Humor

12:50 PM PT -- A source at the Palace tells us the photo posted by the reporter is not Meghan and it's not her dog either. The mess is someone else's s**t.

Meghan Markle might be a royal now, but her pup ain't nothin' but a hound dog who's still gotta handle his business ... even if it's on Kensington Palace grounds.

Entertainment reporter Lisa Petrillo tweeted a photo of Meghan Wednesday in what she describes as "outside the entrance to (her and Harry's) private residence" within Kensington Palace. You can see Meghan letting her dog poop right there out in the open.

It sounds like Petrillo approached Meghan and engaged her, 'cause she notes in her tweet that she "couldn't have been sweeter." Meghan also apparently picked up her dog's mess, with Petrillo using the hashtag #princessespickuppooptoo.

As funny as the pic is, there are two questions at play -- first, was Meghan's dog actually s****ing on the Palace grounds? The short answer is yes. We know there are public and private parts of Kensington Palace, and if Meghan was just outside her private entrance, it would appear she was on the public end of it. Still counts as royal territory.

Perhaps more importantly, whose dog is this exactly?

Paul McCartney and John Lennon were SUPER tight in their coming-of-age days ... when all they needed was self-love.

The legendary Beatles star spoke about the early years of The Beatles and what the boys did to pass the time ... including sitting around masturbating together.

McCartney told GQ he was over at Lennon's place with a small group of friends ... "And instead of just getting roaring drunk and partying -- I don't even know if we were staying over or anything -- we were all just in these chairs, and the lights were out, and somebody started masturbating, so we all did."

Paul says in order to inspire more enjoyable twisting, they would all shout out names of sexy celebs to think about -- like Brigitte Bardot ... before John killed the mood by bringing up Winston Churchill.

The singer says this session of please pleasing themselves was a onetime thing -- maybe two -- but it wasn't a big deal ... just kids being kids, he says. He adds ... "But it was good harmless fun. It didn't hurt anyone. Not even Brigitte Bardot."

So that's what they meant by "Here, There and Everywhere."

Swaggy Wolfdog blessed his owner with a brand new Rolls-Royce … but the pup should’ve been behind the wheel, ‘cause boneheaded humans already messed up his rims!!!

We got the husky and his owner, Swagr Man, showing off the $400,000 ride … and it’s all fun and games until the crew tries to drive off … that’s when the luxury car hits a parking space divider and dings the chromed out rims.

Lucky for Swaggy, he was in the back seat unharmed.

If hoops don't work out for Blake Griffin ... he's got the official stamp of approval from comedian Nikki Glaser to move to the stand-up mic -- 'cause she's telling TMZ Sports Blake is LEGIT funny.

"Oh, he could totally be a comedian if he wanted to be," she says. "I wouldn't say that about anyone."

Remember ... Blake went head-to-head in a roast battle with Jeff Ross earlier this summer -- and killed it ... telling Jeff at one point, "You're such a bald piece of sh*t. It honestly looks like we both got f**ked over by the Clippers."

Nikki just so happened to be a judge for that battle ... and when we got her outside Hollywood Improv earlier this week -- she says she was straight-up mad that B.G. was so good.

"You see someone that handsome and just that talented in his own profession and it's like, 'Stay in your lane!'" Nikki tells us.

"And, you want him to be bad at comedy. You want someone that's killing it in their own life, tall and has everything -- you want them to be not funny, and then he was really funny. Like, really funny."

Shepard Smith is having a little fun at President Trump's expense -- mocking his inability to say the word "anonymous."

The FOX News host took the subtle dig Friday during his show, purposefully stumbling over the word that gave Trump so much trouble during his Montana rally. The funniest part might be Shepard's deadpan deliver.

Somehow he kept a straight face while butchering the word "amomamous" in reference to The New York Times op-ed author who claims Trump staffers are actively working to undermine 45.

Warning: Avoid playing cards with Shepard. Killer poker face.

10:20 AM PT -- Tesla's stock plummeted as much as 10 percent and was down 6.9 percent at the time of this update, on the heels of Elon's smoke sesh and news that 2 senior execs are leaving the company.

