Humor

Jordan Klepper is shocked undocumented students hadn't come up with the idea of having rich celebrity parents -- which now seems like a much easier way to get into schools.

We got the former 'Daily Show' correspondent at LAX Wednesday, and got his 2 cents on the explosive college admissions bribery scandal. The comedian has been pushing for Dreamers -- undocumented students brought to the U.S. when they were kids -- to have access to higher education.

He's such an advocate, Jordan got arrested last month during a protest for the cause.

So, you can see how the college bribery indictment -- which nailed Felicity Huffman and Lori Loughlin -- hit a nerve. Actually, it hit a funny bone because Jordan jokes Dreamers need to get on board and explore the celeb parents option.

Check out the clip ... Jordan makes fun of those who tried playing the game, but he does get serious for a min ... saying every kid has the right to be evaluated fairly and the opportunity to fail on their own.

In other words, the exact opposite of what the bribery ringleader Rick Singer was preaching.

Michael Blackson says Conor McGregor is a menace to America and should be kicked out of the country already -- telling TMZ Sports, "If it was me, I'd be deported by now."

"Somebody should call Donald Trump and get I.C.E. (Immigration and Customs Enforcement) and get him deported. He needs to be deported."

Blackson is originally from Ghana, but the comedian/actor moved to the U.S. in 1987 and he's been here ever since.

Of course, Blackson is all fired up about McGregor's latest arrest for allegedly stealing and smashing a cell phone in Miami. It's the 2nd time Conor's been arrested in the U.S. following the dolly incident in 2018, when he threw a steel hand truck at a UFC bus, injuring multiple people.

"He's a very violent man," Blackson tells us ... "If it was me, I'd be deported by now. I.C.E., forget 21 Savage, go get Conor McGregor right now."

"Send him back to his raggedy country right now."

As for McGregor, he was released from police custody late Monday night and strolled into a waiting SUV. He didn't say a word but posted a statement on Instagram Tuesday morning, saying:

D.L. Hughley just went IN on James Dolan -- saying the Knicks fan he booted from MSG over the weekend should be GRATEFUL he won't have to watch the "sh*tty" Knicks play ever again.

"Right now, if you kicked every Knick fan out, you'd be doing them a f*cking favor," Hughley told TMZ Sports.

But wait ... there's more!! And, it's pretty hilarious.

Remember, Dolan 86'd a fan from Madison Square Garden after the fan shouted at Dolan to "sell the team" because of their terrible play over the past few decades.

D.L. says Dolan's ban is laughable -- "That's like saying, 'I'm not gonna let you have a bite of this sh*t sandwich."

Hughley -- a self-described Lakers fan -- added, "The Knicks are sh*tty and they're doing you a favor!"

Dolan has been getting ripped pretty hard in the media for the way he treated the fan during Saturday's game -- a game the Knicks lost to the Sacramento Kings.

Staind frontman Aaron Lewis had another tough night on tour -- he couldn't get a handful of chatty spectators to shut their yap, so he stormed offstage ... again.

The country-rock star was performing solo Saturday night in Oklahoma City, where he cut his set short toward the end of the show ... but not before laying into some members of the crowd with a good old-fashioned, "Shut the f*ck up!!!"

After some folks wouldn't abide by his demand, he stopped strumming his guitar ... and lectured the crowd on how he technically doesn't need to do this. Aaron then gets on the mic and continues the berating, telling the talkers they've been yapping all night.

Eventually the crowd quiets down enough for him to continue with the performance, but just a few seconds into the song ... he stops and slams his guitar down, leaving the stage.

This ain't the first time Aaron's had crowd control issues at his shows lately. He did the exact same thing in Texas just last month ... but took things up a notch by saying he didn't speak Spanish 'cause he's American. Some Spanish speakers were trying to communicate in their language, but Aaron was clearly having none of it.

He also laid into a heckler a couple months before that in Indianapolis, calling the guy a "bald motherf***er."

