Humor

Russell Wilson clearly ain't winning any beauty pageants if Tariq Woolen is a judge -- the Seahawks star says he couldn't have been less impressed by the quarterback's physique this year, comparing it to a bag of spuds!!!

Woolen let the jabs fly on the "2 Up 2 Down Podcast" earlier this month ... when the rookie cornerback was asked what his first impressions of Wilson were when the Hawks played the Broncos back in September.

Woolen said he expected to see a well-built athlete -- given that he had watched Russ on TV for the last decade or so -- but when the signal-caller appeared before him at Lumen Field ... he said he was downright shocked.

"When you see him in person, it's like, weird," the 6-foot-4, 210-pound defensive back said. "He's like a sack of potatoes."

The comment drew a huge laugh from the pod's hosts -- but Woolen didn't stop the Russ roast sesh there.

"Literally when I seen him," the Pro Bowler said, "I'm like, 'Dang, I didn't know he was built like that.' And he was short. I'm tall anyway but I was like, 'Damn, he's that short?!'"

FYI -- Russ is listed at 5-foot-11, 215 pounds -- and when he's been spotted without his shirt on over the years ... he sure looks great to us. But, clearly, Woolen has some higher standards.

The 23-year-old, though, did give Wilson at least some props ... saying on the pod, "The crazy thing is he's athletic. He's athletic and he's a good player."

Someone allegedly tried to pull a Doctor Evil with the iconic Hollywood sign -- both in terms of his ridiculously wacky demands ... as well as his overall smarts. 😅

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ ... a man called Hollywood PD Sunday threatening to blow the famous L.A. landmark to smithereens with pipe bombs -- that is, unless he was paid a WHOPPING $10,000 (insert Mike Myers pinky move here).

Big claims for big stakes, we suppose.

Here's the problem ... we're told the dude didn't even dial the right department. In attempting to reach L.A., our sources say he actually dialed cops in Hollywood, FL.

Unclear if he realized he had the wrong number, but in any case ... we're told the Florida HPD hit up their L.A. counterparts to let 'em know what was going on, nutty as the whole thing seemed.

We're told LAPD checked it out, and found no credible threat at all. Our sources tell us there've been no arrests, but the case is under investigation.

For context, the Hollywood sign is under 24/7 video surveillance, so it's always watched closely -- and there are additional safety measures in place if anyone tries to tamper with it. Of course, some have been successful getting to it in recent years ... but it's no easy target.

Just another day in the City of Angels ... not to be confused with Florida's so-called "Diamond of the Gold Coast."

Positive K, best known for his '90s hit "I Got A Man", is turning his hip hop roots into humor -- he's getting onstage to tap into the world of comedy.

The rapper's team says, Positive K's still in the biz of putting out new music, but now he's also using the stage for stand-up comedy, and his career is already taking off!

As a rapper, he's best known for his breakout 1993 top 20 single "I Got A Man" ... and he also had memorable collabs with hip hop legend, MC Lyte.

His debut album "The Skills Dat Pay Da Bills" has become highly regarded as a certified classic, especially for his ability to deliver a different rap style on each track and for adding humor ... and we're told that's exactly what planted the seed for his comedy career.

Positive K's Comedy Experience is already making the rounds in ATL ... having played the Uptown Comedy Corner, Atlanta Comedy Theater and the Laugh Factory. Earlier this year he put on a show to remember at the ATL Punchline.

He's even opened up for comedian Mike Epps, in addition to performing on some of the most legendary stages for comedy.

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are getting the "South Park" treatment ... the show rips Harry's new book, labels Meghan an "Instagram-loving bitch" and calls them out as hypocrites.

The latest "South Park" episode aired Wednesday night on Comedy Central and it rips Harry and Meghan to shreds ... starting out by accusing them of not caring much about the death of Harry's grandmother, Queen Elizabeth.

It only gets worse from there ... the skit features Harry and Meghan going on a Canadian talk show, walking out with picket signs demanding privacy before telling the host they're thrilled to be on TV.

Harry's called out for his new memoir, "Spare" ... the "South Park" version is dubbed "Waaagh" and the joke is Harry's whining about growing up in the United Kingdom as a prince.

Meghan's spoof cuts in to say the book was her idea because the Royal Family is "stupid" and so are journalists ... and then Harry's called out for essentially being a journalist with his book.

