U.S. citizen when he was called for jury duty.

Chavarria spent two days in the slammer for causing the mistrial. But even worse than that ... the judge ordered him to write an essay on the origins and importance of the U.S. Jury system ... and read it aloud in open court.

Chavarria's lawyer tells TMZ ... Chavarria didn't mean to lie ... he's a Mexican citizen who's here in the U.S. legally on a visa ... and had simply been confused by the judge's questions.

We're told Chavarria was nervous reading his essay aloud since English isn't his first language ... but the judge seemed satisfied and we're told there won't be any more criminal charges.

Some people glam it up for a trip to LAX, knowing paparazzi will be there ready to snap their photo.

Britney Spears is not one of those people.

It's her prerogative.

Ray J just pissed off millions of people -- one woman in particular -- after he compared her to a character from "Planet of the Apes."

Ray J Instagrammed the above photo Friday, writing the caption, "I usually don't go this hard but ... This chick look exactly like a character on Planet of the Apes."

He has since deleted the post -- but the fan he targeted (a woman named Tina Chastang) tells TMZ, she was mortified when he singled her out on his page.

In fairness, Tina admits she egged Ray J on a little, posting inflammatory comments on his Instagram like, "Ray J you are irrelavant. Why dont you stop worry about Kim Kardashian. Why dont you talk about you being gay." But she insists he didn't fight fair.

Anne Hathaway did not want her photo taken this weekend in Miami ... so she went to RIDICULOUS lengths to make sure the paps did not get their shot.

Hathaway was in town to promote her new movie, "Rio 2," when she took a little time to hit the beach and tan her pale skin with hubby Adam Schulman.

But when it came time to leave, the couple used a slew of guys to escort them off the beach ... using a makeshift traveling towel blockade to shield them from the paparazzi.

The move was almost as outlandish as the time at LAX when she sat in a stranger's car for 30 seconds rather than have her picture taken.

"Bad Girls Club" star Stephanie Rivera loves big butts (she cannot lie) ... telling TMZ she plans to get a big new ass to go along with her big new boobs.

Rivera says she's going under the knife Sunday in Miami for a Brazilian Butt Lift -- a process in which a doctor sucks fat out of her abdomen, back and love handles ... and then injects it into her derriere to give her a sexier, hourglass shape.

Stephanie -- who recently got her B-size breasts augmented to full C's -- says she couldn't get the shape she wanted by working out ... so she's getting the BBL to take care of her excess flab and her sorry-ass ass at the same time.

Her doctor -- Michael Salzhauer -- tells TMZ, "Curvy is the new sexy," ... and says JLo, Kim K and Nikki Minaj have the butts women ask for most.

Fun fact: Salzhauer says more than 10,000 U.S. women got BBLs last year ... and about 5% of his patients are men.