Pete Davidson's taking a shot at haters who think he's too young for Kate Beckinsale -- by calling out dozens of male celebs who date way below their age ... starting with President Trump.

The shots were fired during the Weekend Update segment on 'SNL' ... Pete made it clear he and his new bae hear all the buzz about him being 25 and her being 45 but said they don't let it bother them.

Pete then took a deep breath and said direct your "big age difference" questions to ... Leo DiCaprio, Richard Gere, Jeff Goldblum, Derek Jeter, Michael Douglas -- you get the point.

He rattled off more than 20 names in the one breath ... including POTUS and, yes, even the guy who plays Trump on 'SNL.'

The hilarious defense of Kate comes a week after their Madison Square Garden make-out session.

Pete might not be getting tattoos of Kate just yet, but the fact he's adding her to his 'SNL' routines is a sign the relationship is going strong.

Whoopi Goldberg just revealed her bout with pneumonia was so severe she nearly died.

Whoopi appeared on "The View" Friday via a video update and said she'd been battling a bad case of pneumonia. She said, "Yes, I came very, very close to leaving the Earth. Good news, I didn't."

The comedian/co-host has not appeared on the panel since February 6 and, on Thursday, Whoopi reportedly skipped a benefit concert in NYC she was scheduled to co-host with Martin Short.

She said the illness was bad ... with pneumonia in both lungs. Whoopi says she's okay and moving around, and she thanked her fans for wishing her well.

Pepsi's doing to Lil Jon what Dave Chappelle once did to him in 2004 -- ruining Lil Jon's life ... but in the best way possible!!!

We got the rapper/producer Tuesday at LAX and wondered what life's been like since Pepsi aired its commercial on Super Bowl Sunday, widely considered one of, if not THE, best ads for SB LIII. The ad features Steve Carell, Cardi B and Lil Jon putting a hilarious spin on whether Pepsi's okay.

Since the commercial aired, Lil Jon says there's been no shortage of strangers coming up to him and repeating his famous line. When our photog got him out, the rapper told us he got at least 10 "Oookaaays" at the airport that morning.

LJ says it was bad a long time ago. Remember when Chappelle spoofed Lil Jon's line in his famous 2004 skit? The rapper said the skit alone changed his life forever ... ditto with Pepsi.

Lil Jon says Pepsi's ad has aired a bunch of times since the Super Bowl and the feedback's been insane. But, check it out ... he says it's all good 'cause he knows fans are just showing him love. Not to mention, it's not like he did the spot for free.

Jon proved he's a good sport by teaching our photog how to properly grunt "Oookay!!"

Pete Davidson should say thank you, next to Kate Beckinsale ... at least, that's what one of her exes thinks.

We got comedian Matt Rife Monday night at the Laugh Factory on Sunset. Matt dated Kate back in 2017, so we asked if he has any tips for Pete and he did.

Watch the clip, Matt tried his best to be positive but we think he failed because his bottom line for Pete was ... RUN!!!

As you know ... Pete and Kate have been getting closer over the last couple months  -- making out at NHL games, getting handsy at comedy shows. Pete's ex-fiancée, Ariana Grande, has even given them her blessing.

Matt, who's in his 20s just like Pete, isn't exactly handing out blessings. Yes, he wished Kate and Pete all the best, but it's a backhanded compliment at best.

Don't get it twisted ... Matt isn't trying to get back with Kate -- sounds like it didn't end well between them -- but he's advising Pete to buckle up for a "complicated" ride.

Chris D'Elia says making a sex tape doesn't make you a porn star, so Stormy Daniels should take the same advice into her comedy career ... you're not a comedian just cuz you've got a stand-up gig.

We got Chris out Monday night at Craig's in WeHo and asked his thoughts on Stormy's upcoming comedy tour. For starters, Chris suggests she change her "comedy tour" to a "speaking tour," saying it ain't easy to be funny ... just ask Charlie Sheen.