Trey Parker and Matt Stone also take aim at Harry and Meghan's privacy demands ... pointing out she has no problem doing TV shows, magazine covers and running in celebrity circles ... landing more punches by having Harry say "My Instagram-loving bitch wife has always wanted her privacy."

The skit ends with the couple storming off the set, saying they're leaving to find some quiet place to live like normal folks ... before cutting to a private jet.

The Super Bowl gets some of the best commercials of the year, but one was a little too good ... because it had millions of viewers losing their minds, thinking they were missing the big game!!!

The Tubi commercial aired during Sunday night's big game and if you missed it -- consider yourself lucky 'cause it had households across the country reaching for their remotes and freaking out.

The ad, officially called "Interface Interruption", featured Fox sports commentators Kevin Burkhardt and Greg Olsen -- y'know the guys calling the actual Super Bowl -- so, most fans figured they were really welcoming everyone back from a commercial break.

But then, while the 2 guys were talking, the screen looked like someone was messing around with the remote and scrolled to the Tubi app to watch "Mr. & Mrs. Smith".

Of course, the ad made fans everywhere think someone in their house was fumbling with the remote to watch the flick during the intense Super Bowl game😂

By the end, you could tell it was just an ad for the streaming service (owned by FOX, BTW) -- not some kid sitting on the remote -- and fans were returned to the real game with Kevin and Greg really calling the action.

George Lopez is getting dragged through the coals for what some say is him acting like a gate-keeping elitist in standup comedy -- this after kinda putting down a fellow Latino comic.

The legendary funny man was on a podcast this past week for the All Things Comedy network -- chatting with Steve Treviño and others ... and they were talking about George's legacy, especially as it pertains to paving the path for other Hispanic comedians.

Trevino said it was incumbent on the OGs of the biz -- like George -- to pass down the knowledge and assist up-and-comers in breaking through ... but GL disagreed on the way to go about that. He acknowledged he hadn't always been the most helpful, but noted he had shown the way ... arguing it was on others to chart their own path, the way he has.

Trevino pushed back, invoking Ralph Barbosa -- a young guy who's blowing up right now in standup -- and George almost immediately took issue with his name being mentioned.

George asked why Trevino was bringing RB up, suggesting he wasn't famous/worthy of getting roped into the convo. He then asked the room if it was messed up he was saying that ... but in the end, he stood his ground in writing Barbosa off as a relative nobody.

His takeaway point was ... look out for yourself. It would seem, in his mind, that means not talking about other comics or giving them a plug of any kind -- something Paul Rodriguez has alluded to when it comes to what he says is George's track record on this sort of thing.

A resurfaced clip of Paul telling a story about George is now making the rounds in the wake of this Barbosa snub ... and it paints an interesting picture. It would seem that even among George's contemporaries ... he's got a bad rep for not extending a helping hand to Latinos.

George would likely disagree with that characterization -- but he's also pretty clear in how he thinks he can best serve people, including Hispanics. A bootstrap approach, no doubt.

As for Ralph ... he's responded to all the chatter this has spawned, and a clip he reposted is quite telling. It's a scene from the movie 'Blood In, Blood Out' -- where Benjamin Bratt is getting grilled by his relative for turning his back on his own people.

Bill Maher is OLD-SCHOOL -- he says men as a group are like heat-seeking missiles when it comes to sex, whereas women prioritize communication as an entry point. He thinks women got the short end of the stick over the last 10 years, but it's changing.

The "Real Time" host delivered his Valentine's Day message Friday night, grousing that the phone has been used by men to satisfy their basic instinct ... and women have played along.

Bill generalizes that women like communication ... something that just doesn't happen when the options are either "yes" or "next."

But he says there's a new/old trend -- courting people in person -- and it's kinda hilarious. Markets that have narrow isles so people can feel each other's energy.  His Home Depot story may piss off lots of people, but in fairness, it's really funny.

It's no surprise things are already getting rowdy at one of the more crazy events on The PGA Tour ... but if you had streaker on your BINGO card, fill in a square.

The jarring scene happened Friday during Waste Management's Phoenix Open in Scottsdale, AZ. As you can see, a random guy evades security and runs onto 16 hole ... wearing only his undies, and earning a huge applause in the process.

At one point, the nude bandit grabs the pin and gives fans his best stripper impression ... before completing his routine with a belly flop into the pond and finally getting corralled by security.