The signs were always there, but now we know for sure Elon Musk likes to smoke ganja.

Elon got high as the clouds with Joe Rogan, blazing it up on camera Thursday as they talked about Tesla's plans for an airplane.

Joe sparks up a blunt -- marijuana rolled in tobacco -- and Elon takes a monster rip.

Pass the Dutchie!!!

There were always hints Elon was a fan of Mary J, and now we have our proof!

Dude launches rockets into space, sent a car to Mars blasting David Bowie's "Space Oddity" and thought about taking Tesla private at $420.

Nothing wrong with a little herbal medication, right?!?!

Did you know ... ESPN's Lee Corso was Burt Reynolds' college roommate back in the day?

It's true -- the two lived together at Florida State when Burt was a member of the Seminoles football team. And, according to Lee, Burt would often help him out with the ladies!

Lee used to tell the story when talking to college athletes back in the day -- and recounted it at a football event back in 2007.

"We would send him out for bait," Corso said ... "He would go to the student union and bring two girls back. One was gorgeous and the other one was ugly."

"He always took the beautiful girl ... and gave me the ugly one."

"But, you know what I found out early? Burt Reynolds' ugly girlfriends were better than anything I could get on my own."

The U.S. Open tennis fan who disgusted viewers by dunking chicken tenders in soda says her quirky, acquired taste will become socially acceptable ... if someone would just invent a new condiment!!

Alexa Greenfield tells TMZ ... she's been dunking her tenders in ice cold Coca-Cola since she was young and her dad told her it was a way to cool the food down (so really, this is all his fault).

She says she knew it was strange, so she gave up the habit for years when she became an adult. That is, until she said screw it ... the heart stomach wants what it wants!

Alexa's fully aware most people find her cola dunking disgusting, but adds the right dipping sauce would make people realize Coca-Cola flavoring is "really actually good."

As for her notorious TV moment, Alexa tells us she was with her nephews, and told them to keep her dipping routine a secret, but the U.S. Open cameras blew up her spot.

Forget Roger Federer ... the real show at the U.S. Open was in the stands -- where Joe Jonas was slammin' beers and making out with his smokin' hot fiancee, Sophie Turner!

TENNIS TURN UP!!!

Joe and Sophie were on a double date at Arthur Ashe stadium in NYC with his bro Kevin Jonas and his wife Danielle -- when they decided to screw with the photogs by putting on a show in their VIP box.

There was some fake tongue action -- and very REAL beer drinking ... including a moment where the Jo-Bros linked arms, chugged and then busted out the FLOSS dance!

Earlier in the weekend, Sophie stuffed a seat pad under her shirt to goose some reporters into going with a pregnancy story. It didn't work, as most pregnant women don't have square baby bumps.

Good times ...

The words "Roseanne" and "peace" are rarely used in the same sentence -- but they were today.

We got Roseanne Monday at LAX as she was leaving town, and she seems to think she can do what so many before her found elusive or just plain hopeless ... bring peace to the Middle East.

Roseanne just announced she's packin' up and movin' out of the US of A, for Israel ... a country she says she loves.

She first said she'll move for a few months, but what followed seems almost like a declaration of expatriation from the U.S.

True enough ... our photog pushed her about becoming another Henry Kissinger, but she embraced it and ran with it.

Roseanne Barr is throwing in the towel and leaving the U.S.

Barr appeared on Rabbi Shmuley's podcast and said she's headed for Israel ... first she says for a few months to study, but then she talks about a full-on move -- "I have an opportunity to go to Israel for a few months and study with my favorite teachers over there, and that's where I'm going to go and probably move somewhere there and study with my favorite teachers."

Barr says she made a "fatal mistake" -- apologizing for her racist comment about former Obama aide Valerie Jarrett. She says when the left gets hold of an apology from someone on the other side of the political spectrum they don't let it go and eventually destroy their adversary.

Barr, who is a deeply religious Jew, goes on to say, "I have some mental health issues and depression and stuff. I got to stay in the middle or I'll go dark and I don't want to go dark again."

John Goodman just said Roseanne's gonna be killed off at the beginning of the reboot, "The Conners."

