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"The best way to describe Joe DiMaggio is ... he was a penis with a man hanging from it."

That's Pete Rose talking about his encounter with a real-life one-eyed monster ... Joltin' Joe's tremendous dong.

Rose was on 'Mike's On' with Mike Francesa when he was asked about his friendship with the Yankees legend ... and that's when Rose talked about the time he saw Joe's shlong.

Basically, Pete says he and Joe went to Vietnam to visit U.S. military personnel back in the day and they were based in a part of the jungle where there was no real plumbing.

So, when Joe decided he needed a rinse, he needed Pete to load up a fresh bucket of water into a makeshift mobile shower to help Joe get the job done.

That's when Pete says he saw it ... a wiener so big, he still remembers it to this day.

In fact, Pete says Joe's baby-maker was so massive, the guy needed THREE shower shoes -- 2 for his feet and one to keep his man junk from touching the floor.

"There's finally a talent where they can say they're better than me at."

DAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGG!!!!

Aaron Rodgers shaded the HELL out of his NFC North counterparts Tuesday ... congratulating them on being better beer chuggers than him -- by ripping their hearts out and eating it.

If ya missed it ... Rodgers couldn't slug down a beer at a Milwaukee Bucks game a few weeks ago -- and the Internet went crazy ripping the guy.

Some of those involved in the Rodgers trolling? Bears QB Mitch Trubisky and Lions QB Matt Stafford -- who both posted vids of them destroying some suds in response.

Well, Rodgers saw that ... and clapped right back at the QBs during his news conference this week, saying, "As far as those other guys, for some of them, there's finally a talent where they can say they're better than me at."

Of course, Rodgers has demolished both the Bears and the Lions in his career ... so no coming back for Stafford and Trubisky from here.

Ric Flair's wife is helping him recover from his recent medical emergency ... by throwing on a bikini and hitting the beach!!!

The Nature Boy showed love for his better half, Wendy Barlow, with a pic of her chillin' in the sand on Tuesday ... saying "If For Nothing Else, I Have This To Live For....What A Healing Process!"

Flair -- who says it's a miracle he's alive -- credits his wife for being by his side while he was hospitalized for a week earlier this month ... and said he's never gonna slow down because "I got a wife that wants a 35-year-old man every day of her life."

Barlow -- who posted a mirror selfie of her own -- thanked her daughter in law, Charlotte, for putting her on a meal plan and WWE legend Torrie Wilson's workouts for keeping her in amazing shape.

Madonna just whiffed on her chance to shut down the sale of an old jailhouse letter from Tupac ... and now it looks like she's gonna have to watch as tons of her personal items hit the auction block.

According to new legal docs obtained by TMZ ... Madonna just lost her appeal to slam the brakes on the sale of the letter. A New York State Appeals Court ruled Madonna can't pursue claims against Darlene Lutz, her old pal and art consultant, or GottaHaveRockandRoll.com -- the online auction house to which Lutz consigned the items for sale.

Tuesday's court ruling opens the door for the sale of some of Madonna's intimate personal items, including the breakup note from her ex-boyfriend, Tupac.

As we reported ... last year a judge tossed out Madonna's lawsuit to stop the sale, saying a release she signed way back in 2004 means she couldn't sue over the letter's sale.

The appellate court upheld the judge's ruling in a 5-0 decision, saying Madonna's claims are blocked by the "very broad" release.

In his handwritten breakup letter, Tupac confesses he ended his sexual relationship with Madonna because she's white. Next month, it's finally going up for auction.

Jamaal Charles was ALMOST attacked by a humongous spider ... but fortunately for the ex-NFL star -- he's still got some moves, and ducked away from the big-ass arachnid as it charged!!!

It all went down in the former Kansas City Chief's backyard ... where he was trying his best to capture an 8-legged beast and protect his Texas home.

The video is pretty intense ... Jamaal tries to calmly sweep the spider into a box -- but then it suddenly darts at his left leg!!!

But, the ex-running back is able to move out of the way ... and then he went on an offensive assault -- slapshotting the spider into a box.

Victorious, Jamaal zooms in on the spider ... and the thing is MASSIVE!!!!

Unclear what Jamaal's intentions are now that the spider is captured ... but we know one thing for sure, his family ain't letting it in the house, 'cause one of them says, "Lock that door. We are not bringing that in here."

It looked more like a WWE match than a basketball game ... and ex-NBA player Terrence Jones was at the center of it -- trading nut shots, vicious clothesline fouls and dance moves(!!) in one of the craziest on-court altercations of all time.

The ex-Kentucky Wildcats star -- who played for the Rockets and several other teams in the NBA -- now plays in the Philippine Basketball Association's TNT KaTropa ... and got into it with Calvin "The Beast" Abueva of the Phoenix Pulse in a game over the weekend.

It all started when Abueva knocked Jones down with about 7 minutes left in the game ... and TJ retaliated with a shot to the family jewels.