ICYMI ... Stormy's got a couple shows later this month at the Joke Joint Comedy Club in Houston. Her management team reportedly reached out to the club with the idea and they agreed to give her the stage to work the crowd.

But, check out the clip -- Chris says Stormy's reasons for this stunt are obvious -- and they definitely involve dollar signs.

Bombs away!!!

Just saying Jussie Smollett's name in public is enough to draw gasps, at least based on the audience reaction to 'SNL' ripping the crap out of him.

'SNL' actually went full scorched earth -- taking down Jussie, Robert Kraft, Michael Avenatti and Rudy Giuliani with one skit last night. Avenatti, Giuliani, Jeanine Pirro and Alan Dershowitz (played by Pete Davidson, Kate McKinnon, Cecily Strong and host John Mulaney) were the lawyers' version of "Shark Tank" ... deciding whether to defend Smollett and Kraft.

When Chris Redd walked out as Jussie the studio audience had an audible -- and not pleasant -- reaction. Check out the clip ... the punchline is all about Dershowitz, who famously defended O.J. Simpson, tapping out.

Their bottom line on Kraft, BTW -- for the skit, anyway -- was that he got a really good deal at $59.

Who better to promote butt wipes than a guy named Cory "Poop" Johnson?!

That's what the guys at Dude Wipes thought -- and reached out to the Canadian Football League player to help push their personal hygiene line.

Of course, Poop -- a defensive lineman for the Toronto Argonauts -- got his legendary nickname after a famous interview during his college days at Kentucky, where he admitted he poops like 5 times a day.

"I try to poop, like, 5 times a day, 3 times a day. It’s hard to keep weight when you’ve got so much going out," Johnson said at the time.

Enter, the guys at Dude Wipes -- which burst onto the scene after an appearance on "Shark Tank" where Mark Cuban made a $300k investment for 25% of the company!!!

We're told the Dude Wipes guys sent Poop a bunch of free products -- you can see the pics -- and the assumption is they'd like to have some sort of business relationship moving forward.

It's not a bad investment for Dude Wipes -- the 26-year-old is a pretty solid player with the potential to make the jump to the NFL if he balls out in Canada.

And, now that he doesn't have to worry about how to keep his booty hole clean, he can spend more time crapping all over quarterbacks.

Bryce Harper's having the best Thursday ever ... dude just made $330 million -- AND HE GOT A MANKINI STRIP SHOW FROM HIS NEW TEAMMATE, JAKE ARRIETA!!!

Bryce just inked a monster 13-year deal worth around $25 MIL per season with the Philadelphia Phillies ... and to celebrate -- his new team's stud pitcher decided to give him a show.

Jake popped on his bikini briefs and sandals ... and broke out his broom for a little victory dance.

"Getting the house ready for [Harper]," Arrieta said.

By the way, Jake spared no expense for the occasion ... 'cause the Versace skivvies he was wearing come in at a cool $225 a piece!!!

Not that that's expensive for Jake ... dude is in the middle of a 3-year, $75 MILLION contract of his own!!!

As for Harper's Phillies deal ... it's the richest free-agent contract in baseball history -- blowing by the 10-year, $300 million contract Manny Machado just inked with the Padres earlier this month.

But, some wonder if Harper could have actually gotten MORE ... saying his per-season salary is actually NOT ENOUGH for a 26-year-old MVP in his prime.

8:00 AM PT -- Jamie shared some video clips from the comedy club that show what went down with the women hecklers that led to them being kicked out ... and before he lectured the remaining audience. He captioned the series of vids, "Judge for yourself."

He added about one of the hecklers, "She attacked me, I attacked back. I will do that all day. Fair is fair."

Jamie Kennedy seems to be at wit's end with audiences at his stand-up shows ... because a couple of hecklers made him lose his cool and walk offstage at his most recent gig.

The comedian was performing at Irvine Improv in Southern California on Tuesday night when -- just a few minutes into his set -- he grew frustrated with a pair of women texting and talking in the front row ... and told them to leave.