"Saturday Night Live" jumped on the Chinese spy balloon caper ... insinuating we made a way bigger deal of it that it actually was.

Chloe Fineman played MSNBC's Katy Tur, conducting an interview with Bowen Yang, who was dressed as a large spy balloon that was bobbing in the ocean.

"Well, you got me, congrats, you shot a balloon," Yang mockingly said. Fineman's response, "Wow, balloon, I'm sorry you're in the water, but thank you for speaking to us."

Yang continued, “I entertain you people for four days, and then get shot by Biden. I can’t believe that I’m Joe’s Osama!"

Michael Blackson says Eli Apple is ruthless with the Twitter fingers ... telling TMZ Sports he's not one bit surprised about his nephew's trash-talking antics -- 'cause it "runs in the family!!"

Apple made headlines throughout the playoffs for speaking his mind on social media ... going after opposing teams and gloating each time the Bengals came out victorious.

The actor-comedian told us he was cheering on his kin against the Kansas City Chiefs on championship Sunday ... but admits if he were Eli, he would have waited until after he won a Super Bowl ring to get at his contemporaries.

"I was rooting for him," Blackson said. "I always believe in talking smack once you get that ring. Once you get that ring, then you can talk smack."

Michael said despite what some people say about Eli, there are a lot of cornerbacks who want to be in his position -- playing in back-to-back AFC title games and the SB last season.

Michael also told us his thoughts on the big game -- he says the first-ever Super Bowl between two black quarterbacks, Patrick Mahomes, and Jalen Hurts, "means a lot."

"Finally, Black quarterbacks are getting recognized," Blackson said. "At one point, nobody thought running quarterbacks would make it to the Super Bowl."

MB expects the game to be a high-scoring affair ... and predicts the Eagles will defeat the Chiefs, 28-24, but says you can never count out Mahomes.

"Patrick Mahomes is a kid that never goes down," Blackson said. "This guy finds ways to stay in the game and finds ways to win the game. We have to contain him. He runs all over the place."

Derek Jeter says he was slumping so terribly back in the 2004 season -- he turned to none other than a golden thong to get him out of his rut.

Seriously.

The former Yankees captain made the surprising -- and hilarious -- revelation while playing a game called "True Confessions" with Jimmy Fallon and Rita Ora on Wednesday night's "The Tonight Show."

Jeter was forced to pick one of two topics, and his two cohosts had to guess if he was telling the truth or not.

"I once wore a thong, in public, in front of thousands of people," Jeter said.

Both Fallon and Ora thought it was a fib -- but the ex-NY shortstop said it was, in fact, a real tale.

Jeter explained ... back in 2002, he got a new teammate who swore up and down that wearing a golden thong would get him out of any slump.

Jeter initially thought it was a load of B.S. -- but at the start of the '04 season, he hit an offensive rut that he had never seen before.

"Every day I'd walk in, [my teammate] would point at the thong," Jeter said. "So, finally, I wore the thong."

First pitch of his first at-bat? Home run for Jeets.

"Yes, yes," Jeter said. "That is true."

The game was said to be the Yanks' April 29, 2004 contest against the Oakland A's. Records show he was in an 0-for-32 skid before cracking a dinger off Barry Zito at Yankee Stadium.

As for who the golden thong's true owner was? According to a 2015 interview on the Dan Le Batard Show, it was none other than Jason Giambi.

"The golden thong is legendary," JG said during the '15 discussion on ESPN Radio. "It's never not gotten a hit."

By the way, if you're wondering about the hygiene of it all -- don't worry, Jeter said there was no thong-to-skin contact.

"I had shorts on underneath," he said. "I put the thong over the shorts."

Cavs forward Isaac Okoro had a religious experience while listening to 'Take Me To Church' on Monday ... and hilariously performed the song in the team's hot tub!!

The 22-year-old former 5th overall draft pick was sitting in the team's hot tub (hey, gotta take care of the body) minding his business, listening to Hozier's hit single when his teammate Darius Garland walked in.

While the music was blasting, Garland started singing the chorus, and that's when Okoro got up and put on a show.

"Offer me that deathless death, Good God, let me give you my life, Take me to church!" the two belted out.

Okoro's choreography was on point with a hilarious backward fall into the hot tub to conclude his performance .. and Garland couldn't help but laugh.

