Humor

Dave Bautista's in no position to become Chris Pratt's father-in-law, but if he keeps gushing over his "Guardians of the Galaxy" costar ... he might get asked to be Chris' best man.

We got Dave at LAX Tuesday and asked about Pratt's engagement to Katherine Schwarzenegger ... he's got nothing but nice things to say ... about Chris.

In fact, along with calling him "the best" ... Bautista tells us he wishes he was in Arnold's shoes and Pratt could be part of his family. He'd even pay big money for it.

Terrell Owens is TEEING OFF on Hall of Fame voters for keeping him out of Canton for 2 years ... calling it "ridiculous" and a "travesty" he didn't get his gold jacket in his 1st year of eligibility.

T.O. was finally voted into the HoF in 2018 -- but the dude is clearly pissed it didn't happen sooner ... sounding off on Kevin Hart's "Cold as Balls" series on Laugh Out Loud about why he got snubbed.

"That c-word ... character, which a lot of the voters kinda added to the mix of the criteria of inducting guys," Owens said.

"It should be about your body of work and your accomplishments," Owens said ... adding he got different treatment than other players because he was outspoken throughout his career.

Of course ... T.O. famously snubbed the Hall of Fame right back ... turning down his invite to the enshrinement ceremony in Canton for a more personal setting at U. of Tennessee at Chattanooga.

Michael Blackson probably should've been irate about a drunk driver smashing into his car -- but he was more flabbergasted than anything ... and we get why.

The comic was having a great Monday night at the Improv in WeHo -- he did a set with Dave Chappelle, so what could go wrong? Try your Rolls-Royce getting jacked up in a 3-car wreck!!

Michael tells us he got the news while onstage with Chappelle, and when he got outside -- it was a messed up scene, to say the least. A Maserati lost its front wheel, that wheel smashed into a Jeep Wrangler ... while the Maserati kept going long enough to smash into Mike's whip.

MB called it a miracle -- a bad one -- that the guy on just 3 wheels managed to keep rolling long enough to hit his Rolls. You really gotta see his reaction.

As for the driver, we got vid of cops giving him a breathalyzer. Law enforcement sources tell us the guy allegedly pinballed down the street, hitting several cars -- and was arrested for DUI.

Shaquille O'Neal is calling for people to back off Kevin Hart ... saying he shouldn't have to keep apologizing for his old homophobic jokes and wants everyone to "just move on."

"Some people feel he made a mistake," Shaq said ... "He apologized for his mistake. I always thought comedians were allowed to crack jokes."

"Anyone that knows Kevin Hart should know that anything he said was never malicious."

Of course, Shaq is referring to some of Hart's tweets and stand-up bits from 2009 to 2011 -- when the comic described how he'd react if he found out his son was gay.

"Yo if my son comes home & try's 2 play with my daughters doll house I'm going 2 break it over his head & say n my voice ‘stop that's gay,'" Hart tweeted in 2009.

The material resurfaced after Hart was named the host of the 2019 Academy Awards -- and after a backlash online and a demand for renewed apologies, Hart pulled out of the show and only apologized after stepping down.

"He shouldn't have to keep apologizing," Shaq said ... "He apologized twice."

"People should just move on. Everyone makes mistakes."

Of course, Shaq and Kev go way back -- Hart was a headliner Shaq's All-Star Comedy Jam back in 2009 and they've been friends ever since.

Shaq's not the only big star who's come to Hart's defense -- Ellen DeGeneres also went to bat for the comic ... backing Kev's stance that he's evolved and said it's his right to host the Oscars.

President Obama had "Luther" ... and now Manny Pacquiao has an anger translator of his own to tell us how he REALLY feels about Adrien Broner -- and it's hilarious!!!

Pacquiao is gearing up to fight Broner on January 19 at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas -- and if you know Manny, you know he ain't exactly the greatest trash talker in the world.

So, he brought in his good friend, Michael Blackson, on Thursday to tell us what he REALLY wants to say about his opponent ... and yeah, there's A LOT of cussing.

For example, when we asked Manny how he felt about Broner predicting a knockout, MP politely told us, "That's easy to say but hard to do."

Okay ... but what he REALLY meant to say ... "We're gonna fuck him up! Punch him in his eye! Kick him in his nuts! That short bitch is going down!!!"

There's a lot more, it's really funny ... and obviously, salute to "Key & Peele."