That's where the video -- obtained by TMZ -- picks up ... and it's pretty awkward. Kennedy gets into it with a couple of other audience members who want him to get back to the jokes, but he says, "This is war" ... and goes on a rant about the creative process.

Ironically, Jamie mentions his career can be wrecked if he goes viral for a bad show ... so he decides it's not worth it to try to win the crowd back and bails.

Kennedy vented on his Instagram story after the Improv fiasco, blaming hecklers for the plight of comedians like him ... who stuff their faces with pie to heal the hurt feelings.

He also claims something is awry in the comedy world right now -- there's just no damn respect.

Jamie's battle with hecklers goes back a little further too ... to Monday night at The Comedy Palace in San Diego. The comedian shared a video from his act in which he addressed another woman who was texting a lot ... especially when he did "an offensive joke."

The crowd seemed to have his back that time though.

Pick your battles, bro.

How's this for timing -- the mocked-up dollar bill showing Hillary Clinton behind bars and signed by President Trump has been put up for auction ... just moments before Trump's personal lawyer testified before Congress.

Here's the fake "Federal Hillary Penitentiary Note" from 2016 that bears Trump's signature. The "dollar bill" was handed out at one of Trump's rallies in Florida in the lead-up to the election ... and one of his supporters got Trump to sign it.

The item's a direct shot at Hillary by Trump supporters who often chanted "lock her up" at almost every Trump rally. It's unclear why it took more than 2 years for the item to go up for auction ... but it seems they want to capitalize on Cohen's testimony calling Trump a criminal.

The "2016" bill shows Hillary on one side behind bars with the words "Hillary for Prison," while the other side sports 2 Department of Justice logos, Hillary's signature at the bottom right and the quote, "Blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda."

Steiner Auctions -- which has authenticated Trump's John Hancock -- started the bidding at just $200. We're told Steiner expects to haul in thousands by March 24.

11:02 AM PT -- We just got AOC on Capitol Hill, and she tells us the comic book is truly an honor, and she's happy the proceeds are being donated to a good cause.

AOC tells us the entire process has been humbling, and she's hoping the comic will inspire people to discover their inner superhero.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is about to become a superhero in a new comic book chronicling her rise to Congress ... and her story starts in the ring.

TMZ has obtained a couple pages from Josh Blaylock and Devil's Due's new project, "Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and the Freshman Force: New Party, Who Dis?" which hits the shelves in May.

The graphic novel paints AOC as a larger-than-life character who shows up in D.C. to kick some GOP ass with her fellow freshmen. Sounds real enough, but check out these panels.

Here's how the storyline begins ... AOC is a promising wrestler, and in WWE style, she kicks the butt of veteran Congressman Joe Crowley in the ring, and back in the locker room she meets a RIPPED Nancy Pelosi.

It's clear ... Josh and co. are not skimping on all the pulp drama. For the record ... AOC is not involved in the comic and, so far, has said nothing.

Oh, and BTW ... there's another page we got our hands on that takes a big shot at Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell. Peep it for yourself ... very "Where's Waldo?"-esque.

TMZ has the audio of Pete Davidson skillfully handling a heckler who tried to jab at the comedian's personal life by yelling out Mac Miller's name at a highly inappropriate time.

The 'SNL' star was performing Monday night at the South Orange Performing Arts Center in New Jersey when he started the setup for a joke, saying ... "My friend died in my apartment."

That's when some tool in the audience yelled, "Mac Miller?"

Listen to the audio ... Pete immediately stopped everything and urged the crowd to point out the "f***face" so security could remove him. He refused to continue the show until the guy was tossed ... which he did once the audience dimed him out.

As you know ... Mac died of an accidental drug overdose in September, and he previously dated Ariana Grande. She later got engaged to Pete. Her grief over Mac was part of the reason she and Pete split.

Davidson made sure the heckler got his money back -- because he said he didn't want it -- and reeled the crowd back in ... with a Dane Cook joke.

Well played.