Of course, Okoro and Garland have a lot to be happy about ... they just whooped the Los Angeles Clippers 122-99 on Sunday. The Cavs are currently ranked 5th in the Eastern Conference.

Plus, Garland -- who signed a five-year deal worth $231 million last season -- is averaging 21.9 points and 8.2 assists per game.

BTW, the song might ring a bell for Cavs fans ... it's the track that was playing in LeBron James' Beats by Dre commercial when he returned to Cleveland.

"Saturday Night Live" poked fun at the classified documents scandal engulfing President Biden, but the most biting humor was reserved for his Veep.

'SNL's Mikey Day played Attorney General Merrick Garland, kicking things off with a speech about how former Trump VP Mike Pence found classified docs at his Indiana home. Kenan Thompson, as an FBI agent, followed with a few wisecracks about Pence.

Then came the bit about Kamala Harris ...comedian Ego Nwodim, playing an FBI agent, bluntly said: 'Come on now. Joe Biden won't even give this woman a pen. You think she has classified documents? Please, Kamala Harris with classified documents."

Ego then walked away as Day returned to the mic, adding..."Well, we had to at least check."

Funny skit, but it also had to sting, since it implied Joe didn't trust Kamala enough to share the nation's secrets. Harris, as you know, has been dogged by criticism about her competence in her role as second in command.

Steve-O's new opening act for the first 9 shows of his comedy tour is Bam Margera ... and the 'Jackass' alums hit the stage together to workshop some new material.

We got video of Steve-O shocking the packed house at the Elsinore Theatre in Salem, Oregon last Sunday -- and Bam's surprise appearance drew huge applause from the crowd.

In the video, Steve-O helps Bam work on some jokes ... comparing Bam's life to Britney Spears' and telling a few stories from rehab.

Steve-O told the crowd he's bringing Bam along for "The Bucket List Tour" because he was terrified Bam was going down a path that would end in an early death. He said he wants his buddy on the road with him to see if it's possible for him to lead a healthy life and find a happy ending.

Remember ... Bam recently revealed on Steve-O's podcast he was pronounced dead in a hospital back in December, when he had 4 seizures and a nasty blood infection.

Bill Maher has a confession -- something he's kept under wraps for years -- he flies private, and if anyone expresses outrage they can suck it, because they'd do it too if they could.

The "Real Time" host bore down on climate change and how ridiculous the "everyone pitch in" concept has become. As Bill says, we gotta do something, but shopping with a laundry bag isn't gonna do the trick.

Bill says, "Humans are not good people," and when asked to pitch in to save the environment, their response is, "What's in it for me?"

We are now talking about banning gas stoves, yet people are more than happy to pollute the earth with Amazon deliveries, because it's so damn convenient. Cell phones use more energy than refrigerators, but getting rid of your cellphone ... hahahahaha.

Now the confession ... Bill Maher flies private. There it is -- he's a polluter/offender, but at least he's honest about it.

He regales us with image after image of socially conscious people -- some huge environmental activists -- who are more than happy to jump on a private jet -- because they can. Just a few -- Oprah, George Clooney, Leo DiCaprio, Paul McCartney, Harry and Meghan, Sting, Beyonce and Jay-Z, and on and on.

Harry Styles fans won't forget his latest show -- especially those in the first row -- since he split his pants wide open while performing for a packed house that included his first celeb crush!!!

Harry was onstage at the Kia Forum in Inglewood, CA Thursday night ... as a continuation of his "Love On Tour" when the wardrobe malfunction went down.

He was in the middle of singing "Music for a Sushi Restaurant" when he dropped low to his knees and ripped a huge hole near his crotch area, giving everyone an eyeful. As you can see, he was pretty stunned by the whole thing.

There's a debate about whether Harry was commando under his leather pants. We invite you to slo-mo, zoom in, enchance -- whatever -- and decide for yourself.

Nice bonus for the A-list celebs who pulled up for the concert -- Kylie Jenner, Trevor Noah, Julie Bowen and Ellen DeGeneres were there. Jennifer Aniston also witnessed the Styles family jewels coming out party ... and that's interesting because she's reportedly Harry's first celeb crush.

In true Harry fashion, he made the best of the moment ... and the crowd went wild at the funny mishap.

He told fans, "My trousers ripped. I feel I must apologize to a certain few of you right down in the front there. I mean this is a family show" ... before jokingly asking "Or is it?!"

He later put a towel around his waist as he continued to rock out onstage.