While Abueva recovered, Jones celebrated as Yung Joc's "It's Goin Down" played over the PA system (seriously, everything about this video is perfect).

Of course, a dude with a nickname like "The Beast" isn't gonna just let that slide ... so he retaliated with a clothesline on Jones after grabbing a rebound.

And, what did Abueva do right after??? He danced his face off.

The Beast was suspended indefinitely and fined 50,000 pesos (about $1k) for the hit ... and Jones was fined a total of 70,000 pesos for the whole altercation.

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!

Here's the cutest video EVER ... Jarvis Landry introduced his daughter to a baby deer Monday -- and they became best friends!!!

Unclear where or how the Cleveland Browns star encountered the fawn ... but we're all thankful he broke out his camera when the baby deer walked up to his daughter -- because the video is awesome.

The deer strolls up to Jarvis' baby ... and it allows her to pet it -- "it's soft," she says -- and then she wants to bring it into the house!!!

Landry tells her they just can't do that ... but they CAN try to find it some food -- and that's when the deer follows the little girl up to the porch.

Kyler Murray congratulated the guys who had their names called in the MLB Draft by posting a pic of himself in an Oakland Athletics uniform .... and killed all the fun by clarifying he's not playing baseball.

The A's drafted Murray with the 9th overall pick in the 2018 draft ... but after winning the Heisman and going to the Arizona Cardinals with the top pick in the NFL Draft, he decided to put baseball on hold.

Murray posted the pic Monday night in his A's threads ... but made it clear he's not having second thoughts on choosing the NFL.

It's probably a smart decision financially, considering he inked a $35 million deal with the Cards ... but there were people like Joe Theismann who said he shoulda stayed on the diamond.

"Congrats to everyone who got drafted today! #JustAPic #History #NoNeedForTheSpeculation #AllLuv," Murray said.

Kawhi Leonard is suing Nike over his "Klaw" logo ... claiming he drew the symbol himself -- and saying the footwear giant has NO right to copyright it.

It's all in a new lawsuit filed by the Toronto Raptors superstar ... in which he says the famous logo of a "K," an "L" and his jersey number actually came from his own hand, pen and paper back in 2011.

"Leonard traced his notably large hand, and, inside the hand, drew stylized versions of his initials, "KL," and the number that he had worn for much of his career, "2," the lawsuit states.

The problem for Kawhi? He says he permitted Nike to use the logo after he signed a contract with the shoe giant in 2011 ... but they filed for a copyright of the logo "without Leonard's knowledge or consent."

Now, Leonard is suing ... saying they had no right to do that -- adding that when he initially gave permission to use the symbol, it was to "mutually benefit" both parties.

In his lawsuit, Leonard wants control of his logo back ... and is also claiming Nike "committed fraud on the Copyright Office" by registering his logo.

JuJu Smith-Schuster went to prom and danced to his favorite song -- which is apparently a bunch of high schoolers chanting profanities towards his ex-teammate, Antonio Brown.

JuJu hit up Chartiers Valley High School's senior prom in PA over the weekend ... after student Anthony Molinaro slid into his DMs and said he didn't have a date.

Not only did JuJu show up, he went all-in -- getting matching turquoise velvet suits for the duo to wear for the big dance.

Now, JuJu is no stranger to dancing on and off the field ... but the dude let extra loose when his fellow prom goers started a "F*** AB" chant during the party.

FYI -- Smith-Schuster told us back in April that AB is "his guy" and there's no beef between the two ... but a LOT has happened since then. So, yeah ... shade.

Legendary golf coach Hank Haney is doubling down on offensive comments he made about the LPGA Tour ... writing Sunday after the U.S. Women's Open, "I knew a Lee would win."

Haney -- Tiger Woods' former swing coach -- was suspended from his radio gig at SiriusXM after he made insensitive comments about the number of Korean players competing in the LPGA.

"I couldn't name you like 6 players on the LPGA Tour," Haney said last Wednesday ... "Nah, maybe I could -- well, I'd go with Lee. If I didn't have to name a first name, I'd get a bunch of them right."

Haney added, "Honestly, Michelle Wie is hurt. I don't know that many. Where are they playing, by the way?"

The comments were immediately hit with backlash -- everyone from Michelle Wie to Tiger Woods himself blasted the guy -- and Haney was hit with an indefinite ban from his radio show as well.

But -- despite issuing MULTIPLE apologies in the ensuing days -- Haney appeared to DOUBLE DOWN on his comments on Twitter after Jeongeun Lee won the Open, writing in a now-deleted tweet, "I knew a Lee would win."

Haney added, "My prediction that a Korean woman would be atop the leaderboard at the Women’s U.S. Open was based on statistics and facts.”

A pro bicycle rider slapped the living hell out of a fan during a big race this weekend ... hitting the guy multiple times -- and then knocking the hat right off his head!!!

It all went down during the Giro d'Italia race in Italy on Saturday ... when a spectator who was running alongside riders tripped up and accidentally knocked into Miguel Ángel López's bike.