Oh, one more thing -- what is Manny eating these days to gear up for the fight? Fish eyes. Seriously. He loves 'em.

Daddy Long Neck is more than just another internet sensation plotting to take over the rap game ... he's also an expert on neck -- all kinds -- and he came all the way to L.A. to pick the best celeb collars.

We got the rapper at LAX this week, and he tells us the award for the best necks in showbiz goes to 2 actresses already known for being smoke shows. Of course, for DLN it's not about their faces or their bods -- he's more of a chin to chest guy.

You probably recognize Daddy Long Neck from his viral music video with Wide Neck ... ya know, the dude who became famous thanks to insane mugshots showing off his massive neck. Their music vid's already racked up more than 1 million views.

Check out the clip ... Daddy Long Neck has hilarious messages for his fave celeb chicks, PLUS ... freshly single MacKenzie Bezos! She's got a cool $70 bil ... why not shoot your shot??

Anthony Anderson really coulda used a Swiss Army Knife after dropping a diamond in a shower drain, but since he dubbed himself "Ghetto MacGyver" ... Q-tips, dental floss and a broken comb were all he needed for the mission.

The "Black-ish" star is in Rome, where he perfectly executed "Operation Save Diamond Earring" at the Waldorf Astoria Resort. After his diamond earring went down the drain, he recorded the whole rescue effort.

You gotta watch the video ... Anthony was kinda pissed there were no wire hangers in the room to use during the operation -- but he made due with everything else he could find in the bathroom.

Anthony said he wanted the whole mission on video just in case it failed -- for insurance purposes -- but more than anything it's just entertaining to watch him try to keep a steady hand. Anyone remember playing Operation?

Anthony captioned the video, "I'm naked, wet and soapy! I did the best I could with two Q tips, a comb and dental floss to save my diamond." He included #justakidfromcompton #ghettomcgyver #diamondsareforever #adventuresinrome #rome.

Trevor Noah added an incredible piece of property to his portfolio ... because we've learned he recently dropped a boatload of cash on a baller bachelor pad.

Our real estate sources confirm Trevor plunked down over $20 MILLION for a jaw-dropping estate in Bel-Air ... and the 'Daily Show' host quietly purchased the contemporary mansion through a blind trust.

Trevor's new digs, first reported by Yolanda's Little Black Book, are pretty insane. The two-level pad is a whopping 10,044 square feet, and it's surrounded by glass walls and wraparound terraces, giving Trevor some breathtaking views of L.A.

The 1.31-acre property sits on a hillside lot in western Bel-Air, on a quiet cul-de-sac ... but there's nothing quiet about Trevor's place. The master suite is massive -- we're talking 2,200 feet -- and we haven't even mentioned the home theater, infinity pool and the 500-gallon saltwater aquarium!!!

As if that's not enough for Trevor to entertain his guests ... there are 3 other bedrooms with unobstructed views, and one is an "ultra private VIP suite" with private entrance.

Mauricio Umansky and James Harris of The Agency listed the property -- and Jonah Wilson of Hilton & Hyland repped Trevor.

Congrats, Trev!

Andy Cohen ain't about to let Johnny Law rain on his New Year's Eve plans, because the host is already gearing up for the next ball drop with a fancy new umbrella ... Times Square Alliance be damned!

We got Andy Monday in NYC and he flaunted his personalized umbrella ... bragging it would be with him for his next NYE broadcast. He also dared the now infamous Times Square Alliance to stop him.

You'll recall ... Andy threw a fit on-air during CNN's NYE broadcast last week after he claimed security ordered him to lose his umbrella in the pouring rain or risk losing the network's credentials for the next NYE show.

The Times Square Alliance fired back in response to Andy's rant, pouring water all over his claims.

Terrence Howard dismisses criticism of Kevin Hart for making homophobic jokes, saying it's all part of the job.

We got Terrance Friday at LAX and he was squarely in Kevin's corner, saying the Academy blew it by passing on him. He went on to say dredging up jokes and tweets from year's past crosses the line, and then insinuated the attack on Kevin might be racial ... pointing to recent comments by Nick Cannon that white comedians made similar homophobic jokes with no consequences.

Sinbad thinks Louis C.K. is dangerously close to losing his mind and pulling a Michael Richards, but he still believes it's a terrible idea to start censoring comedians.

We got Sinbad Thursday outside The London Hotel in NYC and asked the comic if he and his peers are running scared in 2019 with all the instant backlash on social media.