Dave Chappelle says John McCain is a symbol of national unity when our country needs it most, so he paid the late Senator his respects ... and gives props to his robot dance.

We got the famed comedian on Capitol Hill Friday after he visited McCain's casket at the U.S. Capitol. Chappelle tells us he was inspired to do so after he saw a video Jamie Foxx shared on his IG this week dancing with the Navy veteran onstage at an Apollo Theater charity event.

Foxx captioned the vid, "This is another reason why senator John McCain is so loved... he made u feel like politics and being a cool human being lived separately... he shined on em that night ... and that robot move was mean! R.I.P. you are a HERO!"

Seems like Chappelle totally agrees.

Before Louis C.K. shocked an NYC audience with his return to stand-up, he warmed up off the beaten path by crashing a Long Island comedy club where he got a standing O ... and TMZ got photos from the gig.

The disgraced comedian hit the stage last Sunday at Governor’s of Levittown out on Long Island. Club owner James Dolce tells us Louis did about 10 to 15 minutes of material ... but no one, including Dolce, had any clue C.K. was dropping in for the set.

In the photos from the Governor's gig, you can see Louis whipped a notepad out of his pocket ... clearly refreshing himself on the new material he was trying out that night.

This set came just a few hours before Louis drove into NYC to surprise the crowd at the famed Comedy Cellar in Greenwich Village. While there's been much debate about whether it's too soon for him to return after admitting to sexual misconduct last November -- Dolce says it was clear how the audience felt at his club.

They loved it. Some fans even waited for photos after the show, but Louis had bolted for the Big Apple.

Martin Luther King Jr.'s niece says her uncle might've actually gotten a kick out of Cardi B's 'Housewives of the Civil Rights Movement' skit, but the real-life iconic women wouldn't be laughing.

We talked to Alveda King -- whose father was Dr. King's brother -- and while she realizes the bit was all in good fun, she says it's important people know that's all it is. Alveda says Coretta Scott King and the other Civil Rights 'housewives' didn't talk like that, and never would.

Alveda seems to be fine with people laughing, as long as they don't take it seriously in a historical context. She adds, it'd be a "disgrace" if young people watching think these brave women acted this way behind closed doors.

Like we told you ... Bernice King called Cardi's take on her mother "repulsive," but then later said Cardi had reached out and apologized. Bernice's older bro, Martin Luther King III, also expressed his hatred for Cardi's portrayal and the fact it came out on the 55th anniversary of his father's "I Have a Dream" speech.

Peyton Manning says he really DIDN'T want to fire footballs at kids' faces during his famous 2007 "Saturday Night Live" skit -- but changed his mind when a parent begged him to peg his kid.

The sketch is pretty famous -- Peyton was spoofing his United Way ads by teaching kids how to get tattoos, steal cars and play real, hardcore park football.

But, a key part of the skit featured Peyton nailing kids in the face with footballs -- HARD -- and the QB says he was so nervous about tagging the youngsters, he almost quit the bit.

Peyton told the story at the 2018 Indianapolis Colts kickoff lunch on Wednesday -- saying he didn't feel comfortable with the scene at the time and told producers he wanted to shut it down.

But, right before they called it off, one of the parents of the child actors approached Peyton and the director and said, "I want him to hit my kid in the face!"

So, Peyton -- being a people pleaser -- said, "I will do it. I will knock your kid out."

And the rest is history ... hilarious, hilarious history.

Louis C.K. did NOT tread lightly in his first stand-up gig since admitting his sexual misconduct, because he reportedly cracked a joke about rape whistles.

Remember, C.K. copped to dropping his pants and masturbating in front of women ... and even coercing them into keeping silent about it. So, at least 2 female audience members at the Comedy Cellar in NYC were shocked to hear him start a bit about the phrase "clean as a whistle."

The women told Vulture C.K. worked up to a joke about rape whistles NOT being clean, and they say it was very well received -- "people were laughing, and I was just sitting there like, oh my f**k."

They were uncomfortable and depressed that C.K.'s joke had killed ... especially considering the things he's admitted doing.