The Colombian cyclist was thrown from his ride ... and in response -- he went OFF on the fan!!!

Lopez slapped the guy in the head a few times ... and then knocked his cap straight off his dome.

Lopez apologized for the incident after the stage, but also blamed the fan, saying, "I'm sorry for what happened. I was full of pure adrenaline. But there needs to be more respect for the cyclists."

"See you in the Bay, Aubrey ... You weren't talkin' tonight, were ya!?"

Kevin Durant and Klay Thompson gave Drake an earful after the Warriors tied up the series in the NBA Finals on Sunday ... returning the epic trash talk the rap superstar delivered after Game 1.

The exchange was captured right as the Dubs were heading into the locker room after the game ... when someone called for them to come back because Drizzy was about to walk by.

That's when KD and Klay went IN on the 6 God ... calling him a "bum ass" and saying the win over the Raptors was "light work."

"It's alright, it's okay, we still got more games to play," KD added.

Drake -- who got all up in Draymond Green's face after the Raps took Game 1 -- surprisingly handled the trash talk really well, hitting them back with "You squeezed that [win], by the way."

Game 3 is on Wednesday ... so Drake's got a few days to come up with a better comeback.

6/2 -- Neymar himself has responded to the rape allegation, posting a lengthy video on Instagram ... which he captioned in Portuguese ... "Because of extortion, I am being forced to expose my life and family." In the video, which is filmed in Portuguese, he says in part, "I'm being accused of rape. Yes, it is a heavy word, a very strong thing ... what happened was totally the opposite of what they are talking and saying," Neymar said. "I'm very upset at this moment."

He went on to show WhatsApp messages that he says were sent between himself and the woman in the days leading up to the alleged incident, which show multiple intimate photos being exchanged. It appears a few more messages were sent afterward as well.

6/1 4:41 PM PT -- Neymar's father and agent, Neymar dos Santos, has come out to call the rape allegation a "set-up." In a local television interview, Neymar's dad roughly said, "If public opinion is not cleared up, and if we can’t show the truth rapidly, this will snowball. If we have to show Neymar’s WhatsApp and the conversations with this girl, we will, because it is clear that it was a trap."

Brazilian soccer star Neymar has been accused of rape -- and the alleged victim has gone to authorities in Brazil to file a report ... according to multiple outlets.

AP says they've obtained a police report filed Friday in Sao Paulo, in which the unnamed woman claims to have been raped by Neymar on May 15 at a hotel in Paris. She alleges that after exchanging messages on Instagram, a representative for Neymar's soccer team -- Paris Saint-Germain F.C. -- bought her a plane ticket and booked her a room.

She reportedly went on to tell police that around 8 PM that night, Neymar came to the room seemingly drunk and had forceful sex with her.

Neymar's reps have not responded for comment at this point. He's currently in Brazil preparing the Copa America, which kicks off next week.

A massive cruise ship sent folks scrambling as it barreled into an Italian dock and bumped into a much smaller boat ... which looked like something straight out of an action movie.

The terrifying moment went down Sunday morning in Venice, where an MSC Opera cruise liner blared its horn as it roared its way toward a busy canal without any signs of slowing down. In video of the incident, you can see people fleeing the scene, realizing the ship wasn't gonna stop.

The ship eventually came to a halt after it pin-balled into the wharf, but not before it made contact with a much smaller tour boat along the way. Local media reports that at least 4 people sustained injuries in the crash -- none of them appear to be life-threatening, though.

As far as what caused this ... MSC Cruises is only saying the ship experienced a "technical issue" while attempting to dock, and an investigation is underway to figure out exactly what happened.

During coverage of the nightmarish collision, people couldn't help but compare the scene to the movie "Speed 2: Cruise Control" ... which ends similarly to the Venetian crash, albeit not nearly as dramatic.

If Tom Brady took a knee for the national anthem ... it would change EVERYTHING -- so says Martellus Bennett, who says, "White America would be like, ‘Oh my God. What is this that Tom Brady’s talking about?!'"

TB12's former Patriots teammate joined a panel at the "Athletes + Activism" discussion on Thursday ... and said if QBs like Brady and Drew Brees knelt, people would be far more understanding of Colin Kaepernick's protest.

"The conversation in the NFL would change," Bennett says ...

"All these great white heroes that they have running around, throwing the football -- if they jump into the conversation, it would be projected to -- it would be so much bigger.”

Bennett says Brady and Brees kneeling would cause masses to actually dive into the real reasons behind Colin's initial protest ... and actually understand it, saying, "They would start doing research."

"They would join in the conversation," Martellus added ... "It would pique their interest. But since it’s a black guy taking a knee, it’s like, ‘Alright, these guys, here he goes again. It’s another one of these guys out here doing this.’”

There's more ... Bennett also sounded off on the NFL and domestic violence, saying if a player hits a woman, "you should not be playing football."

In fact, the 32-year-old -- who retired back in 2017 -- said, "I wanted to choke the sh*t out of Ray Rice" after his domestic violence incident back in 2014.