It's pretty clear he doesn't support Louis' decision to mock the kids who survived the Parkland, FL mass shooting -- he describes him as shooting himself in the foot -- however, Sinbad firmly believes you can't tell comedians who they can and can't joke about.

Sinbad basically compares C.K.'s set to Michael's infamous racist tirade and says anyone can lose their mind at any point. He says he was actually at the Laugh Factory the night Michael started shouting the n-word.

Sinbad isn't making excuses for Louis, but insists it's on the audience to let comics know when they've crossed the line -- and ya gotta hear Sinbad's advice for pissed off crowds.

Tiffany Haddish has found several silver linings to bombing her NYE show in Miami -- most importantly ... she needs more sleep, and less South Beach.

Tiff was out Wednesday in L.A. when a photog asked her what went wrong. In a nutshell ... she's been burning it at both ends. She said, "I've slept in my bed a grand total of 28 days" for all of 2018. She added she now knows exactly what happens when your brain is fried.

That being said ... she admits going hard on the party scene didn't help either. As Tiff put it, "Miami is a really dope city, and I probably shouldn't turn up before work."

She also found out who her real friends are, and ran down the all-star list of comedians who reached to show love and support.

As for the haters -- Tiffany has a message for them too.

Louis C.K. deserves to get trashed for telling jokes about Parkland survivors, which just proves Louis is kind of despicable ... so says fellow comedian Ron Funches.

Ron came on "TMZ Live" Wednesday making it clear ... he's not a fan of C.K. or his supporters. Ron essentially says Louis is a bottom feeder.

Ron, whose hour-long stand-up special "Giggle Fit" premieres Jan. 4 on Comedy Central, says he understands comics trying out new material in front of smaller crowds, but he says that's not an excuse for Louis because the Parkland jokes basically amount to hate speech.

10:35 AM PT -- Bonnie's publicist Thomas Santiago tells TMZ ... she'd been dealing with flu-like symptoms in the days leading up to the event, but she'd committed to performing and didn't want to cancel.

We're told she's feeling better now.

Bonnie Pointer lost control, and it doesn't look like she liked it ... but she's a real trooper for powering through a puke and singing her heart out.

The Pointer Sisters cofounder was performing at the historic Wattles Mansion in Hollywood Saturday night when she got ill onstage and threw up ... in her hand.

But, check out the video -- almost immediately afterward Bonnie starts dancing to the beat of the group's most famous song, and is fully composed to belt out the opening verse and chorus of "I'm So Excited."

That's a true show-woman.

Unfortunately, the Pointer Sister got sick again after her initial recovery and had to be helped offstage before the song came to a close.

David Spade has some words of encouragement for Tiffany Haddish AND Louis C.K. and David makes it clear ... they're not in the same boat.

We got the longtime comedian leaving Nobu Tuesday night in WeHo where, at first, he weighed in on what had happened to Tiffany on New Year's Eve in Miami -- namely, miserably bombing onstage and cracking open some Ciroc to numb the pain.

He says NYE gigs are tough as it is 'cause everyone's already faded, and a night of partying for the comic themselves probably ain't the best idea if ya mix the two. Remember, Tiff had said earlier in the day that she'd been out all night raging before her set.

Then, Dave pivots to Louis ... saying comics always try new material with smaller crowds that aren't necessarily meant to be heard worldwide.

David sidesteps Louis' jokes -- like the Parkland massacre survivors -- he realized it's a hot potato.

It's worth noting ... Tiffany's tough night and Louis' tough night are dissimilar.

Tiffany Haddish made the best of a bad situation during her tough New Year's Eve stand-up performance ... so says a fellow seasoned comedian.

We got comic Alonzo Bodden -- who won season 3 of "Last Comic Standing" -- out at LAX Tuesday, where he had nothing but good things to say about the way Tiffany handled her show in Miami the night before.

Seeing how she was bombing ... he says Tiff was wise to get in on the joke by cracking open a bottle of Ciroc and making a party of it. Alonzo tells us every comedian bombs, and her reaction was nothing short of classy and professional, considering the circumstances.

As we reported ... a lot of people were walking out on Tiffany in the middle of her set. She vowed on stage to never allow herself to be in that type of situation again -- and she wasn't talking about stand-up either. Tiffany appeared to be exhausted from partying the night before.

She addressed the failed set on Twitter, saying she wished it was better.